AIBU to avoid DP who’s been ill in hospital

[Horachied]

Fully aware here that I may be flamed, and I can understand why but I’m trying to understand whether I’m being reasonable, or being a bit harsh.

DP and I have been together a year and a half. We don’t live together. Last week, I visited my family in my home town and came to stay for the week. I have a new family member that’s been born and I was excited to come back here for a few days to get to know the new baby. I see my family once every 3 months normally, and miss them a lot so really value the time I have with them.

whilst I’ve been in my home town, DP contracted a bacterial infection. This then worsened and he ended up having to spend 2 nights in hospital due to complications from it. I have been in home town throughout this, but spoken with him a lot on the phone and his mum has been by his side the whole time.

im now returning to where I live tomorrow, and DP has asked that I come stay with him for the week to ‘look after him’.

now I’m probably being awful, but I’m really reluctant to. Google tells me that his infection is highly contagious, and I’m meant to be going ok holiday in 10 days. If I catch this infection, I would likely have to cancel my holiday which I really don’t want to do.

He also does tend to have man flu, and is very dramatic whenever he gets any illness. He told me that he likes to be ‘babied’ when he gets ill, which I simply refuse to do because he’s a grown man. So part of me also feels like he doesn’t need to be taken care of and should get on with it for a few days by himself.

AIBU and really horrible?

How long is it infectious after starting antibotics?

I wouldn't go near a bloke who wants to be babied when ill.
That is deeply unattractive.
Yanbu. There is no point you getting sick too.

Google says anywhere between 48 hours and 14 days. He’s been on antibiotics 2 days so far.

I agree. He's a grown adult and doesn't need looking after. Maybe order some ready meals and tins of soup to be delivered to his house?

Likes to be babied, huh? That would give me the ick.

Oh and have a wonderful holiday!

Is he actually ill enough to need the help?

I 'd still avoid him though tbh, even without imminent travel as I wouldn't risk making myself ill enough to need hospital treatment unless he was my ride or die!

Thank you!

His mum has done a big shop for him, and he’s got a grocery app that will deliver anything to him within an hour. I’ve also ordered a big gift basket of food that will be delivered to him tomorrow.

You're not his carer. Don't go

Is it a good idea for you to look after him as then you’ll catch it and he’ll have to nurse you? That’s what I’d say.

Definitely check on him daily, do some shopping/arrange deliveries, cook and drop off food, etc.

But if you catch the infection, it’ll just carry on.

That alone would make me want to stay away from him. Honestly if he really wants to be babied he can ask his mummy. WeirdAF a grown adult would want to be babied by someone they have sex with imo.

Does he know it’s contagious? If so pretty selfish to ask you.

I was almost in the YABU camp until I read that he readily admits to liking being babied when he's ill. YANBU, have a great trip!

He claims that it isn’t, but everything I’m reading online (including the NHS website) says otherwise so I’m reluctant to believe that.

Yeah it is a very big ick.

Hes a wonderful man aside from that, so it’s not enough of an issue to be a dealbreaker but it definitely is something that bothers me.

I'd send him a screenshot of the NHS advice and ask why he wants to put you at risk OP, he's being really selfish expecting you to do that unless he genuinely needs actual care.

depends on the infection. nurse here, what has he got?

What's the infection he has?

If you do visit, wear rubber gloves and bring your anti-bac spray/wipes. Seriously, you need to protect yourself if you’re traveling soon.

I wear them when my children get stomach bugs, looks daft but they really protect you!

Bacterial colitis. If I were to stay with him, it would mean sharing his bed and toilet and I think it would be very hard for me to avoid catching it

Horachied, it sounds like you’re in a really tough spot, and I can completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s natural to want to protect your own health, especially with an upcoming holiday that you’re looking forward to. You’ve also been there for him emotionally, and it’s okay to set boundaries when it comes to your own well-being.

It might be worth gently explaining to your DP that while you care deeply for him and want to support him, you’re also concerned about the risks of getting sick yourself. Maybe suggest that you’ll be there for him in other ways, like checking in regularly or helping to organize anything he might need without being there physically.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s not horrible to want to stay healthy, especially when you’ve got other commitments. I’m sure he’ll understand if you approach the conversation with kindness and honesty. Take care of yourself too—being a loving partner also means knowing your limits.

Selfish man-baby!
You can see how it's got to this though, if Mummy's been by his bedside the whole time up to now. He's showing no concern for you at all.

I have grown up children, and also teenagers - none of them expect to be treated like this when they're ill. Yes, he's been in hospital, so he must have been pretty ill, but he's home now, and so isn't about to die from his illnesses anytime soon.

I couldn't stand this attitude.
Tell him to suck-it-up-buttercup.

Once you're a teenager, if not much sooner, everyone should have grown out of that behaviour, or had it reasoned out of them by a parent who encourages them to grow up and gain some age-appropriate independence.

Bet my right arm that he's a man-child in other areas of his life, too.

Oh no @Horachied, you can’t stay over and share his bed and bathroom. Yuck.

When we have any type of infection in the house, I try to clean the toilet after every use and the ill person doesn’t share a bed.

I would pretend I thought he was joking; "God no, I'd make a terrible nurse, I don't have the patience! Sounds like a job for your mum" 😅

No way on earth I'd be 'babying' a man I didn't even live with.

It’s bacterial colitis. Am I right in wanting to stay away or being overly cautious?