To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

No just don't ask people, I have lived in London in a similar neighbourhood. If they become friends or even matey they will tell you or you will see colours and hear about traditions and National Days. Ghana will wear white and grey patterns.

Imagine a church tea, different groups providing different dishes. A confusion of instructions and duplicates appeared. Some feeling was generated. The ladies from Cameroon v The ladies from Ghana.

How can you tell someone is from Africa?

Exactly this.

the answer given was ‘London’ so the answer is london.

@Tuddlepops would your husband ask a white neighbour what their heritage is?

White people can be the children of immigrants, but almost never get asked where they’re ‘originally from’. If you’re white with a British accent, people accept that you’re from wherever in the U.K. you say you’re from, and that’s the end of the conversation.

Black and Asian people can come from families that have been in the U.K. multiple generations, have British accents and be as British as British can be. They’ll still get asked where they’re ‘originally’ from. As illustrated by this woman clearly being a Southerner, with a London accent and ‘London’ not being a satisfactory response.

That is racism. It’s really not complicated.

It really depends on how the question came about.
If the question comes from the place of, oh you're new to this area just having moved? And asking where people from could potentially lead to, oh our friends xxx and xxxx are from there too, they'd be delighted to meet you!
Sometimes when people miss home, people who have home in common is nice. Especially at a time when racist thuggery is so visible in this country.

i don't think it's racsist but of course many would!

Not racist. I - and all my family - were born in the UK but my family is Eastern European (Grandparents were sent here after the war). Most of us have Eastern European names so we always get asked where we're from!!! Not once have I thought it's racist?! Just people being inquisitive and interested.

I do ask people what’s they’re from if they speak English with a foreign accent because I’m interested, but wouldn’t ask anyone who speaks with an English accent/regional dialect they are from.

I think it’s acceptable in some circumstances as you get to know people, just as I’d offer that my family came from Ireland.

But on what are you BASING this fact of not being sure. If I meet a white person, in England, the only way I could suspect they are not in fact English, would be if they have an accent.

This is the point. If you are asking a black person where they are from "originally" PURELY because they are black, that's ridiculous. If you are asking them because they very obviously have an accent, then that is different.

Yep, This

I just remembered in a cafe a customer asked the waitress if she was America (because her accent was American). To everyone's shock horror she smiled and said "Yes I am". The customer asked her what state and she replied with "California."

Im white and English, but live over 200 miles from where I was born and brought up (in the UK). Where I live now has a strong regional accent and I am often asked where do I come from originally. Whats the problem?? I cant see why the question based on skin colour rather than accent is wrong. Either way you are not seen as 'local' which is fact - not an insult

I'm not English, although I'm white and sound like Princess Ann. I have NEVER been asked where I'm from!

@Keepingcosy I don't think it's racist to point out someone's ethnicity & show interest but then I'm white. You'd have to ask someone else who isn't white.

I'm mixed race with brown skin and slightly atypical eye/hair colouring for a brown person. I work in a public facing role and people do show interest l, and ask me all the time where I'm from / where my colouring is from. I agree with you that it's not racist. It can cross over into racism, and the distinction between showing interest and showing suspicion / dislike can be quite subtle at times, but merely asking isn't offensive at all. Equally, my children (who look white) have names from the brown-country part of my heritage and they get asked "Where's your name from?" Also not offensive IMO.
I find the whole wide-eyed "Oh I don't even see colour, I didn't even notice you were brown!" narrative more problematic tbh. I'm proud of my brown skin and cultural heritage, I don't think it's something that needs to be swept under the rug or hushed up. People do come in different colours, speak different languages, have different traditions... I don't think it's offensive at all to notice that and mention it / show an interest in conversation.

This is not racist.

I often get asked where I'm from, usually by black and Asian people, sometimes by white people. People are curious.

Literally, why would I be upset about someone show an interest in me I'm good faith?

You've literally said your husband 'loves' his neighbours, so how tf is it racist to want to know more about them?

In the UK, most people are first or second generation migrants so the original cultural roots are quite strong. It's relevant to most of us, still.

Yes ! I can't stand people going all innocent faced "Why is it racist just to ask". My ex and his Mum were like that it drove me crazy.

If something comes up in conversation
"We've just moved to the area".. Oh I hope you like it as much as we do, where were you before ?
"I'm going home to my parents' for Christmas so I'm hoping for no more train problems" They've been awful haven't they, whereabouts have you got to get to ?
"We're going to my husband's home country for summer, his granny has a house on the beach". Sounds lovely, where is it ?

That is clearly different than asking someone where they're 'really' or 'originally' from and I refuse to believe people can't see the implication that a non white person can't be from here.

How is it racist to want to know where someone is from?! We went on holiday to the Caribbean a few years ago and, walking around a local town, got asked multiple times where we were from by inquisitive locals! It's not racist FFS! It's racist if you then discriminate against them!

@Starlight1979 not the same at all. I don't even know her name for a start.

It's making normal human conversation. Interest is hardly just a "white person thing" either. I'm currently in a country that is majority non-white, I get asked multiple times a day where I'm from.

I've had some interesting conversations as a result, I regularly people with family or other connections to where I'm from.

Not the same at all. 2 black people on a first date will ask each other’s heritage in order to hopefully find some common ground for a conversation with someone they’ve just met.

There would be no reason for a white person to ask a black person the same question early on on a first date because they obviously wouldn’t share the same heritage!

🙄

Exactly.

🙌🏽

Who says you aren't white SA, if you're over there?

Of course it’s an insult to assume someone who isn’t white isn’t “local”!!

I’m not suggesting accountability. I’m saying that there is a strong history of white mostly English wealthy males, oppressing and enslaving people of colour, there is a long history of systemic racism and it still happens today. Friends of mine still get racist abuse purely on the colour of their skin and the texture of their hair. This happens a lot.

This is the context and why it’s different for people who are white and why one should be careful about asking about heritage just based on dark skin and hair type. It has connotations and whilst your questions might come from a neutrally curious standpoint, the same question has likely been asked a gazillion times and ended in some kind of racist comment.