DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

Reform? I couldn't even bring myself to fuck a Tory.

Rioting is never an acceptable solution

I don’t know if I totally agree with this tbh.

Riots have always happened as a way of protesting and yes, they inevitably end in violence.

But the Brixton riots, the peasants revolt, the riots about the poll tax in the early 90s … there will be more - tend to come about when injustice is felt. And you always always get those who enjoy violence jumping onto them, of course you do, which is wrong. But that doesn’t mean the original protest is wrong either.

In this case it isn’t fully clear what people are rioting about but I do think we need to be more honest as a society about matters pertaining to race. Otherwise it’s just going to get worse.

A Lib Dem and Reform household? I'd struggle to pick a side.

The rioters are simply criminals, I suspect many of them are just there as it’s an opportunity to cause trouble, fight, steal and be part of a mob while justifying they are doing it for a righteous cause. I have no doubt the same people would be out doing the same to “protest” and hunt down an alleged pedophile or participate in some other “social justice” protest like police brutality or black lives matter or whatever. The “cause” doesn’t really matter.

People saying they would leave their partner for voting Reform - aye right! Get over yourselves, unless your partner was out with a megaphone being a frothing evangelist campaigning for the cause I highly doubt Mrs Average Mumsnet is so principled she will be blowing her life up over her partner’s voting choice (maybe after getting her ducks in a row… 😜)

The rioters are out of order and have to be punished swiftly and severely using the full might of the law to deter and kill this carnage stone dead.

Are there issues with immigration and integration? Yes. This is NOT the way to deal with it, any more than kidding on there’s no problems is.

I know. But riots don't happen in a vacuum. Tolerating / ignoring racism that falls short of rioting feeds into a society that doesn't really see racism as unacceptable. There has a been a steady increase in the racism I have experienced over the last 10 years. I'm not at all surprised that these riots are happening. The warning signs have been there and getting stronger for years.

Some people can't be with someone who doesn't share their core beliefs, while others are able to compartmentalise certain topics and leave them out of their relationship. Most of us have things we've learned to just leave alone. You agree to disagree and keep life pleasant by never discussing it.

I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who didn't share my basic political views, but if I was already married to a man, had kids with him, and was otherwise happy, I wouldn't blow it all up over politics, if we could agree to leave it out of our shared life. If he wouldn't stop talking about our opposing views and was driving me up the wall, that would be different.

Do you not have any immigrant friends? Even second generation?

There's a lot more than "one".

Many of us have integrity and morals which wouldn't allow us to stay with an ignorant racist.

Listen to Tony Sewell on Radio 4 last night, 41 minutes in. He may be explaining better than you DH what your DH is trying to say.

The violent thugs rioting are appalling. The protesters have a point.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0021qjf

The violent thugs are the protesters right now.

Are you serious?

Me neither.

Did either of you read the Reform manifesto, or rely on what you heard?

Similarly are you working with facts or media hyperbole/manipulation. Applies to all 'sides'.

I don't think I would see this is as a difference in politics; I'd see it as a fundamental difference in core values.

I'm a left-wing Labour voter, but I have at least one friend who votes Tory and I have plenty of friends who are floating voters and have voted different ways at different times. We still have broadly the same values, though. My Tory mate agrees with me on most things other than economics - he's a very moderate Tory and although we have had many, many political arguments, we actually ultimately both want a fairer and more prosperous society, but have different ideas on how that would be achieved.

However, I couldn't live, or be friends, with someone who voted Reform or who claims that racists have 'legitimate concerns' or any of that stinking horseshit. If you protest against a group of people living in Britain on the sole grounds of their ethnicity, religion or birthplace, you are a horrible cunt whether your 'protest' is violent or not. Farage, Anderson and Trice are, however much they claim otherwise, are fascists and fascism is fucking repellent.

The protesters have a point

No they don't.

Why wouldn't she be?

I couldn’t be with someone taking part in violent protests or terrorism. I definitely couldn’t be with a genuine racist (I’m not white anyway) and have cut people and family out of my life for being racist. That includes close Nigerian family friends who won’t allow their children to date white people - it works both ways.

I could be with a partner or friend who has diametrically opposed views to me or voted Reform because people are entitled to their own views and many people who voted for reform aren’t racist. They simply wanted to highlight there is a cultural problem that needs to be addressed.

This in spades. My inlaw’s racist, ableist and misogynistic comments are tolerated by everyone around them (except me and DH) and I couldn’t understand it. Anytime we commented on it we got “but they are good people otherwise”, um no they aren’t.

Did you all do the policy checker thing in the run up to the election? Everyone I know, apart from Labour activists who recognised the policies, was surprised by the outcome.

This. Is he not allowed to have an opinion? People are angry.

Well - they do.

It isn’t one you agree with and it’s one you find personally abhorrent and both those are reasonable stances. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a point. It’s that silencing which is causing the very situation we have now.

But I am speaking into the air. We will keep having Trump, Brexit, Tory landslides, now this, because people must anxiously declare their morals are superior.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however unpleasant you find it.

Whether you find it so unpleasant that you choose to leave them, is your own choice.

Its not a ‘political’ view

The riots are racist violent thuggery and i simply couldnt be with someone who condoned racism

OP if he is generally a good husband and father, as you state, I'd just agree to disagree on this one

I'd agree that neither of you discuss it if it's a real point of contention
Obviously if he was out rioting himself that would be a completely diff matter. Doesn't sounds like he's excusing their behaviour per se, ..but basically saying he doesn't agree w the violence, but that we need to listen to what's behind it (and for some people it will be that they're simply racist thugs)

Because someone voted for a political party? Bit harsh? Do you ask prospective partners who they vote for when you meet them ?