To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

And has anyone ever then demanded more information, made assumptions about you, told you should go back there?

Many non-white people have disagreed with you, are you saying they are also racists?

It’s the way it is phrased.
I have also had people ask me about heritage as they have their own personal link to my parents country such as having served in the army there/worked abroad. They are curious about how things are now compared to back then and I always happy to talk about that. What I hate is when it is literally the first thing someone says to you with obvious animosity deliberately trying to other you/take you down a peg.

YABU, the fact that you think its racist is why you cant even mentions peoples differences these days without fear of persecution.

Yes, many times, including an employee of HMRC while I was trying to figure out a wrong tax code (saying that WHEN I go back 'home' I wont have to worry about it, I have not hinted hat I was going anywhere at all).
I wont even count the times I was told to 'go back where I came from'.

It's not about mentioning people's differences, it's assuming people are not British because of their skin colour or probing them about their identity to satisfy your personal curtain twitcher curiosity.

Exactly.

‘where are you from?’

• ’London’

’ which bit, did you study there? my wife studied in London ..’

how the conversation unfolds if they aren’t a racist

I get asked where I'm originally from all the time where I live because my accent is so different to the area I'm in despite living here for many, many years.

Would it be offensive to ask a white woman with a Polish/Italian etc accent where they were originally from? Would it be offensive to ask a black person in the UK with an American accent where they were originally from? Why is it so offensive to come from African decent?

The OPs husband asked his wife where she thought the lady (who OP seems to know is African) was from in Africa. How is that racist?

@Beryls exactly. I wonder how many respondents on this thread are white people trying to defend the poor old POC.

Yes my ethnic heritage doesn't trade back to the British isles. That's a fact.

I was once asked by someone in London whereabouts in the North I was from.

Ostensibly this was because I had a northern accent and they were making conversation, but I think we can all agree that it was really down to racism.

exactly. Because. Of. Your. Accent. 🤦🏼‍♀️

You don't have a British accent so assuming you are not from Britain is a reasonable assumption, and a polite question.
But neighbour does have a British accent, therefore, whether she be white, black, brown or multicoloured with polka dot stripes there is no reason to refuse to believe she is British, and therefore inappropriate to interrogate her about her origins/heritage/background, particularly the first time you ever meet her, as if she must be lying because as a black person she can't possibly really be properly British....

Presumably when someone asks about your accent and you say where you are from, they've never then refused to believe you and kept asking 'No where are you really from?' and you would be slightly confused or taken aback if they did?

see the post I just posted.
OP's DH DOESN'T know she is from Africa, that is the whole point.

If new neighbour had a very obvious Jamaican accent then of course it would be fine to ask 'Is that a Jamaican accent?' or 'Where is your accent from?' in the same way as it would be if she had a noticeable French accent. Indeed, in exactly the same way if a new white neighbour had a French accent.

But OP has said neighbour has a London accent. It is therefore inappropriate for the husband to essentially refuse to believe she could really be from London and think he is entitled to interrogate her with questions about her full family history THE FIRST TIME HE MEETS HER in a way he absolutely wouldn't do if she was white with a London accent.

Of course, if during the normal course of getting to know a neighbour they ask 'Where have you moved from?' and she replies 'I've lived in London for the last 5 years but am from Jamaica originally,' that's fair enough, because it's information she wants to give.

It's the assumption that just because she's black and their other neighbours who are black are African she must also be, that is racist.

@easylikeasundaymorn I know. I've given up 🤣

Ok, and then when you said 'Liverpool' (or wherever in the North you are from), did they say 'No, originally?' 'Where are you really from?' 'No where are your parents from?'

Or did they accept that, as a person with a Northern England accent, you are from....Northern England?
Because that's the equivalent here, not whatever, quite frankly, ignorant point you are trying to make.

Wouldn't you have found it a bit weird if you overheard your colleague saying 'That's @CoatRack,the one with the strong Liverpool accent,' and the person they were talking to looked at you and said 'What, no, they can't possibly be from Liverpool, they are white, they must be from Poland.'

New neighbour doesn't have a Jamaican/South African/Nigerian accent that could justify someone making polite conversation to say 'Where are you from in Jamaica/South Africa/Nigeria?' She has a London accent.

I don’t think you’ve kept up with the details of this post. This lady has a London accent, she doesn’t sound northern, or foreign. So why would anyone ask her where she is from… would you ask her? If so, why?

I was replying to a poster who implied people with white skin dont face this issue- they do 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I don’t agree it’s racist at all. Unless you are a massive racist 😂😂

The devils in the detail. The doctor who posted on here named it. He said some people ask him where he’s from and they’re racist… ‘but where are you REALLY from”..

some people ask and they aren’t racist. They’re just looking to connect.

unless her husband actually is a racist, which she clearly said he isn’t, it’s fine. If the person he’s talking to takes offence they can talk it out.

People aren’t so fragile they can’t navigate this type of thing if they offend

plenty of people are delighted to talk about themselves and where they’re from

honestly, it’s the same as the transphobe police… if you say X you’re a transphobe. If you say Y you’re misogynistic, iF you say Z you’re racist

it’s all such nonsense

I won't quadruple the emoji usage because I'm not 5, but they (and you) don't face this issue.

They might face the 'issue' of people asking them where they are from if they have an accent that is noticeably different from the place they are being asked, if you are fragile enough to consider that to be an 'issue.' They don't have people disbelieving that they could be from the place their accent is from solely because of the colour of their skin.

Honestly, when you've been asked this question, have you ever answered with the place your accent is from (rather than the place you live now) and disbelieved?

@BlackPanther75 are you still banging on fella. You've made your point over and over. We disagree.

I know, but accents are the only thing I can use with the north/south analogy, since we don't really have differences in names or physiognomy.

Ultimately I wanted to point out that it's silly. I can't really imagine an actual real-life racist being particularly fussed about precisely which type of black somebody was.

I might ask, if I was interested and the conversation went the right way. I've asked people before and nobody got offended because they understood the question.

Do you think it would have been racist for an Indian to ask Rudyard Kipling where he came from?

😂😂

you started the thread to prove to your husband that you were right

turns out it’s pretty much 50-50 so i assume you’ve let him know that it’s not as black and white as you assumed? 😜

(and possibly even changed your opinion as ac result?)

No they didn't, because I look English, sound English, and I have an English name.

If all else were equal but my name was Hiyoko Makizashi, then I wouldn't be surprised to receive another question, possibly regarding my parentage. Still wouldn't be racist.

@BlackPanther75 nah just made me realise we still have a long way to go.

Right. So you just know your right, and the 47% of people who disagree with you are all massive racists 😂

No just ignorant. Loads where I live.