Page 6 | To no longer respond to hints

marshlellow · 2024-08-06T20:23:40+00:00

"I've got some washing to do" "Are you making a cup of tea?" AIBU to stop picking up any of my husbands "hints" and wait for him to ask me directly? It's really annoying. Why is he like this?

Fedupandstressed · 07/08/2024 13:41

IncompleteSenten · 07/08/2024 11:44

Another thing I do with the we thing is put on a posh accent and say ooh is this the royal we and take the piss.

You have to challenge this shit. Like he used to walk into the kitchen and start faffing with the cooking, turning the heating up or down, adding salt, etc so I created the You Interfere, You Volunteer rule. The second he put his nose into something I was doing, I handed it over and left the room.

That cured the fucker.

In the interests of fairness I must say I have some equally infuriating habits that he's had to put up with and/or train me out of. It's not a one way thing here. I'm frustrating to live with too.

Edited

Oh man, that's a far better thing to write on the wall than that stupid 'Live, Laugh Love' utter drivel.

Right over the entrance to the kitchen!

Thoranddrjones · 07/08/2024 13:45

honeysucklebelladonna · 07/08/2024 02:33

No, he doesn’t, he’s a grown up who either does it himself or asks if I can do it, occasionally asks if I know where something is but never acts like I should know or it’s my responsibility to keep track of his shit.
Once and only once has he suggested he was helping me, I glared, he very quickly retracted it and said something along the lines of it being a bad choice of words and he didn’t mean to suggest it was my responsibility and was aware that he was also an adult living in the house and these things were equally his responsibility.
I said nothing in response, just nodded, it has never happened again.

Exactly my experience as well. Murderous look, shut down once, never happened......

.....until this week! 🙈

TorroFerney · 07/08/2024 13:53

marshlellow · 07/08/2024 06:21

I'm wondering if it's some sort of don't ask for help it's a sign of weakness or a fear of rejection thing.

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Yes I think it can be (I have been guilty of it, usually driving related when I want a lift it’s about being no trouble being small or being ashamed to admit I’m nervous seeing it as a failing) this sounds a bit more like lazy!

Sceptical123 · 07/08/2024 13:58

Screwballs · 07/08/2024 12:40

My other half's way is "do you know what happened with X" when he is clearly asking if I did something. I.e. "do you know why the toilet roll is empty". Yes, because I didn't change it at 5am when I got up to feed the baby and had a quick pee. Given im the only other person that uses that loo, if you don't know about it, then it's safe to assume a burglar hadn't gotten in just to leave an empty roll. Did it require a bloody patronising conversation to high light my failures?

Ask me what you mean or dont bloody ask.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻

RainsALotHere · 07/08/2024 14:00

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/08/2024 22:08

My DH doesn't hint at me to do things for him, but it does say equally annoying things.

For example. I'll go out shopping - or out to meet a friend, and I'm out for like, three hours ... When I come back, he's done the washing and drying up and put the washing on and hung it out. (Doesn't do it very often. Maybe twice a month.) He tells me he's done it as soon as I step foot in the house.

I just say, 'Oh, that's great. Thanks.' Then he says, 'you didn't mind me doing the washing up for you, did you?' and 'you didn't mind me doing the washing for you, did you?' He's obviously after me saying, 'no, of course not. I'm actually really grateful and happy that you did it' with a big grateful happy smile!

But all he gets from me is, 'why the hell would I mind you doing the washing up, and the washing, which, you know, is pretty much 50% yours?!' He basically tries to fish for compliments. And when he does household tasks, he always says that he's done them for me. He says 'I've run the hoover around the house. Saved you a job.' with a big smile, and eagerly awaiting thanks and praise.

When DH tries that that here we all stand up and clap. Standing ovation for the man who hoovered the floor, emptied the dishwasher, put on some washing! Hooray!

He hates it but the teens love winding him up so usually reminds him not to do it for a while at least.

FictionalCharacter · 07/08/2024 14:08

DownWhichOfLate · 06/08/2024 21:34

“I haven’t got any clean running kit”. On repeat. 🤷‍♀️

The universal response to statements like that is "oh".

MailmansWife · 07/08/2024 14:31

Ineedanewsofa · 07/08/2024 12:02

I wish it was childhood behaviour - MIL still waits on DH and BIL hand and foot the moment they step in to her house. They are allowed to do jobs but only ‘manly’ jobs (DIY tasks mainly) and are lavished with praise for things like changing a lightbulb 🙄 She seems genuinely mystified that her two DILs are not only unimpressed by this but that we both expect 50/50 splits in our homes. She does the passive aggressive hinting as well, so it’s clear where that came from!

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I've got one of those, only it's my DM and my brothers

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 07/08/2024 14:33

PfishFood · 07/08/2024 10:47

Lol, are we married to the same person?!

Mine also fishes for compliments too.

He used to often say "I've done some washing" or "I've picked up the dead mouse that the cat brought in" in a way that suggests there's a silent "...for you" at the end, or he wants me to say thank you. What he gets in reality is an "OK".

He did comment on the "OK" once and I just replied "Well I don't list out all the domestic chores I've done while you're out do I?"

I'm re-training his brain gradually though as he doesn't do it anywhere near as much any more.

The fishing for compliments when he's taken me out for dinner or a day out for a birthday or something do annoy me. I'll always say thank you at the end of a meal or trip, but he'll constantly bring it up "Did you enjoy the meal?" or "That was a good meal wasn't it?" or "You've had a good day haven't you?". I've actually started saying "I've already said yes, it was lovely and thank you - you don't need to keep asking me for more gratitude".

Thank heavens he also stopped saying about his friend "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting" - that one really pissed me off! Before he retrained his brain it was quite funny to watch though: "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting, shit, er, bollocks, I mean he's got the kids as Tania's out for the day". 😂

I've heard him repeating some of the things I say to him to our nephews though, so I'd like to think I'm helping the next generation be better in the absence of any DC of our own!

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Oh dear, I do admire your patience. I’d like a bloke I don’t have to “train” but maybe that’s why I’m long term single 😬

NorthernSpirit · 07/08/2024 14:44

Doggymummar · 06/08/2024 21:40

Overheard in my garden, from nextdoor for fuck sakes Paul, you're a grown man, find your own fucking shoes!

God I salute her.

My favourite….. “Where did you put my……” I haven’t touched your fucking shoes / keys / wallet / glasses - insert as necessary…..

Member984815 · 07/08/2024 15:42

It's a kind of dry begging isn't it, I never give in to hinting these days. If you want something you better just come out and ask.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 07/08/2024 15:43

Sceptical123 · 07/08/2024 05:31

This will be childhood behaviour of him telling his mum he’s thirsty and her hooping up and running to get him what he needs. He didn’t need to ask - very basic language ‘I’m thirsty’ solve this for me. Was he spoilt? That or he sounds like a massively entitled prick with a superiority complex - does he think he’s the king or something in your house? Can see why you’re pissed off

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Nope! He did it once in front of his mum and she threatened to smack the back of his head 🤣

Sceptical123 · 07/08/2024 15:46

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 07/08/2024 15:43

Nope! He did it once in front of his mum and she threatened to smack the back of his head 🤣

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😂👍🏻

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 07/08/2024 15:54

I'll be fair that the "I'm thirsty" and whatnot is irritating, but hasn't ended up under the patio as he's otherwise a good partner. Did 100% of cooking/chores when I was pregnant and really sick with literally zero complaining, especially when I'd often smell what I'd asked him to make and throw up and refuse to eat it. Still did most of chores on maternity leave because baby was very clingy.

He can be a bit naff with mental load, for example I say young child needs dinner, he asks what to give them, but I did counteract that by making a list of meals for his nursery bag/packed lunch so now he picks one of them instead of texting me at work to ask what to send for their lunch today etc.

He does get pissed off if someone sees him do drop off/pick up or takes to park and someone says how nice it is he's babysitting. He has been known to reply that it isn't babysitting when he's their bloody parent when he was particularly sleep deprived.

stardust777 · 07/08/2024 16:04

Not rtft

"I've got some washing to do"
Do it

"Are you making a cup of tea?"
No

Mostlycarbon · 07/08/2024 16:04

marshlellow · 06/08/2024 21:38

He's now said "I might leave a load in the washing machine tomorrow morning"

I just diverted the conversation to the Olympics.

He's now said "I might leave a load in the washing machine tomorrow morning"

"Try turning it on while you're at it." 🙄

PocketSand · 07/08/2024 16:04

Sorry to bring the mood down but my ex would always ask where I had HIDDEN whatever he couldn't find. Obviously I hadn't moved it and had no idea but the claim that I had deliberately hidden whatever it was would set the mood of despair - how can he think I would , who does he think I am - and waiting for the next shoe to fall. Gaslighting and threat. Awful. So glad I am free from that.

These threads trigger me. I would have joined in previously, ribbing ex for being a twat and needing training. I always think what lies behind it. Twat in a loving relationship or abusive twat. Assuming that you can have a loving relationship with a twat.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 07/08/2024 16:12

I miss our cats (RIP). "Where's the bloody cat put the <item that a cat could not have put anywhere>?" They weren't good for much (excelled at shedding fur, bringing in mice, scratching furniture) but they were very good for blame.

Karatema · 07/08/2024 16:16

anywhichone · 06/08/2024 21:50

My dh says things like 'we really need to sort that cupboard' (he means me)

I now agree yes we do and do it if I planned /want to. Otherwise no one does it.

My DH was fed up with waiting for me to do it so did it when I was away a few days! Result 🤣

greenwoodentablelegs · 07/08/2024 16:49

@IncompleteSenten

this is epic

the You Interfere, You Volunteer rule!

I need that for work not home life. DH is a saint and does most of it

AdoraBell · 07/08/2024 17:03

@Doggymummar 🤣 I love your neighbour.

When I got together with DH quickly he learned not to use those type of hints, because I take it as an exact question and answer directly.

Him- Are you making tea?
Me- No.

Treesnbirds · 07/08/2024 21:45

@Applesandpears23

"If you can’t beat him join him. Tell him about every bit of housework you do “for him”. In our house this is a running joke every time I do the dishwasher I tell my partner I did it “for him”.

Genius! 🤩🤩

22FrustatedUser · 07/08/2024 21:56

Doggymummar · 06/08/2024 21:40

Overheard in my garden, from nextdoor for fuck sakes Paul, you're a grown man, find your own fucking shoes!

🤣

Treesnbirds · 07/08/2024 22:04

One time my DH said "I don't have any clean socks" so I replied "oh dear. Well, check the odd sock bag and NEXT time this happens, come to me, and I'll draw you a little map showing where to find the washing machine."

Was quite pleased with that one 😁.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 07/08/2024 23:10

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/08/2024 08:28

@marshlellow when hubby starts saying things like "we really should ......" I usually reply "is this the royal "we" you are speaking about"??????

Edited

Maybe you should ask him if he has gone non-binary and you need to start calling him they?

twoshedsjackson · 08/08/2024 10:32

My late DM was also inclined towards "subtle " hints, in her later years; unfortunately for her, I had learned at her knee how to Take No Nonsense.
eg ("Sigh) You know, I can't remember the last time somebody brought me flowers......"
"Me neither. Bummer, isn't it?"