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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to avoid DP who’s been ill in hospital

192 replies

Horachied · 10/08/2024 19:08

Fully aware here that I may be flamed, and I can understand why but I’m trying to understand whether I’m being reasonable, or being a bit harsh.

DP and I have been together a year and a half. We don’t live together. Last week, I visited my family in my home town and came to stay for the week. I have a new family member that’s been born and I was excited to come back here for a few days to get to know the new baby. I see my family once every 3 months normally, and miss them a lot so really value the time I have with them.

whilst I’ve been in my home town, DP contracted a bacterial infection. This then worsened and he ended up having to spend 2 nights in hospital due to complications from it. I have been in home town throughout this, but spoken with him a lot on the phone and his mum has been by his side the whole time.

im now returning to where I live tomorrow, and DP has asked that I come stay with him for the week to ‘look after him’.

now I’m probably being awful, but I’m really reluctant to. Google tells me that his infection is highly contagious, and I’m meant to be going ok holiday in 10 days. If I catch this infection, I would likely have to cancel my holiday which I really don’t want to do.

He also does tend to have man flu, and is very dramatic whenever he gets any illness. He told me that he likes to be ‘babied’ when he gets ill, which I simply refuse to do because he’s a grown man. So part of me also feels like he doesn’t need to be taken care of and should get on with it for a few days by himself.

AIBU and really horrible?

OP posts:
Agapornis · 11/08/2024 10:21

"He really has been babied by his mum though so he thinks that I’m being very harsh and cold when I don’t treat him the same way"

He's actually compared you to his mum? 🤢 If you must visit, I'd go for a walk outside.

he asked the hospital chaplain to pray for his recovery
Grin what a ridiculous man

Despair1 · 12/08/2024 18:50

shuggles · 10/08/2024 20:42

It's really weird to see so many women criticising a man for asking to be cared for when he is ill, on the same website where women criticise men for leaving women whenever they become unwell.

Spot On

AbsolutelyBarking · 12/08/2024 20:31

Op - if he likes to be 'babied' when ill- he needs his mum.

He is her baby not yours!

SheddingCat · 12/08/2024 20:37

I’m with you. He’s only thinking about himself, what about your holiday and potentially losing money you have already paid?
He’s not on his death bed, he’s on antibiotics and it’s not life threatening. His mummy can continue babying him.
‘Sorry i won’t be around, you know i have already paid x for my holiday and can’t risk getting ill myself’. If he starts to whinge just tell him he is being selfish and unreasonable.

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:42

SheddingCat · 12/08/2024 20:37

I’m with you. He’s only thinking about himself, what about your holiday and potentially losing money you have already paid?
He’s not on his death bed, he’s on antibiotics and it’s not life threatening. His mummy can continue babying him.
‘Sorry i won’t be around, you know i have already paid x for my holiday and can’t risk getting ill myself’. If he starts to whinge just tell him he is being selfish and unreasonable.

I honestly can't imagine how you'd all react if a husband abandoned his wife

TheBossOfMe · 12/08/2024 20:52

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:42

I honestly can't imagine how you'd all react if a husband abandoned his wife

He’s not her husband. They don’t even live together!

Americano75 · 12/08/2024 20:54

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:42

I honestly can't imagine how you'd all react if a husband abandoned his wife

But they're not married. They don't even live together.

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:54

Doesn't matter does it? In any reverse of this situation the woman is a solider who should leave the man, but in this case the man is being mocked

Americano75 · 12/08/2024 20:58

Well, it matters because the two types of relationship aren't the same are they?

If OP and her partner were actually married, then I know my response would have been different.

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:59

Americano75 · 12/08/2024 20:58

Well, it matters because the two types of relationship aren't the same are they?

If OP and her partner were actually married, then I know my response would have been different.

Not really, if you love someone you love them no matter the label.

Americano75 · 12/08/2024 21:03

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 12/08/2024 20:59

Not really, if you love someone you love them no matter the label.

Be that as it may, the seriousness/longevity of any relationship will always have an impact when situations like the OP's arise.

Sapphire387 · 12/08/2024 21:04

Urgh, you sound horrible and cold, as do so many people on this thread.

He's been in hospital. My DH - now and before he was my DH, would have been at my side. And I would have been at his.

After eighteen months, your holiday is more important to you than your partner. Do you love him?

BruFord · 12/08/2024 21:20

Sapphire387 · 12/08/2024 21:04

Urgh, you sound horrible and cold, as do so many people on this thread.

He's been in hospital. My DH - now and before he was my DH, would have been at my side. And I would have been at his.

After eighteen months, your holiday is more important to you than your partner. Do you love him?

@Sapphire387 Having looked up the symptoms of bacterial colitis, I think the OP is being sensible. I’d be visiting with my rubber gloves on and certainly not staying over.

My DH and I would make the ill one cups of tea and snacks, etc. but we’d be giving each other a wide berth!

TheYanster · 13/08/2024 21:28

I don't understand all the comments about OP being uncaring and cold. If I had a contagious and unpleasant illness, I would hate to infect my partner (or anyone else for that matter), especially when it is easily avoided. That would be selfish, irrational and totally unnecessary.
And an adult requiring "babying" is so deeply unattractive and revolting.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 14/08/2024 13:54

How is boyfriend feeling now OP?

Horachied · 15/08/2024 13:08

He’s doing much better now thank you! He’s still staying mostly at home but is almost better. We’ve been meeting up outside his flat.

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 15/08/2024 13:17

Dont do it. You might catch the infection and not go on holiday. Hes a man not a baby.

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