To no longer respond to hints

[marshlellow]

"I've got some washing to do"
"Are you making a cup of tea?"

AIBU to stop picking up any of my husbands "hints" and wait for him to ask me directly?

It's really annoying. Why is he like this?

I know this thread is lighthearted (and it is very funny)
But it's so interesting isn't it, how language works to reflect back attitudes and social structures. You so rarely hear women talk like this.

My mum is a bugger for this and always has been.
She won't ask anyone to do anything.
When I was a kid she used to get angry and say things like I shouldn't have to ask, if you loved me you'd know what needs to be done.
That was over housework.
Except when any of us did anything she'd snap at us to stop and say she preferred to do it herself.

Then she'd moan that she was the only one who ever did anything.

Nowadays she makes statements that are clearly hints.
I really need to go to the shop
I need to do/get/have

With a sigh and followed by silence.

Me and my sister (our dad died several years ago) used to immediately reply oh I'll do it/get it/sort it

Now we say "ok". Or "if you need help you can always ask"

And she has always, all my life, said how independent she is and how she does everything and doesn't ever ask for help.

Some people are absolutely incapable of asking for things for some reason and instead try to manipulate others into offering.

And in my mum's case basically pleading with her to let us do the thing she's been hinting at us that she wants us to do. 🤣. We've stopped doing that bugger now!

The only acceptable responses here are the following:
"Well done"
"Good for you"
"That's nice"
"I'm not sure why you're telling me this because if you can get the clothes into the washing machine, you can put the wash on too and take it out yourself too so this is information that I don't really need, isn't it?"

@FetchezLaVache this irritates me so fucking much. DH is a mechanical engineer..builds machinery and racking systems with complicated sensors inside giant warehouses, but can I set the cat feeders because he doesn't know how to do it...it's too complicated 🙄
Why do some men use all their capacity at work but can't be fucked at home?

I also get the 'the litter tray needs cleaning/this house is a mess/this or that needs doing'. I point out it will be me then or take it as a jab and he says no, no I didn't mean you have to do it. Then doesn't do it and works away all week. Then does the whole 'im sorry, I'm so rubbish' so he expects sympathy for being shit and me doing everything. (Wow not sure where all that came from!!)

DH's favourite's are
'Hep you might want to think about....' like only him has thought about and he needs to tell me.

And 'What are these/this on here?'
Me - points out the obvious'they are a pile of ironing etc.' He thinks this a subtle way of telling me what to do.

My mum was the same. She expected us to read her mind. She saw mind reading as a sign of caring lol.
When my 14 year old son got his first adult bike and helmet, he started cycling on the roads. My mum said “I thought he would have cycled over to see me.” (She lived 2 miles away)
I said “Oh, ok, I’ll tell him.”
She said “ No! I want him to visit without being told.”

My DH has never asked me where xyz is since this incident.

Him where’s my xyz
Me Turn round
Him Why
Me So I can see if you’ve left it at your backside

Worked a treat the DC use it on their partners now.

"How would I know if you have sent a card to your auntie or not, Steve?"

After 81 replies starting to feel grateful for my husband! He's not perfect but he doesn't pull these stunts...well, he will sometimes send me a text telling me he's done XYZ - I send a medal emoji back

Yanbu. I do the same with everyone. If you want me to do something say it outright

This is what I need to say!! Thank you! I have so much of this. "We should..., we need to..." etc

I hate 'we'.

"Oh, let's not worry about that now. We'll get it sorted".

Meaning he can't be bothered but knows when push comes to shove, I'll do it.

I’ve done the hoovering FOR YOU
Ive washed up FOR YOU

Thank fuck I’m divorced…. 🎉

Really?

I find women are the worst for it at work /socially actually

I get this.

I think women are just as bad at dancing round issues EXCEPT for when household chores are involved. IME anyway!

What does he mean by leaving a load in the machine?

Followed, I hope, by "What are you going to do about it?" on repeat.

Oh I mean specifically in the ways and phrases mentioned on this thread, women have a whole other set of language that upholds the patriarchy, by talking about men and boys in an infantilising way, or as things that need to be managed, or in a way that indicates that men are somehow a different species that can programme computers but not work a washing machine.

Also, to anyone reading this, to be absolutely crystal clear: I am NOT saying all men or all women talk like this. But some of them do, so don't come at me with 'I've never heard anyone talk like this' - just because that's not your experience, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

You should give him a glass of water and tell him that was easiest.

I cured DH of all this shit years ago by being vicious and sarcastic at the first sign of man-hinting.

Him: i'm getting a bit hungry
Me: that big silver thing in the kitchen is called a cooker. Look it up on YouTube if you're not sure how it works.

Him: have you seen my pants?
Me: have you seen my bra?

Him: where's my [insert important thing here]
Me: that's one of life's great conundrums, isn't it?

@Marseillaise - I reply: “have you not? I have”

Edit to add: not because I am offering him use of mine!

My neighbour was waving at me like a lunatic the other week because he's having his garden done to tell me "this bit behind the (his) shed(on his property ) needs to be sorted - it's an eyesore for you and me"
So I told him the garden gate is unlocked and he can come round and sort it if it would be easier for him to reach from our side and he looked at me like I had 4 heads - he's still not been round and it's still an eyesore in his lovely new garden.

lol 😂
Him: where are my socks?
Me: where are my black knickers?
Or, to other ‘where are’ questions “ I don’t know, I’ll look into my crystal ball.”

As other posters have said, they start young:
Pupil to me , "You gotta rubber?" (Clearly expecting me to instantly supply from my inexhaustible stock of spare equipment the item he was supposed to bring with him)
Me (irked by the informal mode of address as much as the assumption) "Yes thank you!"
Tumbleweed.

LOL I call this “The Blame Game”. I even made up a theme tune to sing at him when he’s sheepishly admitted he found it somewhere else.