He does not want to work

[what2do2donow]

AIBU to think he does not want to work?

Ok he stopped working because of arthritis and he was on sick pay insurance for 3 years (half his monthly salary paid monthly) not enough to look after a family of 4

Yes his leg is not great but I think there are jobs he can still do but refused

His insurance pay is now finished and I said to him to do some sport coaching training so that he can volunteer at our sons running club or football club or just train our son or just to stay active as advised by the doctor but he said he can't do the training because of his leg.

I said take a small customer service remote job he said no

I said do meta blue print training or the Google version online, he said no.

He is home all day everyday watching TV and hasn't missed and football matches in 3 years .

AIBU here? Because, I don't see any reason y he can't find a job to do at all. He is very lazy and would rather wallow in poverty than
get up and work.

Pls can anyone suggest any other job that someone with arthritis (knee) can do?

I have unseen disabilities myself and was advised by my consultants not to continue with my BA. However, I chose to persevere and went on to complete both my BA and MA, all while holding down a full-time job. I don’t receive any benefits like PIP.

He is fully aware of this—not because he was told, but because he witnessed it all firsthand.

8 pages in and people are STILL informing us that there is no such thing as a "common law spouse".

I googled and found this from Citizens Advice:
"Although there is no legal definition of living together, it generally means to live together as a couple without being married. Couples who live together are sometimes called common-law partners. This is just another way of saying a couple are living together."

It is an old fashioned term but we all know what the op means by it.

I hope you manage to free yourself from this man. It sounds as though he’s holding you back. I know what chronic pain is. It’s horrible and debilitating but definitely not an excuse not to work. If I just had that I’d be working. As is, I am too ill to work, couldn’t even manage very part time. But I do so much in the house and for our dd.

You’re calling someone with as physical disability lazy, and you’ can’t work because of autism’. Please explain?!

He sounds like an absolute delight. Does he have any good qualities?

This is the point isn't it: that he's using his ill health as an excuse to check out of home life. This was my situation. I seem like a heartless cow to outsiders who just hear about his MH/sexuality struggles but the fact is he couldn't even be bothered to tidy the house to welcome me back after a few days away on my birthday. It starts to feel contemptuous after a while and we also realise we deserve better. You can't work, fine. But that's not an excuse to treat your partner like your parent!

I'm a similar age to your OH and have severe osteoarthritis and mangled cartilage in my knee. Knee replacement at this age is not recommended as they only last 20 years and can only be done twice, maybe three times, as they run out of bone. The second replacement typically only lasts 10 years (info from my specialist surgeon). My specialist will do the surgery but we're trying to delay as long as possible.

In the meantime, CT guided platelet rich plasma (PRP) injection has definitely helped. I've had no swelling in the knee since the injection. I have found it gave more relief than a cortisone injection. The lady doing the PRP injection commented on the state of the knee - it's not good.

I work full time but actively manage the pain (mostly gone with the PRP injection). I find a tens machine is really great. Use that as frequently as needed to help. I see an exercise physiologist fortnightly as muscle strength is important and he also works on the muscles that compensate for the knee.

As noted by others above, I work full time, so it is not an impediment. I could not do a physical job though.

OA is not usually disabling - and there are pro active ways to relieve symptoms, many mentioned on this thread, and none of which this man seems to engage with. We all have some amount of OA changes, but would not regard ourselves as disabled.
Autism OTH is a disability and @Navypinks reports her level as a disability.

in don’t buy that. Plenty of people with autism are well able to work.

Elon musk and most of Silicon Valley seem to do alright

One person with a disability claiming to be able to judge another’s who they’ve never met and have very limited information of

knee pain can be very disabling and very painful

Actually, most don't work at all.
And the stereotype that autistic people are tech-wizards can die a death. The one autistic guy I know who is amazing with tech can't work because of how his autism affects him.

Not necessarily. My husband and I both have inflammatory arthritis. He volunteers with our daughters Athletics team and I volunteer with girlguiding. As well as both doing full time jobs. Despite the pain we know it's use it or lose it, and we need to keep active for our children.

Fully appreciate everyone is different, but to say people with arthritis cannot be active and volunteer isn't helpful

Common law husband is nothing in the UK, there is no such thing in UK law. He is your boyfriend, partner, fiance only, so you can break up and leave him without consequences. If you did that then he would be forced to claim pip or work.

He's just lazy in my opinion! I've only just retired at 67, with advanced spinal stenosis, arthritis in my knee (other knee replaced), arthritis in my neck, hands and ankles too. He could easily do a sitting down job. I can't even walk more than 10 yards without a stick!

Be honest with yourself

What good (positive from your perspective) qualities does he have?
Make a list on paper if needed

If not many (or none) time for honest conversation and make clear your feelings If nothing improves plan to separate

Good luck whatever choice you make 💐

My DH has worked full time for 30 years with cronic pain and just had to take early retirement at 53
Your OH is a lazy tosser

I’m sorry but got to page 6 and cannot follow the thread. Yes I get he’s a lazy bugger with arthritis and won’t work.

But OP response to enquiries about house ownership whether OP owns another one or doesn’t and is renting /leasing the one she’s in now or not.
And wtf is loading dishwasher to do with anything? Shove the plates in and rinse. And if he doesn’t like it tough.
Lack of clear thinking here.

I'm older than him, got arthritis in both knees. I work as a carer and have to hoist people and push wheelchairs. Of course there are jobs he can do. Especially ones where he can sit on his arse all day!

True: you are either married or not.

He could easily do a desk job even remotely. My dad was diagnosed with MS at 50. He carried on working for another 10 years before he really had no choice but to retire on grounds of ill health. Due to his disability, they trained him up on the computers.

No, you're not being unreasonable. I have Arthritis in many joints but still work (a lot through Zoom but some face-to-face) and I have many days where staying in bed would definitely be the easier option. He's taking the piss.

I have moderate to severe arthritis in my knee which is often very painful. I can't walk far but I work full time as my employers (seeing all the effort I am putting in whist waiting for treatment) have made concessions and adaptations for me. I can't afford not to work!

There are plenty of jobs he could do if he wanted to. He doesnt want to though so you will get nowhere trying to find a job for him.

You’re better off directing your energy at getting rid of this person. I don’t say it lightly. I get he has health issues etc. But he also has 2 kids to think of which he is not doing. He is enjoying a nice life watching tv and having you do everything to fund it.
You will run yourself into the ground and will lose your sleep over family finances (bitter experience of that here).

A lot of marriages break up for financial reasons and it might seem calous but it really isn’t. If one party is not pulling their weight that’s a dealbreaker. Put yourself first. He will have to find a job when you’re out of this.

I think he's in a great deal of discomfort. Not exactly his fault but you have to decide if you want to continue to carry the load. Think if the situation was reversed. Would you being a woman make any difference?

He could literally do any desk job with arthritis in one leg, a lot of people do a lot more with much more life limiting conditions. He doesn't want to work, simple.