Clip-on tie at secondary school

[LongStoryLong]

Hi all, my first time in AIBU 😬 so you know, have at it!

My thing is this: my DC is going into Y7 at a large comprehensive secondary school in our town. It’s a grammar area, so all the children took the 11+ and most will have failed it, which is why they’re not going to the grammar school down the road (I think this is important context).

We went uniform shopping the other day, and I was dismayed to find that it’s ONLY possible to buy a clip-on tie for this school- real ties are not made.

AIBU on several counts really:

1. how common is this? Does anyone else have secondary DC at a school where ONLY clip-on ties are available?

2. I find this demeaning- like they’re saying to the kids, you didn’t make the grade, here, have this baby tie. Is that my prejudice talking?

3. I don’t know how it works in the town, but I worry that this will be used as a way of othering our kids by the grammar kids. Sure, it’s mean, but it’s a physical manifestation of their otherness, and I don’t see why that’s desirable.

FYI, we’ll be new to the school, so I’m not going to kick up a fuss (yet?!) but I just want others’ views so I can temper my own really.

Thank you all!

I completely agree with this. There was no angst about fashion and brands at the European schools my DCs attended in the past. And any comparison that people make with non-uniform days here is ridiculous. You can’t make any assumptions about uniform based on what goes on in terms of clothes on rare and special non-uniform days! It’s completely different from what would happen if children wore ordinary clothes daily and always had done.

My advice @LongStoryLong would be to make sure the Head of Year and possibly the Alenco/Senco is aware of your child. See of the school has a Nuture area where pupils can go if they feeling overwhelmed. I live in part of the UK that has only comps but the fixation on uniform in yr 7 is draining.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really hope things get better for your boy, so awful when they’re unhappy. I’ve got my eye firmly on DD, and for the moment she is fairly open about her struggles, and I’m aware that may change.

There are so many things we can’t know. It sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job.

DS's school has traditional ties and he struggles to tie it (he has SEN but is in mainstream school). The plus side is he gets to have his top button undone as he hates the feel of a close fitting collar. School are happy with this.

Real ties at DS's school.

Wish they offered clip on ones.

Unless you've had the horrifying experience of screaming for someone to bring scissors to cut off a 'peanut-ed' tie off a kid who's literally unable to breathe, you should be thankful that ties are easy to remove.

Granted, they're an absolute ball-ache when it comes to them being pulled off and nicked, but yeah, health and safety innit.

Clip on only at my kids' secondary (although interestingly the junior school had a choice of elastic or proper ties)... I'm relieved as DD2 has dyspraxia.

Available in two lengths so the taller kids aren't left with a tiny tie or the new Y7s with one that hangs down to their knees.

Stops all the shite that used to happen when I was a kid where you'd try to pull someone's tie knot tight, tie it with either a huge kipper tie end or the tiniest stringy bit of the thin end on show, or tie it around your head and pretend you were Rambo. They're a fucking stupid item of clothing at the best of times.

You can buy a kit to convert a normal tie into a clip on - I know I bought one and it's lying somewhere in the house as then they went to a secondary with clip ons anyway.

Is this a genuine post?

Talk about a first world problem. "Dismayed" and wanting to "kick up a fuss" about a TIE?

DS's secondary school only had clip on ties. I didn't give it a single thought! How on earth would it have any affect on their day?

I work in security and we have clip on ties for safety. As a normal tie is a choking risk.

Only clip on ties at our local high school which DD started at - she was miserable there though so we moved her to another one and they have proper ties there. The clip on ones were for safety and you couldn’t tell once they were on.

Having a husband who had someone grab his tie at work and attack him, I can assure you, it's a safety thing. His work uniform was changed to clip on ties after that. It's absolutely nothing to do with children not being able to fasten ties.

Begs the question, if ties are such a hazard, why the fuck have them at all?! (I know, I know 😂)

Op, this really is a non-issue. The vast majority of school ties are clip on. Even in, shock horror, grammar schools!

My dd has a clip on tie and she's at grammar school.

You're fundamentally wrong assuming those that did the 11+ but are going to the comprehensive "failed the 11+". Places are limited - they don't just take everyone who passes.

Over 500 children sat the 11+ for my dd's intake - for 148 places. Many of them passed, but they only took siblings who passed, and the rest of the places went to the top scoring however many. The rest of the passing children go to comprehensive.

Yes.

I wish they had clipon ties.. DS has a real one, and he can't tie it for the life of him (Dyspraxic) so it just stays pre-tied and he puts it over his head.

The few times it's come undone, one of the seniors has re-tied it for him (it's a school that has a properly friendly atmosphere so this is fine thank god)

Says someone who can afford to buy the clothes her child wants. In this country, at the non uniform schools I have seen, friends tend to dress the same.

In my experience, if your child is quirky and dresses differently/unfashionably/not to your taste then you and her may get into a clash if you want her to conform to the clothes you think will make her fit in and make friends. A uniform policy will help widen the friendship pool.

All the secondary schools round here have clip on ties too. It’s the norm. Surely, given according to your post the majority of kids go to the comp, in the very unlikely scenario it would happen anyway over a method of wearing a tie, it’d more likely be the grammar kids that are ‘othered’ ..

With my DD1 who has coordination difficulties, I ended up sewing on a short piece of thin elastic so she could put it on under her collar after she lost her 3rd or 4th tie. No teachers every questioned it.

I do find that you need to have a spare tie in case they lost one, because the tie clips after a while become lose and fall off easily.

Complete and utter non issue

I had to be cut out of a tie in school because someone yanked it. Bruised my neck so badly I ended up in hospital.

sadly I think that’s not uncommon but I’m not really sure why children wear ties to school at all. It’s quite a weird thing that hasn’t moved with the times. I’m happy for them to have uniform but open collar shirts are smart in the work place.

Bloody hell. What a horrible thing to do to you.

I'd actually much prefer my son to wear a clip on the amount of times he's come home and someone has peanutted it or sometimes they do tie wars and they get ripped 😅🙃

My son goes to a Secondary school with clip on ties. I've seen old school photos from when they had proper ties. They're all tied ridiculously short or loose and look very scruffy. Given the behaviour of some of the kids, my son is definitely safer in a clip on tie. 🙄😬.
As an aside, the local Grammar schools have proper ties.