AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

[Packingcubesqueen]

I work in a school. One of the other teachers is leaving. They have invited a group of people to their leaving do and left a few out. The people who have been invited are various ages and job positions (SLT, TAs, Teachers etc) she has basically just excluded a few people she doesn’t like (including me). I have never had any conflict with this person, there is no back story that I know of. I am often excluded from things but never with so many others being included. Usually about half of us aren’t invited. We are also having a lunch on her last day, that is for everyone. She didn’t organise the lunch.
YABU - it’s her leaving do she can invite who she likes
YANBU - it’s a dick move

your friend isn’t adverse to shit of 🥄

When I retired, I had a group of colleagues who had supported me over the years, come to my house for afternoon tea. I did not invite the woman who regularly complained about me (and others) to the boss, who was really bitchy and generally unsupportive. She couldn't even say cheerio pleasantly on my last day. If you are that upset, speak to her and wish her well at her official do.

shes young and I'm 40 but some teachers in their 60’s have been invited.

just leave it be op

she wants to say goodbye with her colleagues with whom she’s friendly with

nothing wrong with that

and given you’re “used to being excluded”, i am surprised you are surprised

Maybe it's because you whine and don't seem to understand it's not all about you

It’s clear this is a school environment but this is all yr7 playground stuff imo.

No where has OP said she doesn’t like this person everyone is just assuming that

Seems to me quite a few pp are making quite unpleasant unfounded assumptions about OP.

Definitely not! I’m not at all involved in any of the stuff that goes on here. Which is why it’s annoying because there are some really bitchy people but they are going and I’m not. Maybe I’m just super boring. I don’t know what’s worse!

Sorry, but when someone says they are often excluded… then it’s clear there is some kind of issue with them. We all have some people who we don’t get on with or who don’t like us, but when you’re habitually excluded by more than one or two people then there is something going on. There is a reason.

If I wrote a thread that wasn’t about me that would be a bit odd? Can’t I ask a question?

When you have any kind of occasion you invite the people you want there. And you don't invite the people you don't.
What bit don't you get?

Might have something to do with her attitude in this thread?

good grief

do you really not understand this poster’s point OP?

I’m excluded by a specific group of teachers, who I assumed just didn’t warm to me. I’m not excluded in life. I have lots of long standing friends and have never had issues in other work places.

I think I'd be hurt too. It's never nice to be left out. When we invite kids to a birthday party we either invite everyone or a small group so that it's not a noticeable minority that has been left out. Isn't that what is always said on mumsnet? Adults are meant to be more thick skinned but I don't think we are. It always sucks when you realise that someone doesn't like you that much.

I remember my office mate (office of just 4 people) not inviting me to her birthday and even though I couldn't have made it that day anyway it still stung. I thought we got along very well. It especially hurt when I realised that she had invited most of the department.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable OP. I see it as being a normal part of work to have some colleagues you don’t like or gel with and having to put up with spending time with them, even outside of work. Unless it’s a small group or a personal event (like a wedding) I think people should be as inclusive as possible.

I’ve thought about my future leaving doo, and would probably make the invitation open to all, with the hope that folk I don’t like or don’t like me will just decline/not show up.

No drama and no pressure on anyone.

It's not the question, it's the fact you can't seem to grasp that what YOU would do isn't what SHE would do

Yep, some people love to get their claws out. But having heard of a few schools with surprisingly immature and toxic working environments, I wouldn’t assume that OP is at fault.

That’s a very big and unfair accusation to make based on such little information

It’s not in relation to you creating a thread. It’s in relation to your responses. Everyone is saying that she doesn’t like you, for whatever reason, and doesn’t see you as a friend so hasn’t invited you. And your reply is, “but I like her.” That’s what we mean when we say that you’re making it about you.

It’s not about you or how you feel about her. It’s her leaving night, she doesn’t see you as a friend so she hasn’t invited you. It’s very weird to reply to that by saying “but I like her.” Unless you view everything as being about you. This isn’t.

No I don’t. Why can’t I be upset at being excluded. How is that ‘making everything about me?’
Im just asking peoples opinions of if that’s the kind of thing they would do. Seems like most people are okay with it.
Im not going running to the head about it.

you are hardly the most objective person on whether or not you’re a bully

but given your OP…

ah so it's rumour and gossip - you do not actually know who is invited.