He does not want to work

[what2do2donow]

AIBU to think he does not want to work?

Ok he stopped working because of arthritis and he was on sick pay insurance for 3 years (half his monthly salary paid monthly) not enough to look after a family of 4

Yes his leg is not great but I think there are jobs he can still do but refused

His insurance pay is now finished and I said to him to do some sport coaching training so that he can volunteer at our sons running club or football club or just train our son or just to stay active as advised by the doctor but he said he can't do the training because of his leg.

I said take a small customer service remote job he said no

I said do meta blue print training or the Google version online, he said no.

He is home all day everyday watching TV and hasn't missed and football matches in 3 years .

AIBU here? Because, I don't see any reason y he can't find a job to do at all. He is very lazy and would rather wallow in poverty than
get up and work.

Pls can anyone suggest any other job that someone with arthritis (knee) can do?

As a PP said, it will be difficult for him to make changes after 3-years of sitting on the sofa. He is likely to feel anxiety at the prospect of re-joining the working world and he may be suffering from clinical depression. If that’s the case, he will need something to motivate him. You’ve mentioned repeatedly that you have asked him to try various things, but have you actually told him how you feel and that you won’t tolerate the situation going forward? Does he know that you will leave him?

Hi, just an fyi, there isn’t such a legal status as a common law husband/wife in the UK.

She actually seemed to be saying that he does the dishwasher and doesn’t like the way she loads it. I could be wrong though. I’ve found some of the OP’s posts a bit confusing.

I am in two minds about this. Surely his insurance policy would not pay out if he could do another job? If the pain is really bad, it may make working difficult or impossible. But his Dr would be the best to advise. Arthritis UK would be the best people to get advice about suitable jobs.
If he is just being lazy, then you need to decide whether you continue trying to pressure him to get a job, to accept his laziness, or to end your marriage. Sorry, but what other options do you have? I cant think of any.

It sounds like it's a frustrating situation, but I'm unsure why you're bothering asking the original question since you're planning to leave him. You don't sound like you love him any more, or that he brings any real value to your life (emotionally or otherwise), so I'd just crack on and move out. I'm disabled and hold down a full time job, as do many people. Others genuinely aren't able to, and they need support - which they should absolutely get. You do as you choose and make sure your children have happy and full lives, hopefully still seeing their dad. What he does is up to him - maybe the change in circumstances will push him to make changes himself. Maybe it won't, but at least you'll no longer feel you're in the position you are now.

He's choosing not to work because he believes you will carry him and he can have a decent life on your wage.
He will never work until he has to.
Definitely this one needs to be left and move forwards with ur kids.

Sounds like maybe he's depressed and needs to accept he can't be active in the same way anymore. But this is his problem. It sounds like you're carrying all the load, so i would tell him you're unhappy and he needs to change something

One thing that jumps out at me is that there doesn’t seem to be any mention of the type of arthritis he has. If it’s rheumatoid (which it sounds like if he’s having the knee drained periodically) it won’t just be a single joint that’s affected. I have a similar problem with one knee due to RA - swollen and very painful. Also gives way under me frequently. But the RA causes problems in other joints and has other effects because it’s autoimmune and the treatment (methotrexate) causes nausea. I think we need a bit of clarification for a full picture of what may be happening.

l would be revisiting the PIP claim for him OP, but if he was refused because he ran out of time to return the paperwork he can’t appeal. He would have to make a new claim - which l think he would probably have to do now anyway as you only get 28 days in which to appeal after being turned down.

If he hasn’t claimed any state benefits so far, he’s unlikely to qualify for anything other than means tested benefits, which would count all household income, so there may not be anything payable, but it still might be an idea to go to the Jobcentre with him to see a disability adviser and get an idea of what’s available and what he could do. Might give him a bit of motivation.

Absolutely. And what a bad example to your children. He will be a nightmare to get rid of too. I feel for you.

Sorry OP he is having you over here. I have quite a few conditions where I suffer chronic pain, including arthritis in my hands and knees. I’ve had 2 partial knee replacements. If his knee was that bad he would have been offered a replacement. I work part time, mainly remotely because it is easier for my pain but with a few hours in the office on 2 days. He is bone idle, simple. He has no intention of going to work because he has gotten used to being off. You need to put a stop to this selfish behaviour now and tell him he has 2 options, get a job or leave. Do not be taken for a mug anymore.

Common law partner is also know as a de facto partner

Has he tried for PIP (Personal Independent Payment) it's not means tested

He would have to be more affected by his arthritis than Op outlines to get PIP.

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