DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

Like the Nazi party?
Parliamentarism through parliamentary means... Literally voted into power. Just because the party exists doesn't mean it's not racist.

And take Israel - an apartheid state claiming to be a democracy which forbids 5 million Palestinians the right to vote. That's radical extremism too

People change.
I have a similar issue with DH who I've been with 48 years. Not about to leave him now over politics.
His attitude has always been to question the popular narrative and play devils advocate, it's just that he's moved over from left to right while I have moved from far left to centre.
Of course he doesn't support riots and thinks they should be dealt with ruthlessly.
We have some forthright discussions!

Really? You can think of no other groups of people within the last few weeks who have expressed in such a way? There has been no news coverage showing groups other than this behaving this way?

A black relative of mine was saying something very similar to your husband. He also said that people were reluctant to question what was happening for fear of being labelled racist. Great to hear you describe your husband so well.

I hope she's okay, I really feel for the police at the moment.

Me and my DH differ on a lot of things but I don’t think I could be married to someone who had it in them to vote for Reform and ‘truly’ was behind their cause. Ie not just voting tactically or voted for them once on a single issues of that makes sense. Being broadly on the same side of the political spectrum is important, at least on the big issues.

I did it. I’m what MN would call a Labour activist - I’m a member of the party and have stuffed envelopes etc for elections - I wasn’t surprised, except by how close Plaid (another left wing party…) came to Labour 8n the final result. That’s because despite everyone going on about ‘generational’ and ‘tribal’ voting I actually know what the parties stand for and align with the one who stands for values as close to possible as mine. The natural consequence of this is that their policies are things I agree with, on the whole. Not always, but unless you start your own company, sorry, party like Farage you’ll never agree with everything a party does.
Dont be so quick to assume that a) people don’t understand politics and b) lots of people are racist but unaware if it. If Reform’s ‘policies’ (all fantasy anyway) chimed with you, then you are probably pretty right wing and it’s quite likely you have some racist views.

edit: interesting you think only Labour activists recognise their party’s policies…do no Tory!Lib Dem/Reform supporters? That explains a lot…

Palestinian Israelis are free to vote, although there are some claims of discrimination.

https://ecfr.eu/special/mapping_palestinian_politics/palestinian_citizens_of_israel/

Well at least you aren't being dramatic

Acknowledging people are angry isn't the same as supporting their behaviour.

So you’re proposing to break up a family??? How dreadful.

This is MN, LOL, many only deal in absolutes!

Lots of people a) despise rioting and racism and b) are a bit concerned about the effects of fast, mass immigration.

If you can't understand this, then maybe it's you who's a thicko.

I totally agree with you. My husband, parents, friends and children are all a mixed bag as far as voting is concerned, and that's just the ones who choose to share their opinion. I'm not about to start vetting them for 'the wrong' sort of views.

Unfortunately I think you're wasting your time airing this view because these days many people seem to love brandishing a pitchfork.

I think this thread does throw up a lot of the problems we are dealing with as a society at the moment.

People claiming - oh well, I am angry and I haven’t resorted to violence - no, not on an individual level. But women have in the past done so in order to obtain the vote, in order to fight for some of the rights we have today. There’s also been violence when protesting against racism (is it acceptable then?) and other things most of us would consider to be positive movements. It’s probably hard to avoid to a point when big crowds congregate and feelings are high.

There is the lazy way of looking at it - this is wrong and if you say anything, anything other than how wrong it is, you are also wrong. And I wouldn’t be near a person who did because I’m not wrong; I’m very very not wrong.

Or there’s the more complex - this is wrong, how, as a society, can we all start to put it right?

No I mean none of my friends vote Tory or reform. And so were surprised to find Tory and reform policies popping up that they’d chosen.

I’m a floating voter, so always do it and am always surprised by what I get. My friends are all left leaning bar one or two.

You really are making massive assumptions.

Surely he recognises that the rioters don’t represent people on the whole. The rioters are a very specific subgroup whose purpose it’s to disrupt or in some cases just go along for a jolly.

Neither would I. I wouldn’t put makeup on to go on a date before checking the man wasn’t a Reform voter.

I find it unfathomable that people here are suggesting that a family be broken apart over differing opinions. The op said he’s a good husband and father. Does that count for nothing in your minds? My goodness I’m appalled.

Op, wasn’t this something you discussed before marriage? I once dated a lovely man but he was a progressive and I’m a traditionalist. We decided to let things go for both our sakes and 20 years on we are still good friends (with opposing opinions!). He loves sending me articles to rile me up and I do the same to him. Romantically though it would never have worked but we had the sense to see that.

Well at least he’s honest. People are angry.
Is he meant to pretend they’re not?
We never really know who votes for who anyway, only who they tell us.

Men move to the right as they get older. You could marry Labour and end up Reform.

Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

My political and religious views are very different. It's not something I ever talk about.

My assumption was you felt everyone was more right wing than they thought when they looked at policies. My contention is you are very wrong.

Not that many and usually not that dramatically.

Agreed.