AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

[Packingcubesqueen]

I work in a school. One of the other teachers is leaving. They have invited a group of people to their leaving do and left a few out. The people who have been invited are various ages and job positions (SLT, TAs, Teachers etc) she has basically just excluded a few people she doesn’t like (including me). I have never had any conflict with this person, there is no back story that I know of. I am often excluded from things but never with so many others being included. Usually about half of us aren’t invited. We are also having a lunch on her last day, that is for everyone. She didn’t organise the lunch.
YABU - it’s her leaving do she can invite who she likes
YANBU - it’s a dick move

Youve not specified what kind of event this is? Assuming it’s off the premises and out of hours, you’re being entirely unreasonable. You’re also not the only person not invited. There’s a school-hosted lunch which everyone is invited to, and then something for her which just the people she gets on with are invited to. Would you expect an invitation to her birthday party?

This is all totally irrelevant to whether she has reason to dislike you or not, she may or may not be unreasonable for that.

This happens in life, child or adult. Kids get excluded from parties, adults get excluded from meet ups at work or with friends. I’m surprised this has shocked you so much.

F it, she’s leaving, she can do what she wants, she doesn’t owe anyone anything imo

YABU, even though it's not great knowing that you're not liked. It's her leaving do and she only wants her buddies there.

Do you not even have an inkling as to why she's not keen on you?

If it's in the staff room, it's very rude.

It's in a private setting, bar or pub or whatever, of course she can invite whoever she wants. It might not be wise, you should not burn bridges when you leave somewhere, she never know when she might bump back into you. She should have sucked it up.

She doesn't like you, not sure why you would want her to invite you anyway.

No one on MN can know if she has valid reasons or not.

It’s not about you! No one is saying that you don’t like her. That doesn’t matter either way.

She doesn’t like you. It’s her night. You’re not invited. Get over it.

Im not making her night out about me. I’m making this thread about me because I was interested in others opinions. I’m not saying anything at work which is why I’m asking on here. I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people. I’d just invite everyone or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with.

. I am often excluded from things

interesting

or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with

and that’s what she’s done

She’s invited almost everyone

So you dont have to socialise with people you work with OR contribute to a leaving gift? Wins all round.

That’s what we tell children to do when it comes to birthday parties. Adults get to make their own choices. If there’s a work leaving lunch then I’m assuming this is personal leaving drinks off premises?

It’s both- her choice and a dick move.

How many?

OP why are you used to being excluded from events?

rather then getting worked up about yet another event you’re excluded from, what about beginning to think about why

gosh you are beginning to come across as the 17 year old work experience girl, not an adult - which I guess you really are.
I do hope you don't sign her leaving card and leave a fake message.

Maybe try some numbers here because you keep saying "a few" and "almost everyone". Schools vary in size so almost everyone could be any number between 5 and 200. How many are invited out and how many are excluded? That will have a bearing on whether you are being unreasonable or not.

No I wouldn't go and I wouldn't contribute to any leaving gift either

I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people.

my leaving do
i don’t like a few people
i have literally no reason to invite them because not like i’ll ever work with them again

no flipping way would i invite them

id like to kick back with my colleagues who i’ve enjoyed working with and chew the fat and raise a glass with them

not with someone i haven’t enjoyed seeing every day for however many years

There is offical one for every. That's it. Separate outside she can invite who she wants

Are you a different age bracket to the person leaving? Do you and her have different sorts of interests?

Perhaps she thinks you wouldn't be interested in her type of leaving do.

I used to work at a really cliquish place where there were only one or two of us older people and the younger ones never invited us to out of hours dos such as the one you describe. It was quite hurtful as it was really ageist.

I wondered if there was something similar going on here.

It's not your leaving do though is it?

It’s clearly a work’s night out if only colleagues (perhaps + partners) are invited. And IMO to invite all colleagues except for a few is a dick move. The exception would be if the few colleagues not invited were bullies.

I understand it OP, it's just a bit unkind really. I've had this done to me at work - only the person wasn't leaving, it was just a jolly. Feels good 😂

I have no idea. It’s only this school that it’s ever happened in, and only with this group of people. I haven’t had issues before. She is in my department and everyone else from the department has been invited. Previously I thought I just wasn’t their cup of tea (one other teacher doesn’t seem to like me but she’s like that with a few others) but now it seems like I am actively disliked.
I’m not certain who has been invited and who hasn’t but a friend (who was invited) told me practically everyone is on the WhatsApp group.

But it's irrelevant whether you like her. She doesn't like you, so why would she invite you out?