To no longer respond to hints

[marshlellow]

"I've got some washing to do"
"Are you making a cup of tea?"

AIBU to stop picking up any of my husbands "hints" and wait for him to ask me directly?

It's really annoying. Why is he like this?

Mine says ‘would you like to insert task’
Drives me up the wall. Of course I say no. Still phrases it like this after 13 years married

I have started doing this with the "We should do..." enter whatever task partner is clearly trying to delegate indirectly to me. Once I noticed I was just doing all this stuff I just stopped and agree instead "oh yes we should" and then do it if I really care it about and leave it if not. Not sure he has really noticed though so probably would be better to actually discuss it.

Mine is annoying me right now with "where have you put...?" enter item of his that I haven't touched. Why can't he just ask if I have seen said item or know where it is

"Oh have you - can you do mine at the same time"

" I wasn't but I'll have one if you are making one yourself "

“I haven’t got any clean running kit”. On repeat. 🤷‍♀️

OH I FEEL YOU. "where is the xyz" how would I know??

Don’t wait for him to ask you directly.

"I've got some washing to do"
Go on then!

"Are you making a cup of tea?"
No but if you want one could you make me one too?

He's now said "I might leave a load in the washing machine tomorrow morning"

I just diverted the conversation to the Olympics.

Overheard in my garden, from nextdoor for fuck sakes Paul, you're a grown man, find your own fucking shoes!

I genuinely wouldn't mind if he asked me if I wouldn't mind doing the washing when I'm wfh. It's the not asking that's doing my head in.

Agree with the tea strategy

Try asking "which one of us is 'we'?"
That worked with my husband. 😀

Or say to him look, if you want me to do you a favour I'd really rather you just ask me to help you out.

"Please don't block the machine if others want to use it for their own laundry."

My dh says things like 'we really need to sort that cupboard' (he means me)

I now agree yes we do and do it if I planned /want to. Otherwise no one does it.

I get...

Do you want to (insert thing he wants me to do)

I say. No.

Husband: Have we sent a birthday/get well/whatever card to (insert one of his relative’s name)?
Me: What’s all this ‘we’ business?
Husband: 😶

It’s so annoying! I deliberately ignore hints and suggestions from both DH and DC, both told frequently that if they want me to do something they need to ask clearly and directly. DC is pretty good now, DH still looks mortally wounded that I’m not charmed by his approach 😬

My DH doesn't hint at me to do things for him, but it does say equally annoying things.

For example. I'll go out shopping - or out to meet a friend, and I'm out for like, three hours ... When I come back, he's done the washing and drying up and put the washing on and hung it out. (Doesn't do it very often. Maybe twice a month.) He tells me he's done it as soon as I step foot in the house.

I just say, 'Oh, that's great. Thanks.' Then he says, 'you didn't mind me doing the washing up for you, did you?' and 'you didn't mind me doing the washing for you, did you?' He's obviously after me saying, 'no, of course not. I'm actually really grateful and happy that you did it' with a big grateful happy smile!

But all he gets from me is, 'why the hell would I mind you doing the washing up, and the washing, which, you know, is pretty much 50% yours?!' He basically tries to fish for compliments. And when he does household tasks, he always says that he's done them for me. He says 'I've run the hoover around the house. Saved you a job.' with a big smile, and eagerly awaiting thanks and praise.

This drives me mad. The unfinished sentences with the “fill in the blank” really get me. I’m pretty good now at saying, “I don’t know.” to every question about where something is, and if it isn’t phrased as a question, for example, “I can’t find my glasses…”, I don’t even answer at all. I’ve become a hard nosed bitch.

If you can’t beat him join him. Tell him about every bit of housework you do “for him”. In our house this is a running joke every time I do the dishwasher I tell my partner I did it “for him”.

Omg this thread is great....... only this evening about 3 hours ago I was asked what "I" had done with "his" car insurance letter that had been sat on the living room table for the last month...... I've no idea darling.......cue the harrumphs and sound of drawers being opened and shut and paper being flicked through.......apparently it HAS to be found NOW!.....yes dear.........

If my DH has a complaint he says “Why have people moved my wallet,” or “Why haven’t people made me any tea?” Or whatever he’s moaning about.

By people he means me. Just me. No one else. I am people. SO I do exactly the same. Never refer to him as you, always as people 😂

I would presume if people never start responding to hints then they will soon stop? It sounds a bit martyr like to go along with it

My DH tried this and got an ear bashing.

Recently I came back from a weekend away.
DC 17 & 18 told me DH had said “I’ve hoovered for your mum.”

When I question DH he panicked and said “What I said was I’ve hoovered because it makes you happy.”

Oh not because it’s our home and we should all be keeping to clean then?

Nice

Oooh I've had "I've helped you with the vaccuming" the other day.

I had to ask him to repeat himself as I genuinely was shocked