FFS how does exH keep getting girlfriends?!

[RealHousewivesOfTaunton]

The man has more red flags than a Chinese flag-waving competition.
🚩 Four children by three different women, two of whom he has no relationship with.
🚩 Two acrimonious divorces.
🚩 Two non-molestation orders to stop him harassing two of the mothers.
🚩 Convictions for drug-driving and driving without insurance.
🚩 A history of alcohol problems.
🚩 Can't seem to hold down a job and is financially incontinent.
🚩 Moves in with his sisters when he's between girlfriends because he doesn't believe "the man of the house" should have to cook, clean or do the laundry, even when he's the only one in it.

And yet, he's just moved in with yet another woman with her own children and a professional job. Why?! What could possibly be attractive about him as a LT relationship prospect? I can't imagine for a second that he's sharpened up his skills in the bedroom. The mind boggles.

FWIW I was wife #1, so didn't have any of the above history as a guide when I made the extremely poor decision to marry him.

Send her this thread 🤣

He pisses his money away!

And you fell for him so he must ave something going for him or you set the bar low.

There are serial killers serving lifetime sentences behind bars with large female fan bases who send them money and gifts. They sometimes get married for the purposes of qualifying for conjugal visits. Women’s low self esteem knows no bounds when it comes to horrible men.

Like I keep saying, women have such poor standards.

She will realise this.

Sadly she believes his claptrap.

Please carry on doing a great job with your DCs, ignore the woman's stupidity, she'll come round. Let's hope it's before she marries him...

That's quite a drip feed...

It sounds like he knows how to identify vulnerable women and initially make them feel special. I’m assuming mind games and a controlling nature follow that.

Desperate people have a lot of options. Quality over quantity, always.
Bide your time. You will be ok in the end x

Well, what attracted you to him? Probably that, plus they don't know about all the red flags you list, and he lies to them.

You seem to imply there's quite a roll-call of women. Presumably they all get the measure of him and give him the push pretty quickly?

I don't see that you need to discuss this with her, how you parent your children, because, quite frankly, it is none of her business. The next time she brings it up I would suggest just saying that the matter is not up for discussion and you do not wish to talk about it. It can be said in a polite manner without being rude. I would also advise trying to avoid any other "discussions" with this girlfriend if at all possible. If you see her, be polite, but avoid conversation if at all possible.

I have this conversation regularly about ex H.
-3 children from 2 women
-physically, mentally and financially abusive
-fairly awful far right views (this is more recent think Andrew Tate etc)
-unable to look after his children and constantly blames exes

yet has managed to get engaged to another girl who by all means is lovely. We also live in a place and are known to each other well enough that she could easily find out what he is like. It fascinates me but sometimes you just can’t be told.

@Desperatetomotivate But again, just like OP, you dated this very man that you are moaning about, which shows that your values are misplaced. You seemingly had no issue with physical, mental, financial abuse and far right views when you were in a relationship with this man, but I bet you have an issue with men who upload photographs of themselves fishing on dating apps.

It is wise to talk to children about relationships. I am not sure that it is wise to talk about their father in relation with that conversation.

If they are his, then they are partly him. They may start feeling that part of him. If you talk to others about their father, they might start looking for traits in them.

After I divorced my children's father, I did not speak about him. When people asked about my X, I said I don't, because he is my children's father. I could not visit on them the negativism of their father.

Perhaps I am wrong.

This.

Plus, you only have to read the Relationships Board to see the pickles women get themselves into after they marry or cohabit with and have kids with the most awful array of losers and abusers, having ignored all the red flags.

You've misunderstood my post. I meant that whilst op can't police the time her children spent there they can talk to her if they have any concerns or issues. She doesn't have to talk about him but they should feel they can if they want to.

I agree with the comments about the very low bar that many women set.

Almost always on here whenever people move in together after a short time of knowing each other, with or without children, it involves the man moving in to the woman's home.

Just why? You can have a man in your life but no need for him to move in right away!

Yes and that's awful on both counts. Focus on keeping the DC grounded so they understand why Daddy is an AH and why the opinions of CF GFs are meaningless, but of course you need to do this without dissing Daddy or the DC will turn against you, but maybe along the lines of Daddy can't look after himself because he struggles with money ?.

As for the CF GFs if you are unlucky enough to meet them, smile politely but if they start talking, walk up to them and whisper quietly in their ear, you've mixed me up with someone who gives a fuck, p.o.

This must be so frustrating for you when it affects your (and his other) children. 😔

It sounds like it's just his initial charm works for him and he quickly gets his feet under the table? 🙄

Shame there isn't a prick advisor!! Would save so many unsuspecting new partners.

This sounds like my brother 🤣

I would send her this list...

That's not fair.
The Op and previous poster have added to the pattern which gets more obvious after each partner. Clearly they had an issue with the problems hence leaving.

Having "far right" views for example is fairly subjective depending how far on the political spectrum the listeners are. It's also different if someone believes a thing but accepts that others have differences of opinion. Many difficult men force other people to listen or constantly try to belittle opposing opinions. That may not be obvious until down the line.

I don't think it's particularly fair to say that I'm at fault for not spotting all this myself before I married and had DC with him. He didn't have children, divorces, NMOs, convictions, drug or alcohol problems then. The red flags I ignored were a "traditional" father, which I put down to culture, and chronic lateness. Hardly rapist territory.

Stop letting him move in with you! You're not a skivvy.

Bad boys are never short of willing partners.

And what about the job?

People don't just suddenly become bad people overnight. He would have had many negative qualities when you first met him that you either approved of, or chose to disregard.

He'd just got his first job and was doing well. He got a better one when DS was due.