He does not want to work

[what2do2donow]

AIBU to think he does not want to work?

Ok he stopped working because of arthritis and he was on sick pay insurance for 3 years (half his monthly salary paid monthly) not enough to look after a family of 4

Yes his leg is not great but I think there are jobs he can still do but refused

His insurance pay is now finished and I said to him to do some sport coaching training so that he can volunteer at our sons running club or football club or just train our son or just to stay active as advised by the doctor but he said he can't do the training because of his leg.

I said take a small customer service remote job he said no

I said do meta blue print training or the Google version online, he said no.

He is home all day everyday watching TV and hasn't missed and football matches in 3 years .

AIBU here? Because, I don't see any reason y he can't find a job to do at all. He is very lazy and would rather wallow in poverty than
get up and work.

Pls can anyone suggest any other job that someone with arthritis (knee) can do?

It's lazy.

You can't work due to autism, but you can do admin and issue advice on MN? I have never heard anything like this ever before....

Firstly, my neighbour's girlfriend took him to court and successfully split the house (she was not on the title), and claimed maintenance for her one child. I would not be so hasty in thinking that an English court would be OK with kicking a boyfriend out. He can jolly well claim.

Other than term time school runs, errands a dishwasher duty, online whatever he is doing... what else does he contribute to the family? Obviously, financially, that's no longer happening? 2 kids under 13, it sounds like you're looking after 3 kids.

I'm glad you're open to taking some advice, but you need to act on some of it sooner rather than later. He could easily retrain or get a desk job, his reluctance is shameful.

Yes he can work, many people with far worst dis-ability work

my son has Oliers disease and arthritis in his knee, he is 30 years old. This year he has undergone major surgery on his leg to lengthen the bone, this has increased the pain of his knee which they are know considering replacing in the next couple of years. He took 7 weeks of for the surgery then went back mornings only for 4 weeks and is now full time apart from hospital appointments. He’s a welder !, he drives himself to and from work, yes he does sit for his job because he’s on crutches totally non weight bearing his leg is in effect broken in 2 places and held together with pins.

i would say he’s got into a rut, maybe depression has set in. Try and get him to work part time to start with.

Plenty of people do sit down jobs with a bad knee/ s. Plenty live off sickness benefits too. Depends how bad it is and how much he wants to work to be honest. It sounds like he's got out of the habit of working which is understandable after two years. However he has a long time to go to retirement so needs to make a plan.

So, you know what you need to do and the best time to do it - great!
What’s the point of this thread then?

I’ve had that too! I like to point out that £50 notes and house deeds are also pieces of paper…!

That said, it will work to the OP’s advantage here that they aren’t married, which is rare.

The term "common law" partner does not confer any rights, it is just an archaic form of cohabiting partner, so make sure OP that you have wills etc in place as the rights of married partners don't apply.

Common Law marriage is only accepted as legally binding in UK law given very special circumstances which today are almost impossible to meet, that being that the vows were exchanged in a colony where there was no access to a registrar, cleric or notary or in a WW2 concentration camp between inmates.

He sounds a bit depressed. Arthritis can be very painful and wears you down.
Could you suggest he starts by getingt a casual job at a football stadium - selling programs, stewarding, behind the bar. At least he'd get out the house and meet some like minded people even if the money wasn't much.
I would also say he needs to teach himself to cook, one dish at a time.

I have a congenital disability - spina bifida. Causes all kinds of neurological problems too varied to list here. Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis three years ago - affects hands, shoulders, and lower limbs already affected by spina bifida. I’m doubly incontinent as a result of disability, have two stomas, and have recently had a diagnosis of breast cancer. I’m still working. No alternative. I’m really sorry because I try not to judge. But if I can get my arse out to work, so can he.

Working at home and actually going out to work for an employer, who expects you to be reliable when you know that’s not possible all the time, are two different things.

I am riddled with arthritis and still work full time. What you have is a classic cocklodger.

Give him 2 choices:

1. Find a job where he can sit down and explore medical intervention
2. Leave

I had a friend who (due to diabetes) had both fucking FEET amputated halfway to the knee, in his 50s. He was a newspaper reporter and never used his disability to avoid assignments; he'd go to Heathrow and other crowded, logistically difficult venues when assigned such. Factories, outdoor events, whatever. On ill-fitting prosthetics. Sometimes with two canes; he'd hang them from his forearm or his belt when taking notes.

After some years he got a modern prosthetic type he called his "bionic feet" and he normally a gruff stoic man told me he was SO happy because those feet allowed him to walk on the grass in his garden instead of being confined to the paved area. It had been years since he walked across the grass to follow his little granddaughter.

My point is that a lazy cocklodger like yours makes me so enraged when I think of that man, Joe, who ultimately died of his disease in his early 60s. He was a hard worker until nearly the very end, providing for his family.

In your shoes I would take a knife and cut the cords to the TV and turn off the WiFi. Let him sit and stare at the wall. Cancel his phone.

I would think in your neighbour's case the child stayed with the mother, so the house split was to ensure the child had somewhere decent to live. I don't see the OP's partner wanting to keep the children, plus they don't own the house they are currently in.

The fact that your neighbour's girlfriend received maintenance for the child is neither here nor there. Obviously he was expected to help pay for the upkeep of his own child, but as they weren't married there was no expectation of him supporting his ex. and this would be the same for the OP.

I would have left long since as I would find it intolerable that he was watching football all day. You may find you like him more when he's not your problem any longer. Wishing you good luck.

What sort of facade?

Do you have the proceeds of a house in your bank account or was it mortgaged?

Yes, slowly reduce all services that you provide. Get rid of the tv. What would he do if you left?

Yes, cancel everything that allows him to have a comfortable life c/o your hard-earned money.

If you understood what OP wrote then why pick her up on an abbreviation? Really unnecessary other than to highlight your own deficiency.

I am just sick and tired of living with a lazy deadbeat Person

So leave, and stop doing anything for him in the meantime. Don't cook for him, don't do his laundry, stop pandering to him. He has it cushy because you do everything for him. So stop.

Can't he do anything on a WFH basis?

No such thing as 'common law's anything (husband/wife). No legal standing. No legal protection if he was to get up and go, except for child maintenance. I know not what you asked about, but please be aware.