He does not want to work

[what2do2donow]

AIBU to think he does not want to work?

Ok he stopped working because of arthritis and he was on sick pay insurance for 3 years (half his monthly salary paid monthly) not enough to look after a family of 4

Yes his leg is not great but I think there are jobs he can still do but refused

His insurance pay is now finished and I said to him to do some sport coaching training so that he can volunteer at our sons running club or football club or just train our son or just to stay active as advised by the doctor but he said he can't do the training because of his leg.

I said take a small customer service remote job he said no

I said do meta blue print training or the Google version online, he said no.

He is home all day everyday watching TV and hasn't missed and football matches in 3 years .

AIBU here? Because, I don't see any reason y he can't find a job to do at all. He is very lazy and would rather wallow in poverty than
get up and work.

Pls can anyone suggest any other job that someone with arthritis (knee) can do?

Are you renting? Why did you sell your house?

No, I am not his career
I told him to apply for pip and he got the form and he didn't fill it till the last minute and he was rejected and I told him he should appeal but he didn't because he is too lazy to appeal

If you're renting can you simply give notice on the lease and move elsewhere without him?

What would his response to this be?

He'll no too lazy to apply and when he did and was turned down for pip, he could be bothered to appeal even though he genuinely qualifys.

Tell me why he can't cook? I have free NHS aids all over the house to enable me to cook clean etc. I live alone. I have a high chair to sit on to cook provided by the NHS.

@tooeasy

'what2do2donow
No, I am not his career
I told him to apply for pip and he got the form and he didn't fill it till the last minute and he was rejected and I told him he should appeal but he didn't because he is too lazy to appeal

but you’re in receipt of PiP? LCWRA?'

What is LCWRA? No I do not get PIP

Is he on the waiting list for a knee replacement?

Not true. I have an autoimmune arthritis and exercise is encouraged.

Op, get rid of him or this will be your entire future.

Do you have money invested in the current house you live in?
I wondered why you said you and DC will have to leave the house?
Is his name on any deeds?

YANBU, there was another thread the other week that got totally derailed because the (same?) OP wrote sch

He may be experiencing low mood; and be perceiving that he can't do things because of his disability. Accessing some CBT might help him to get some confidence back on what he can do; and help him tackle negative thoughts?

(you can self refer locally https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/)

There are many jobs he can do- but at the moment he may be overly focused on what he can't do

If he can’t be bothered to apply for PIP then he doesn’t care about you or your family.
It could make a huge difference to you all.
Also in terms of finding some sort of suitable employment it could help with some reasonable adjustments.
There are charities out there who can help you fill the form out. People who really need it, who are entitled to it, don’t give up and they are in a far worse position than your partner.
As for his parenting style does he act like a teenager and is less strict than you? Because he’s acting like one. You are enabling him OP and it’s not a criticism as these threads are full of cocklodgers.

Op you do sound like you hate him. I left my job to become a sahm for the second time because it really wasn’t working, the kids were being neglected at times (leaving sick 13yo at home alone, sending 11yo in sick, kids sitting on screens for hours when dh could work from home, constant bickering), but then it was worse between us- him bitter that I wasn’t working (was writing books and trying to get a wage from it but got what he meant). It is awful to have your partner for life, the person who you both had each others backs mumbling about‘it’s called work’ etc etc. you both need to have THE CONVERSATION. It’s not doing either of you any good, you both must have a lot on your mind and it needs to be put in the open.

ps I’d consider also it might be depression/ mh and he literally can’t make himself apply himself to fill out forms etc but he needs to tell you this!

Arthritis can be so variable. In some cases, it’s completely debilitating, in others it’s manageable. 🤷‍♀️

It isn't madness to suggest coaching: loads of disabled people work in coaching and sport and to suggest otherwise is just ableism.

Sports for Confidence work with OTs to get disabled people in work in the sports sector. There are lots of jobs available.

Just kick the lazy bugger out!
That’ll make him appeal the PIP decision.

He’ll soon find a job or he won’t - not your problem. Thank F you’re not married - no financial ties. Kick him out and find your peace. I’m sure you don’t want your children to think that it’s okay to put up with what you have been putting up with for all those ‘common law’ years.
Well done on getting your degree and masters, now execute the next step to improve you and your children’s future happiness.

I wanna leave the house with kids because I do not exactly like the house in the 1st place so i want to move to one that I like with the kids.

I was devastated the first time I was turned down for pip.

The forms are so long and take a long time to fill in accurately, I had to submit so much paperwork.

Then they sent out an assessor and her report wasn't of me. It was someone else's injury.

At the time, six months after an accident and when I'd been told I might never walk again and was working from a wheelchair and fighting an insurance claim I gave up.

It genuinely was devastating though, I cried so much, we got the insurance through a few months later thankfully which paid for wheelchairs and physio and hydro and lots of other stuff.

Pip is a really psychologically gruelling process. I'm now too ill tp work and I'm girding myself to go through it again but in the knowledge that I'll need to appeal and appeal and fight the system every step.

Can't you move to the one you own ?

I don't hate him but I am tired of caring the whole family single handly and I am not saying that because he is now disabled because she there is much difference from before and now that he is battling arthritis

There is no having conversation with him, he won't and he does not listen at all and always thinks he is right and takes the piss.
You think I haven't tried to have conversations with him regarding this all these years?
Now, I have chosen not to anymore and just plane my life like he is not in it