To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

I don't see what wrong with asking someone's heritage why is that racist?

Well it's the implication that 'London' is not an complete answer. Also, none of your business.

And given the climate we're in, I think it's wildly disingenuous to act all wide eyed and 'but how is this racist' about it.

it's none of your business and it doesn't matter? I'm not sure it's racist but it's unnecessary.

He is not asking the neighbour, just wondering what African country she is from (you seem to know your other neighbours are from different African countries). This is not racist, he is only voicing it to you, he is not making anyone uncomfortable, he isn't doing it form a racist stance (hopefully) I can't see the problem.

Asking where someone is 'originally' just because they're black is inherently racist because the assumption is that they can't be from 'here'.

I certainly wouldn't be asking someone I just met where they are 'originally' from because they are not white, however, in the normal course of getting to know someone better (if you did), then I guess it might come up at some point, just like it might come up that I lived in a foreign country for a while when I was younger.

Yes that's what he was going to ask. Hopefully he doesn't.

"Today I got chatting to a new white neighbour over the back. Never spoken to her before. DH asked what country she was from. I said London by the sounds of it. He said no originally".

Would that conversation ever happen?

You mix it up OP and say both African families and then say they're black and sound like they're from London so why is the question about Africa at all?

This!

Does the neighbour have an accent? If so this could be a perfectly normal question especially if he's friendly or has chatted with other neighbours and knows where they're from, but if he asked it in a funny way almost like taking the mic, then that's wrong...You know him better than the internet so you're the best person to decide whether it meant it in a funny way or not.

Why would this be any different than my being asked, as a white woman, where I'm originally from when I'm in Zimbabwe or South Africa? I think one of the more tricksy forms of racism is to see it in places where it doesn't exist.

I wouldn't phrase it as 'what country is she from?' because as you point out, she has a London accent and could be 2nd generation British. I don't know if he is racist, he might be interested to know her heritage and has just phrased it awkwardly.

I don't think it's racist to point out someone's ethnicity & show interest but then I'm white. You'd have to ask someone else who isn't white.

@Icanttakethisanymore that's how it's happened with other neighbours. Just naturally came about in conversation. They have Nigerian accents etc too. She is obviously a southener. Lots here now because of housing shortage apparently. But if she was one of the white ones this wouldn't be asked.

Would you ask someone with white skin the same question? Anyone of us could have ancestors from places outside of the UK. In fact if you go back far enough we all do. It’s only because of the colour of skin that you’d ask this. And that’s what is racist. For someone with brown skin they get this ALL the time. Imagine if when someone asks you where you are from and you answer, 9/10 this is followed by ‘No, I mean originally’ and that that the underlying assumption is ‘you don’t belong here’. That’s why it’s racist.

This isn't racist at all.

How can the assumption that someone isn't British because they're black be anything other than racist?

It's racist because he is assuming they aren't from here. People don't question white people in England and ask if they're from Germany/Switzland ect.
The only time I'd ask that question is if I noticed an accent.

I think there is a big difference in assuming someone can't be from here because of the colour of their skin (racist) and taking an interest in someone's heritage. We have a friend who is English and is black, with African heritage. He loves to talk about where his parents grew up, how they came over to England and how he loves to go to Africa with his kids.

It’s none of his bloody business. My DH parents are Irish immigrants no one ever asks where he’s ’originally from’ - don’t know why your husband thinks he’s entitled to that information just because they’re black.
My neighbours are mixed race, when they moved in a simple hello nice to meet you all was enough.

Dh isn't a racist but could come across as racist imo. He loves our new African neighbours a lot more than the white ones. We have an element where we live. I've had so many run ins it's nice to have peaceful friendly families.

I thought the DH was just curious about the ethnic heritage?

Would he ask the same about a new white friend/neighbour? I suspect not, in which case surely it is racism prompting it.

The difference is historical context. People of colour haven’t historically subjugated and oppressed white people. There isn’t an equivalence.