To no longer respond to hints

[marshlellow]

"I've got some washing to do"
"Are you making a cup of tea?"

AIBU to stop picking up any of my husbands "hints" and wait for him to ask me directly?

It's really annoying. Why is he like this?

I always tell DH that the washing machine is singing for him 🤣 he does nearly all the laundry.

I also tell him when I've done his chores for him. He does more than me.

It is in jest but it's probably irritating after more than a decade!

Omg yes, I used to get I've hoovered for you, I've taken the washing upstairs for you, I watered the plants for you. It was all for me, as if he was doing me some massive favour and wanted thanks for it.

Or even worse, he would watch me struggle with a heavy load or something, whilst sitting on his phone or pissing about doing something else. And if I mentioned it, he would say well why didn't you ask for help ?

Maybe I should! 😆

OMG, this is my DH to a T. Huffs and puffs and sighs with annoyance, when he can't find something he KNOWS he left on his little table at the side of his armchair. I have lost count of the amount of times this has happened over the past 10 years, and sometimes I eventually get up and help him search the house. Turns out the fecking thing is in a drawer of his in the bedroom! All I get is 'well I don't remember putting it there.' In other words, I must have put it there. (I didn't! HE did!)

I cannot stand this, and absolutely will not respond to this kind of thing. Drives me insane.

Brilliant 👏

I feel like I'm reading a thread from the Twilight Zone.

I have had this. The hinting. I feel it is so they haven't actually asked for help and so don't feel the need to be grateful?

Like a 'well, you offered'

Because if they asked - can you help me with... Can you make me... can you sort this... There would need to be a thankfulness from them and they just don't want to do that?

By not asking they are firstly not admitting they need your help and secondly getting help without actually requesting it. No need to be thankful.

That is my take on it. I just ignore hints or say 'do you need my help/need me to do something? You need to actually ask me'

Mine is the same! Drives me round the bend. Literally yesterday sat eating dinner and he suddenly goes "I'm thirsty". I say "Get a drink then". "I can't get past because Xs chair". "Oh dear, I guess you're going thirsty or asking someone to either go get a drink for you or move". Stare off, because he knows how much it pisses me off but for some reason thinks asking will cause the world to end or his dick to drop off or something.

I get ‘do you know where X goes’ and ‘do you have a plan for Y’ when really he means ‘can you put X away’ and ‘when are you going to deal with Y’ 😆

Hahha oh my god I can't believe your OH has a little table by the side of his armchair too! - so does mine!!! It's his dumping ground.....the huffs and puffs are so bloody annoying aren't they 😂

DH: Behold the infinitely configurable distribution board I have designed and built from scratch with my own hands, that will dispense any kind of keg beer requiring any type of gas propulsion, work with any cooling system and take account of any combination of other variables.

Also DH: No, I can't possibly hang the washing out because I don't know how to do it.

No, he doesn’t, he’s a grown up who either does it himself or asks if I can do it, occasionally asks if I know where something is but never acts like I should know or it’s my responsibility to keep track of his shit.
Once and only once has he suggested he was helping me, I glared, he very quickly retracted it and said something along the lines of it being a bad choice of words and he didn’t mean to suggest it was my responsibility and was aware that he was also an adult living in the house and these things were equally his responsibility.
I said nothing in response, just nodded, it has never happened again.

My DH is great at sharing housework, we have no set tasks for each person we just both get in and do what needs doing whoever is home first.

But occasionally he goes through this thing where he'll say "do you want me to do the dishes?"
"Do you want me to vacuum?"
"Do you want me to take out the rubbish?"

And then I feel like a cow if I say yes actually.
It's obvious he doesn't feel like doing the tasks (no one does haha) but puts the decision back on me. I HATE it and call him out on it every time.

Ask why. What does he expect to happen?

Why can’t he follow through with adding detergent and switching the fucker on? Does he really need you to talk him through it? Whatever you do don’t give a practical demonstration or that will be a ‘win’ for him. Explain very simply and clearly if he’s incapable of following instructions easily (🙄) but talk HIM through the process so he has done it himself. If necessary write instructions and tape to the machine so he has no future excuses of ‘forgetting’. That really is pathetic.

I can’t bear men who are quite capable of mastering the mechanics of learning to drive or anything that they fundamentally want to do but who feign a profound inability to wash their (or the households) clothes/ do dishwasher/ iron their shirts/ clean the oven …..

Not a ‘hi ting thing’ but…
Me: do you want tea/coffee, fried/scrambled eggs, toast/bread?
Him: whatever is easiest
Me: the EASIEST thing is if you fucking TELL me!!!

The easiest thing for YOU is if he did it himself

Short replies - “yep”, “yep”, “yep”.

Maybe ask him if he wants you to make yourself a cup of tea, go clothes shopping, get dressed, what an annoying idiot

If anyone “left” a load of washing in the machine for me they’d be likely to find it in the wheelie bin.

Yeah this 🙄

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway Oh the huffing and the puffing! And also the accusations - 'who's moved X?' It wasn't me and it wasn't the kids - must've been him! Aaargh! It's the outrage that accompanies the accusations that irritates me.

This will be childhood behaviour of him telling his mum he’s thirsty and her hooping up and running to get him what he needs. He didn’t need to ask - very basic language ‘I’m thirsty’ solve this for me. Was he spoilt? That or he sounds like a massively entitled prick with a superiority complex - does he think he’s the king or something in your house? Can see why you’re pissed off

I remember hearing over the garden wall, the husband calling his wife who had gone out to lunch with friends, telling her that the washing machine had finished and she had forgotten and his clothes needed putting on the line to dry.

How she didn't tell him to just put them on the fucking line I don't know.

They sat there til she got home though.

You all have the patience of saints for putting up with this man-child behaviour for so long. It’s grim.

I think it depends on the motivation and whether he’s a lazy thing. If not I’d be having a conversation about it and asking him why. Some people just use it as a way to ask for help without asking, perhaps if brought up to do so. If lazy then as others have said just say oh ok, that’s nice etc.