DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

I have very different views on Palestine/Israel to my husband. It really upsets us both to discuss it, so we just don't.

Politically we are fairly similar, even though we vote differently. We are both pretty central. If he'd voted Reform I'd be really embarrassed and would try to hide it from everyone I know if it ever came up in conversation. I guess I would try and ignore it because I wouldn't want to end the marriage.

The immigration question is very nuanced and depends on your viewpoint. The UK population has grown significantly in the past 10 years due to immigration. However no political party had that as a platform. Some people barely notice or care and others feel strongly about changes in their neighborhood, reduced services etc. And of course some people are thugs who burn things on a whim. Maybe find out where your husband lies on this spectrum before you make a decision.

I've just had this from a friend. She just messaged me to denounce the rioters, then followed it up with 'but I can understand their rage. Ultimately the man who stabbed those children was an immigrant'.

I think what she actually meant was 'black'.

I've stepped away, I don't have the energy to engage.

Thanks for picking up on this part of my reply around people voting for extremist radical parties/govts.

I'd suggest you look at amnesty international's report on Israel as an apartheid state. To say Palestinians can vote ignores the conditions placed on their nationality and citizenship status.

If Palestinians could vote, you'd have an overwhelming population voting against the current govt.

And this is ignoring the occupied territories (illegally occupied)

My conclusion is that left leaning people often found some policies presented by centre right and right wing parties looked sensible.

Obviously, they tend not to go and vote reform/ukip/conservative because they are left leaning, but are surprised by the policy details those parties offered.

Personally no matter what policies reform put forward, no matter how sensible they appeared, I wouldn’t vote for them or UKIP or similar because they -at least- tolerate candidates who are racist and ableist.

Different political solutions to existing situations are legitimate. Racism and discrimination against people with disabilities etc etc are not legitimate.

But you really need to distinguish between the two or we’ll be stick in this tribal nightmare indefinitely.

I don’t think radicalised means what you think it means!

@GreekDogRescue

Yes of course I'm serious.

Reform is a form of radicalization. But perhaps he's fallen into it at a vulnerable time in his life?

Is this a hill you want to die on?

I can't see how you'd get to the stage of moving in with someone with such differing views. Dp and I don't always vote the same, but are broadly aligned on the same side of the fence, e.g. I voted for Sadiq Khan, but I don't drive, he didn't because of Ulez, but he didn't vote Tory. Big ticket items we agree on. It just wouldn't work otherwise.

I'm struggling with the fact that FiL has shifted substantially right in the last year, voted reform and seems glued to GB news. As is DP.

YABU. LTB.

This is daft. The majority of reform voters are not radicalised. Ill informed and a bit thick yes….racist? Probably.

dont inflame this situation any more please.

i

I agree with him.

Just because he has an opposing viewpoint and says 'some people are angry' - doesn't make him a racist

It makes you hysterical

100% agree with this.

I want to add that with that growth, the economy has also grown because of immigration.

The media don't want us to know this.

www.theguardian.com/business/article/2024/jun/09/uk-growth-since-2010-has-been-lacklustre-and-largely-driven-by-immigration-says-report

@Pinkycloud
I would be concerned he'd encourage your DC to take up these views. I hope he's not a Tate follower as well. It seems racism and sexism go hand in hand.

Agreed...

And I allow my DH his opinion in who he wants to vote for as he allows me mine, as with many things.

We get our voting form, cross the box, no more mentioned.

@Crumpleton even though you use 'allow' in both directions, it's an odd choice of word.

On our house allowing would be laughed at. We both have free choice. We just happened to consciously pick a partner with broadly aligning viewpoints. Where the votes have been different, we've both understood why and even if didn't agree, allowing didn't come into it.

I wouldn't use the Reform manifesto as toilet paper, mind the paper is probably too shiny

Another one who'd be packing. Hard right views/lack of compassion are a hard no for me.

Not as worrying as you, but a soon to be exfriend of ours voted Reform (we voted Green), and he has been even yesterday defending Farage and the riots and claiming that it’s unfair to say “we are all racists” (we?! - DH and I are now wondering what he has been up to as of late)

He sees no issue with aligning himself with racists if it’s for a ‘good cause’ like protesting knife crime.

He voted Reform because they had ‘the best manifesto’ in terms of his own self-interest.

He didn’t really get that Reform’s wish list was economically and fiscally impossible and so likely to be nothing but lies (which Farage has form for). He firmly believes it can be done. His argument is that they always find money for this or that, so it’s all lies that the U.K. can’t afford what he wants.

He is losing friends like us because Reform are far right racists.

It is especially hurtful as DH is an immigrant and I was one in DH’s country so we see Farage and the riots for the toxic racist hate they are.

We have have known this friend for almost twenty years.

He isn’t stupid, but he does have a tendency to believe bullshit from politicians.
He voted Leave because he thought the NHS would get the funding, thought
the EU was a threat to the U.K., and believed the better jobs/better economy rainbows and castles in the sky BS as he doesn’t really understand economics or international trade basics.

He voted reform, the party for racists, by racists. Dismissing people’s disgust at racists as ‘hysterical’ is just plain silly.

On R4 last night, the chair of the commission on race and ethnic disparities pointed out that the findings of his committee weren’t correctly reported in the media, or acted on. He said the areas struggling most at the moment were areas the commission highlighted as needing input, because white working class boys were being left behind.

It’s worth a listen. I wish there was a transcript.

Political leanings is one thing, specific measurable concerns about immigration, fine. In any way attempting to justify racially motivated violence = immediate no from me.

Greg Thwaites, research director at the Resolution Foundation, said: “The extra 6 million people in Britain have certainly made the economy bigger, but have done little for GDP per capita. The UK’s record on productivity – which is what really matters for living standards – is exceptionally bad.”

Hardly a glowing success story though is it! And what of school, hospitals and services that never expanded to deal with this extra 6million people? Back in 2010 when people protested and spoke of their concerns they were told to shut their ignorant racist mouths by middle class, privileged elites.

As Wikipedia would say "citation needed"! Especially against the background that historically in the UK women have been more right-wing than men (https://ukandeu.ac.uk/the-gender-divide-in-british-politics/)