AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

[Packingcubesqueen]

I work in a school. One of the other teachers is leaving. They have invited a group of people to their leaving do and left a few out. The people who have been invited are various ages and job positions (SLT, TAs, Teachers etc) she has basically just excluded a few people she doesn’t like (including me). I have never had any conflict with this person, there is no back story that I know of. I am often excluded from things but never with so many others being included. Usually about half of us aren’t invited. We are also having a lunch on her last day, that is for everyone. She didn’t organise the lunch.
YABU - it’s her leaving do she can invite who she likes
YANBU - it’s a dick move

She should have kept the 'friends - only' leaving do quiet. Have a feeling she was reserving the private event for some serious boozing that she felt would not be everyone's cup of tea and would prefer not to be witnessed by those whom she doesn't know well. I'd do the same, only I'd make sure that anyone who got wind of it, got an invite. That's why there's a nun at my school who ends up at everything. Ears like a bat!

I think you need to find something else to focus on, it's not about you

I think it depends how big your school is.

This happened to me once and I felt terrible, but it was a very small primary school with only 12 members of staff and I was the only one not invited. The member of staff was in a non-teaching role and didn’t work closely with anyone else. It had been organised by another member of staff, I suspect the head teacher, so I think I’d been deliberately left out rather than it being an oversight as I used to get left out of other stuff too. 😭

This is common in schools. So many people have their little cliques and won’t invite new people even though there’s been nearly a whole staff turnover. So the new staff form a clique.

maybe start your own clique to go for meals with etc.

good news is this person is leaving so won’t be your problem soon.

you could ask them in front of a few people what the plan is as you’re looking forward to it 😜

I don't think you're being unreasonable tbh. It's not nice to be left out if its only a few excluded.

Other than not being invited what makes you think she doesn't like you? Are you brave enough to ask her outright why you & XYZ didn't get an invite? Try not to be too upset by it. If she's not a close friend then don't let it bother you. Some people just don't get how their actions can affect others.

You are hugely lacking in self awareness.

Reasoning?!!

I’m with OP, if you work in a school and the majority are invited and just a handful aren’t, it seems a bit unkind. Obviously the leavers choice, but unkind all the same if only a few are excluded.

I agree with you OP, it's really mean to just leave a handful of people out. Unless those people are really mean or bullies etc I guess.

I reckon the same rule applies as for kids' parties - invite less than half or invite everyone (of any group, e.g. the class, the boys, the girls, the department, the social group, etc)

This ^^

if she's invited most of the other staff, as you said, then she has might have simply overlooked a few of you who didn't get invited perhaps?

Personally, I think she should have invited everyone, since the large majority of staff are going and will probably be discussing it before/after, making it awkward for the the few that weren't invited. I am sure those that didn't feel they would fit in would decline the invite anyway, and those that do accept won't dampen the fun of the majority, but then not everyone is as considerate of others feelings, unfortunately. I do think you've received some harsh comments on this thread btw.