DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

He voted reform? He most certainly is not a good person

Omg I couldn't agree more with this!!!

The Riots are a result of partisan politics finding it easier to scapegoat others rather listening and trying to address the underlying decade old problems (access to work, access to healthcare, functiioning as a working society, increasingly uneven distribution of wealth).

The best work our parliament does is cross party, yet we still have first past the post and two party politics.

Reform manifesto
"We will freeze immigration". No party will be able to do that.

"Any teaching about a period or example of British or European imperialism or slavery must be paired with the teaching of a non-European occurrence of the same to ensure balance." What? There is no equal to colonialism.

"Stop the war on drivers": What war?

Too tedious and stupid to read further.

I haven’t disappeared. Wasn’t expecting so many replies so am taking them all in - thank you.

DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’

of course they are. we all should be. I'm angry and I'm tried and I'm sad that violence against women and girls is a seemily constant backdrop of our country. Being angry is fine. Being angry is not justification to make the world less safe, especially when you are claiming those aggressive acts in service of those little girls memory.

As an aside, ‘Not being listened to?’
They have their own newspapers, their own TV news station, their own outspoken politicians, their own TikTok, YouTube channels.
We are listening, but we don’t like what we hear.

How can people think this is ‘Anger’

BULLOCKS!!!!

These are not peaceful protests

These consist of Racism, Violence and thuggery against people, businesses, Shops. Pulling people out of cars that aren't white British out of cars and beating them
Looting

How is this anger?
Its racism disguised as patriotism and its bullshit

Oh well, I am angry too. I am angry that I should be in fear because of the colour of my skin. He can get in line with all of us angry people.

Exactly this.

This would make me really sad - as would having a DH who voted for Nigel Farage! However, you said he's a good person and I assume you don't want to leave him so I suppose you just need to understand him.
I don't think it's racist to have concerns about immigration but what I find concerning is that people are blowing it out of all proportion and thinking it's the root of all evil in our society. I really disagree.

I know lots of women who are angry that men as a group are habitually and casually violent, oppressive and entitled towards women, don't pull their weight and generally make society a less pleasant place than it could be in many respects.

I haven't heard of any of them pulling men out of their cars, setting fire to stuff or gathering in large groups to intimidate them.

"Angry" is not an excuse but nor is it a reason. It may explain why these people (overwhelmingly men) are choosing to act in this way but it doesn't explain why they feel entitled to act in this way, as opposed to, for example, peaceful protest.

Yes, I am angry about male violence, too. And yet here I am managing not to riot.

One of my closest friends is exactly the same.

A friend posted on FB to say stay away from a particular area because of riots and she said:

"You say riots, I say a group of individuals of multiple faiths upset and distressed at the level of undocumented immigration in this country"

She voted reform as did her husband. They think Farage and Johnson are gods.

Seriously rethinking my friendship with them both.

My local Londis store has been spray painted with the most obscene language today, calling the Pakistani family (that incidentally has been serving the community for decades) the most awful names. That’s the reality of these riots. More male violence dressed up as protests.

I suspect brexit would not have come about had people similar to todays protestors been listened to 20 years ago. It was uncontrolled economic migration from Eastern Europe and the resulting reduction in real time wages that brought about the desire to leave the EU. I am a leave supporter, I still believe in time it will prove to be the correct decision. However prior to the open bordered policy on migration, I was very much supportive of the EU as a trading bloc.

Hello.

As hard as this might be, take the emotion out of it and have an open chat to go through:
-what your concerns are
-what he feels about the riots
-why he voted reform

A lot of the language around these issues is problematic.

For example 'white priveledge' is problematic as priveledge based on skin colour exists, but not all white people will feel that priveledge due to a number of reasons (social status, home life, education etc).

He might feel disillusioned, disenfranchised. I think it'd be a problem for me if he genuinely felt immigrants were the cause of that because that's just bigoted.

But there's plenty facts and evidence around immigration to support that it's a good thing for economic growth etc. Plus we need to not villainise people who are running from war and poverty.
You also need to educate him around Tory and Labour differences in processing the immigrants which will help.

Reform isn't the way to vote, I'm Asian so I'd obviously not be happy with that but it you're with your fella, then day to day he can't represent a typical reform voter? It's just whether he's gonna move further to that line of thought

Hope it all works out for you both

Well, he’s not a “good man” is he? Good men don’t condone violent thuggery like this. Or vote for fascist, racist bigots

Anyone who thinks voting for a legitimate political party is radical extremism needs a quick sense check.

I love you!

Yes, it's funny how it's only one group who have to express their "upset" and "distress" through acts of violence.

He's not a good man if he votes reform. And for anyone who wants to say voting reform doesn't make someone a bad person - YOU'RE a bad person, too.

It's a bit like having preschoolers. My kid is angry cos I gave his brother the pink bottle and him the blue. He throws the bottle onto the floor and screams "I don't WANT the boo one!!". I know he's angry, but his anger isn't over anything rational and his manifestation of his anger is unacceptable. If his little friend was over, she'd throw her bottle just to join in because she enjoys the chaos.

Some people in the riots are angry, even if they don't know what over or if what they say is nonsense. Their behaviour is diabolical and should be dealt with fully. Some people in the riots are enjoying the chaos. Their behaviour is diabolical and should be dealt with fully.

So the statement "they're angry" is fine, so long as it isn't permissive. Letting the four year off for throwing the bottle is not helpful for anyone.

Where would British criminals be deported to?

Christ, I feel we’ve done nothing but listen to racists for a decade. We’ve massively damaged our economy as they demanded, we’re poorer and less influential, and it still isn’t enough. Nothing will ever be enough to assuage their “concerns” because those concerns are really just ignorant racism stoked by bad actors.

OP, you’re married to a racist idiot. Only you can decide whether that’s a situation you can live with.

Voting Reform would be a deal breaker for me.

It's not about the principle of having "different opinions" - that's fine in itself. But surely the content of our opinions have to actually matter? I could be with someone if we disagreed on things that don't involve dignity and respect for other peoples' lives and safety.

Reform are a disgrace and I'd be extremely worried about what views he holds that he's keeping quiet from you. Moderate people don't vote for an extreme party like that.