DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

You mean a private limited company

find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/11694875/officers

Sure you would.

Why do people who ARE racist have such a problem actually being called racist?

There is no but....

The voting on this thread says it all quite frankly.

The riots were always inevitable when we have mass media reports of massive immigrants arriving combined with poverty and social media.

If Labour don’t do something quickly about immigration I fear it will only get worse.

Just stop talking about politics, he is entitled to his political view you are entitled to yours. The election is over, the topic will subdue.

In terms of the views on reasoning behind the riots, maybe find out more about that and what his view actually is. I'm mixed race and I can understand how it's come to this, while 100% disagreeing with violence.

@Pinkycloud

OP you realise starting this sort of thread, is the equivalent to asking a random group of women in the toilets at a nightclub, what to do about your errant bf.

The answer will always be to dump, to leave, to end it- because they revel in the misfortunes of others and want to bring you down further.

OP you are clearly not going to leave your DH. Don’t listen to their nonsense.
The only way you get round it, is acting like an adult and talking it through with your DH. Don't waste your energy on here

I think you are ‘borrowing’ trouble. Picking a fight over an issue that doesn’t directly affect you.

And (as a child raise in a Muslim refugee family who arrived here in the 1970s) I agree with him that there is more nuance to this, that it has been simmering beneath the surface for years (hence the Brexit result) and it is far more complex than ‘racism’.

the most under privileged demographic in the UK currently is poor, white, working class men/boys - they are the most likely to be free school meals, have the lowest attendance record, the poorest GCSE/BTEC/Alevel outcomes, are least likely to go to university, the most likely to be on benefits. This is obviously bugger all to do with the number of Muslim/black/Asian individuals who have moved to the UK in recent decades, but a symptom of decades of neglect by successive governments and an increasingly inadequate state education system, especially in areas of high poverty.

What is abhorrent is that, egged on/manipulated by a small contingent of far-right yobs, people are targeting their frustration and anger at Muslims. MSM and SM are responsible for feeding people the idea that the issues they face - lack of jobs, poor educations, inadequate housing - is the fault of an immigration ‘explosion’ (!!) when in fact it is a systemic and deep-seated social problem that has been allowed to percolate for decades - probably since Thatcher broke the unions and we saw the decline of mining & the manufacturing industries that supported these men. We’ve all sat back and shrugged because we were all right Jack, but until we face up to the wholesale failure to address this issue, they will continue to be angry, feel unseen, unheard, and target those that seem to be getting on alright. The economic downturn post 2008, Brexit, lockdowns, the CoL crisis has just exacerbated these simmering feelings… but no one of any political party has stepped up.

Just like poor, white displaced and angry young men readily took up arms and focused their disillusion and anger at the Jewish community in 1930s Germany after the the depression caused by the 1929 Wall Street Crash…

So, I’d say your husband is probably not wrong and you, like many people, are being disingenuous to dismiss this as mere racism.

I'm with your husband on this one. People are angry. Something needs to be done and there is absolutely nothing your precious Keir Starmer is doing about it so why shouldn't the people protest. It was okay when people were protesting for Palestine.

The usual MN "where's your empathy?!" seems to have gone astray these last few days. People have near to zero funds and they see millions being spent housing people who relentlessly arrive illegally. Then a government has been voted in that apparently REFUSES to acknowledge there's a problem.
When the going is good, Britain is mostly ok. But when things aren't great - and as well as a rubbish summer (weather wise), England also lost the football - the tensions bubbling under the surface will always boil over.
Relatively, Britain is not a racist country. Relatively. But that's because, relatively, we are a well-travelled bunch, which promotes accepting minds. I'd be amazed if any of the rioters have lived abroad further than Spain. It's not Christian Aid, UN or Foreign Office employees "demonstrating", is it?

YABU. From your OP, your DH sounds reasonable whereas you seem histrionic. LTB as you have irreconcilable differences.

Spot on.

Perhaps those who do live by hostels and hotels where there are many males housed have genuine concerns?

Countries like Australia and NZ are so strict as to who can go and live there from overseas. One can't just rock up without papers- Maybe they have got it right?

There is a video where a Lifeboat spotted a lone male in a dinghy sailing to France- they thought it was strange, and took him back to England- turns out he was a murderer fleeing England who had killed a 15 year old boy who was trying to protect his Mum who was also stabbed but survived.

An interesting video.. ''I'm going to France for Asylum''

You should ask him how he'd feel if an angry mob descended on his home and workplace and looted and burned it to the ground, while beating the crap out of everyone who stood in their way? All bc they don't like the colour of his skin.

oh please 🙄

I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who voted reform and sympathised with the racist thugs who are currently terrifying people everywhere. People are "entitled to their views" but that doesn't mean they can't be judged for it.

Don't worry no one else will want someone who calls it a fanny.

So puerile

Starmer hasn't even been in power for 5 weeks and it's now summer recess.
What exactly do you expect? Miracles?
The Tories did feck all for the poor white working class in 14 years. They just sowed and watered the seeds in discontent over immigration.
I blame them (and previous governments) for not spending on infrastructure and houses to accommodate the volume of immigration, not the immigrants.

Is he trying to excuse or explain? There is a difference.

I can see that people might be angry about COL and poor social mobility, but I also think the anger is totally misdirected and am appalled at the violence. It's embarrassing that we can't critically think in this country and just blame each other. People like Robinson and Farage are just exploiting people. Reform UK is a business isn't it? They ARE the elite ffs. They don't care about normal people.

I am more liberal than my partner, but at the end of the day he is a decent human being and cares about people. We can't agree on everything. If he approved of the riots I would just try to persuade him. He doesn't though and thinks they are all dicks, but also understands that people angry at shit social mobility and are blaming the wrong people.

Me neither

Yep, open up concentration camps for the wrong thought. No Leave the Bastard yet?

Voting reform would massively give me the ick!

And why does that make it apparently understandable to smash town centres and set fire to buildings, etc?

The post you are commenting on makes me laugh. Probably a bot. How do you solve the housing crisis, NHS backlog, and immigration in five weeks, all with a 20bln black hole in the budget. I'd love to know.

My DH has been very very quiet this weekend, switching channels when the news comes on etc, because he knows his hero NF is behind this, and that his obsession with him has already driven a massive wedge between us. He can neither defend the riots nor criticise them as he's stuck in the middle of it all with his political choices.

If this was me, I'd wouldn't be planning on staying with him much longer

Where would you deport 'British criminals' to? Most countries have their own criminals, why would they want ours as well?