To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

[StarShineHello]

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

I broke my foot and toe recently, went into work with it all strapped up and wearing a moon boot/shoe thing. Of course people are going to ask what happened! The follow up was often ouch, are you sure you should be here? And lots of offers to fetch things for me, make tea etc throughout the day, it's nice, people ask because they care.

Also I guarantee there is a thread on here somewhere along the lines of "i went into work today with a visible injury and not one person asked if I was ok/what had happened, AIBU to think they're all narcissistic bastards" .
People can't win

Fair enough. I just walked back from Tesco and on my way in was a girl in the car park arguing with a guy. When I walked out she was alone and looked upset. I asked if she was ok, she said I’m fine, I asked if she was sure and she said honestly, we’re having a silly fight but thanks. I said glad to hear it and walked on.

That wasn’t me rubber necking - I was actually on my way to nursery pick up so her saying ‘actually can we chat’ wouldn’t have been great for me - but I’ve been on the other side of it and I’d have appreciated someone asking. It’s horrible crying in public and people walking past, I don’t think having a visible injury is different. People want to show they care.

I genuinely believe that most human intention is good. That’s what this comes down to, really.

With something that obvious it seems rude and self centred not to ask - even though I can see why you wouldn’t like it!

This said my thinking better than what I said.

Why not just say your eczema flared up? Loads of people have eczema so I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid. It wouldn't occur to me that there were any embarrassing ailments you could have on your hand that someone would feel uncomfortable being asked about. Most people seem to love talking about themselves.

They are taking an interest. They are assuming it is something minor, so just make something up. I fell over and badly grazed my hand etc.

People are just nosy but they're conditioned that way as if it's polite. For example asking exactly where you're from or if you're in a taxi whether you're going to or from work. People should learn to just be quiet. There's nothing wrong with it

You're being ridiculous. People are expressing concern.

Exema is nothing to be embarassed about, but if it makes you feel better by all means tell them a radioactive spider bit you, you were exposed to gamma radiation or you were wrestling a rattle snake.

It seems odd for complete strangers in shops to say it. Maybe colleagues, the first time they saw it, or friends and family might ask.
I know it's annoying. But eczema is nothing to be ashamed of. I have it. My dad had it really severely all his life. Of course it's up to you but I'd just say I've had a bad eczema flare up. Then change the subject.
It mostly would come from a place of kindness concern I'd imagine. So try not to take it to heart.
I hope you fell better soon. I know how horrid eczema can be. X

@Cheepcheepcheep

Thats totally different though. That’s you intervening in a live situation to offer support to someone who may need it urgently.

A world away from a situation where a physical issue has clearly been dealt with. If someone is well enough to work, they don’t need that sort of urgent intervention by a stranger or acquaintance.

Again, it’s a different matter if it’s a close work friend or a colleague of longstanding. I was in a marriage which involved DV towards the end and a handful of close colleagues had this on their radar. They knew I trusted them and would check in on me if I was visibly distressed. That’s not the same as people just asking out of sheer nosiness because they are interested. No one is ever going to feel comfortable talking about this if they are put on the spot about something like this by people they hardly know.

People should learn to be quiet and say nothing to anyone?

You’re being daft. It would be more weird if nobody mentioned it!

We shouldn't be interrogated on where we live and what we work as by strangers

And they are work colleagues, not random strangers.

Yeah, I would be fine with no conversations in shops or taxis. Especially the hairdresser

@johann12 people at work should not ask where you live or what your job is?. I think you have misread the thread.

It's a bleak world where you obligate shutting down conversations before they even begin because it is assumed all interest is impertinent nosiness... when the vast majority of the time it is just one person wanting to connect with another.
If you don't want the chit chat you just brush off the interest and that's it, most people would leave it there.

You do get the rude nosy people who would miss the 'not interested' cue... And they are annoying - for those you use a firmer brush off/shut down...

But as a social species we use these things all the time to open a line of communication, and we use our social skills to side step or engage as per our preference.

I had this going through asda checkout, she just didn’t get my vibe that I didn’t want to engage about it, I eventually said I’ve got a skin disease and she said I’m not judging you, Jeezo thanks for that. Honestly I’d never think to ask someone as a heckoug operator what was wrong

She said people in shops are asking about her hand. It would annoy me as well. My point is people don't really care about what they ask. They just think they're meant to just talk, and it can be intrusive

How dare your colleagues be concerned about you, what a bloody cheek.

Then just lie if you can't say it is eczema.

I'm a teacher so I'm literally trained to ask about any visible injuries, among other things, as part of safeguarding training. You are being really unreasonable. There's no reason that someone would guess it was a sensitive subject. They are literally checking in that you are ok. I agree with PP that it's an invitation to connect. You can accept it or not.

I find it intrusive if people are nosey but it’s also an opportunity to educate because many people don’t grasp how seriously these conditions affect people’s lives. So I’d definitely suggest that you say: thanks I have very bad eczema and it has become very infected but I’d prefer not to discuss it.

People are always going to comment unfortunately. Same with even the most minor of haircuts. Oh youve had your hair cut!

I get it OP as I have a tough time with a skin complaint too. However, it is typical of most people to make idle conversation. Ooh! What happened to your hand? Cor! How did you get that shiner? It’s not out of unkindness or suggesting there is something wrong. People just love a chat. Make something up if you don’t want to say. No harm done.