He does not want to work

[what2do2donow]

AIBU to think he does not want to work?

Ok he stopped working because of arthritis and he was on sick pay insurance for 3 years (half his monthly salary paid monthly) not enough to look after a family of 4

Yes his leg is not great but I think there are jobs he can still do but refused

His insurance pay is now finished and I said to him to do some sport coaching training so that he can volunteer at our sons running club or football club or just train our son or just to stay active as advised by the doctor but he said he can't do the training because of his leg.

I said take a small customer service remote job he said no

I said do meta blue print training or the Google version online, he said no.

He is home all day everyday watching TV and hasn't missed and football matches in 3 years .

AIBU here? Because, I don't see any reason y he can't find a job to do at all. He is very lazy and would rather wallow in poverty than
get up and work.

Pls can anyone suggest any other job that someone with arthritis (knee) can do?

Ok, so a number of things,

Firstly in the U.K. there is no such thing as common law husband. What you have there legally is a boyfriend. Unless you own the house together then you can just kick him out.

Secondly, if he is in serious pain and it's impacting him badly, such that he cannot work (and I don't know if this is the case) he can claim contributions based Employment and support allowance which is for situations when someone is too ill (either temporarily or permanently) to work. If he has the right level of contributions then a year is automatic and he may get more time/more money if he has other issues (which he clearly does)

Thirdly, there are plenty of jobs you can do without walking but he'd need to have the skills for them and a lot of jobs do just reject anyone disabled as too much hassle. Again, if he contacts the job centre because he has a physical disability they may be able to offer a specialist disability coach who can help.

Fourthly, the nhs rations knew replacements quite hard. I know someone who can't work in his normal job (gardener) as he is waiting for a knee replacement but the nhs won't do it until he's older because otherwise it might wear out before he dies. So he's on benefits and in pain while he waits.

emsantana99 , it's HIS responsibility to keep himself alive. Get rid. x

It's not actually your job to offer him "a work idea suitable for his condition". He is an adult, he does not need a nanny. It sounds as though his arthritis is pretty bad but if he can sit at home and watch TV, then he can sit at home and do any WFH job. He can as the GP to refer to pain management service. He can access national careers service, vocational rehabilitation, FE course... There are hundreds of things he, as an adult, can and should do. It is not your responsibility.
So yes, unless there is a significant issue you are not telling us about (like, depression for which he is getting support) then I would move out. Or kick him out. Depending on who owns the house.

YANBU for expecting a 40-something year old to financially support himself and his children.
What's his plan for his future? Pension? Is he just going to watch football from now until the day he dies? What a life.
Leave, don't look back. You deserve more than that

Why can't he do a desk job?

To your last point, my partner is in his mid 40s and has just been approved for a hip replacement. I think it is worth having a consultation because whether they agree to do it or not will depend on the severity of the problem and impact on quality of life, not just age.
But it seem there is a bigger issue than just pain.

Of course you're not BU. Has he not noticed that there are wheelchair users who work full-time? And blind people, and deaf people?

Because he's happily leeching off his girlfriend, who's allowing it. Hopefully OP will see sense, raise her standards and dump the pointless slob.

So you can work from home, but him working from home (ideal for his knee!) is a non starter? He's not cooking / cleaning either?
What a poor example he's setting his kids.
You've got to make it non negotiable that he looks for work. Get him up early every day to help with cooking and cleaning until he does. It's laughable that he can't miss a football match but he can't find a job?

Are you married OP?

To answer the job question, he can do ANY office job/wfh job. Literally thousands he could do.

@what2do2donow what is your housing situation? If you own the property, he needs to leave, or contribute. Rented, what is the tenancy situation, can you move and rent alone?

Lazy f*cker.

He is a lazy bastard cocklodger. You would be better without the deadweight. LTB. I'm sorry you are left with someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about his family. Good luck OP x

Not sure why OP but your use of he, he, he , he throughout instead of partner etc has given me the ick 🤣 never seen anyone post and use he throughout without referring to who he is 🤣

Of course you're not unreasonable. I have a severe knee issue and have had several surgeries, walk with sticks or crutches as assistance a lot of the time if I'm out the house, painkillers most days. I work full time I just work in a different job than I did before I had my issues as I can't guarantee mobility/ability to drive every day, but I can absolutely sit at a computer and it's a better time than ever before if you have a physical restriction to work flexibly and/or from home. He doesn't want to work and he can leech off you so he doesn't. He's made it clear he's not going to change so it's your choice now if you live with this situation or you leave, but you can't make someone else change. Good news is you're not married so it's a lot easier for you to leave if you choose.

Are you married? If not then you're living together.

Do you think he could be depressed?

He may have arthritis- he also has 'lazyitis ' there are many mumsnetters working with arthritis, cancer, Chronic blood illnesses, MS - you name it- if it's bad then yes he won't do well in a physical job but there are remote call centre jobs etc out there or data admin jobs- they are in demand because others too are in this position but he isn't even trying

He's in his mid 40's and only worked low paid jobs for about 10 years only before the arthritis

So what was he doing from 18-mid thirties?

good grief - you got stuck with a lazy one there
get rid !!!

A lot of ppl seem to indicate he could do a desk job etc but we haven't heard how recently his arthritis flared up. You mention hospital but when did he come out of hospital?

PS Coaching is a bad idea - because if seen it could kill his benefits (even if volunteering and only able to do a couple of hours due to pain).

You're in a good position, not married, main earner, already used to doing everything for everyone, somewhere to live.

So kick him out. It will be less hassle and work for you, day to day.

If he wanted a job he would get one, and if you make him he will end up quitting or being fired. Not a good example for your kids.

When you say he hasn't mussed a football match in 3 years do you mean on tv or standing/sitting watching for 90 minutes in all weathers. If the latter he's just lazy.
Not a good role model for the children.

He is unemployed for 3 years. His last hospital admission was 2 years ago.

I used to work in a police control room and some of my colleagues were in wheelchairs. If he wanted to work, he would be working.

I have knee arthritis which was initially very painful but after 6 month at gym twice a week it’s very manageable and I could do any job that doesn’t require a lot of standing or walking. I did the Nuffield Health joint pain programme which gives you free access to their gyms for 6 months and some sessions on pain management, diet, exercise, sleep etc. it changed my life. Can now walk 4 miles and pain is just a minor annoyance.

He could retrain in something sedentary, unless he's too stupid. The job centre could probably make suggestions...