To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

This is so sad. I bet she went home and cried after that.

As long as you understand that he can still change his mind when he is 55 and have them with somebody other than you, which is not the same, sadly, for a woman.

I had that when my friend’s dad made a spontaneous speech about how he wished she was more like me (a loooong one) at her wedding. Awful. I wanted the ground to swallow me. Weirdly, he also supports her so much in her ususal
life. Just so weird.

There’s definitely a place for humour in wedding speeches. It’s getting the balance right that makes the speech go well. Both bride and groom, and their families should get a warm feeling from the happy day. Upsetting anybody, even with ‘banter’, is simply not on.

I’m pretty sure we all know people who get humour wrong - sometimes terribly wrong. In my career I saw two or three people end up with HR meetings (or worse) because of ill-judged comments or actions. Male/female relations are a very delicate path to tread at work.

Why then, at weddings, do men think it’s a free-for-all opportunity to wade in with awful tasteless remarks and insults? The alcohol doesn’t help I suppose. There’s absolutely no place for sexist stupidity at a wedding. Anybody doing that is a fool.

Also, concerning humour, if you’re not entirely sure about it, don’t say it. You cannot take it back.

One where the best man was drunk and said he hoped the Groom stripped off tonight as fast as he did on his stag night . It did not get a laugh . I was just cringing .

If my DH had said that at our wedding I'd have just ended it there and then. That poor woman is going to be living a really shitty life if that's what her husband really thinks of her 😞

He sounds like a complete twat. A man publicly embarrassing his new wife (and partner of 12 years) on their wedding day.

Nothing more laughable than elderly dating.

@EI12 what do you class as 'elderly dating'? why is it laughable?

what about people who are widowed? or who wanted to stay married for live but their husband left them? does that mean they should stay single until they die or their efforts to find a partner are 'laughable'?

Not a great reason to get married. Doubt they’ll be very happy.

@EI12

Stop projecting your damage onto others. I’m very sorry someone hurt you. I’m sorry they didn’t give you what you wanted and you have come out of it very wounded, with a very cynical outlook now towards different types of relationships and what makes others happy. But you need to stop projecting and get some therapy.

So I should have kids just in case he changes his mind, even if I haven’t changed mine and he so far hasn’t changed his?! What a brilliant idea!

He is 55 this year anyway, with zero interest in being a dad, but I’m sure you know best…🙄

Hold on..a victim of abuse is highly unlikely to publically belittle his abusive wife at a wedding. It is not what abused victims do. They aren’t going to go round upsetting the person who’s abusing them, or giving *them any ground to be angry,

i think you’re catastrophising something,that unfortunately happens way too much with silly blokes trying to impress their mates.

I went to a wedding a few years ago, lovely young couple very much in love.

Strangely, the groom's very long, boring speach was all about his fantastic mates, what great times they'd had, and countless brilliant holidays, all spoken of in great detail. Even stranger was that I was the only one who noticed that he hadn't mentioned his bride at all, who to be fair didn't appear bothered either.

They're still happily married with a couple of kids as well now.

To be honest I would find someone gushing about lurve more cringy than a couple of jokes. As long as the bride was fine with it, it is their relationship and she chose to marry him.

Leaving early and using that as the reason is just weird............

I sure wish everyone would stop justifying themselves to that vile @El12 poster. They are full of shite and deliberately winding you all up. Either a troll or someone who has been strung along and abandoned and for some reason feels better about that if they insist that everyone else's relationships are crap too.

This is an insane take. There is nothing to suggest he's being abused whatsoever; on the contrary, it would be sensible to wonder about his bride given his public humiliation of her. So unless you're suggesting we all just randomly "speak quietly" to all our friends and family at intervals to quiz them on whether they're being abused, this makes no sense.

Oh, he’s a “lad” is he?

The kind of man I can’t stand and deliberately didn’t marry (I call them WKD men!)
I went for one who made it clear he loved me, was comfortable in displaying his love for me and who I knew would be a family man choosing spending time with me & his children rather than going down the pub and playing football all weekend.

He’s clearly a douche but she knows that and has married him anyway 🤷‍♀️

Umm you can sometimes judge the length of a marriage by the wedding. I would feel very pissed off of that was me.

No one is forced to marry me, I would choose.

Three hideous weddings spring into my mind

1. The brides father was an estate agent. He put a SOLD sign around her neck during his speech and referred to her presumed virginity as ' all original features in tact....I hope" The front tables were all his estate agent friends and solicitors. They laughed their heads off.
2. Friend remarried. Her groom mentioned how nice his stepdaughter's breasts were during the speech. She was 14 at the time.
3. Groom didn't want to get married and didn't engage with anything. His 2 jobs were to hire suits for him and best man. Left it until day before. He didn't want a honeymoon so organised a group weekend away with bride and several friends as their honeymoon so he didn't have to spend time alone with her. Stood up to make a speech, laughed, said he'd lost it and sat down again. Someone on our table asked whether they'd be having a family. One of his female friends said " She doesn't need to have any children, she's married one"

Getting married to only have a baby sounds odd to me. I get the whole protection thing but a lot of couples marry have children and don't own anything. How does getting married benefit those couples who have nothing. Your cousin's son could have an accident or a stroke tomorrow and he can't work and she becomes his carer. Marriage is not something you play with to only have children it's deeper than that. She is also becoming his carer and his her carer if they were to become ill.

Nasty.

She had probably been conditioned to expect nothing more during her own childhood. Sad you haven't got any empathy. If you don't understand then it says more about you than about the bride.

Humour has its place at a wedding. Not sick jokes though.

I went to a wedding where the bride's father spent 40 minutes telling the story of "TheTaming of the Shrew". He was basically calling his daughter a shrew. The speech took extra time, because if had to be translated for the half the guests, who didn't speak his language. I don't know if he thought he was being funny, but no one was laughing.

This. He’s an absolute twat and his speech was unforgivable. PP had it bang on the mark when she said he used his speech to play to his mates, not his bride. Absolute twat.

i went to a wedding where the groom was actually booed as he opened his speeech by saying he had only fallen in love at first sight once ( and it wasn’t with his bride). But at least he went on to say he had a deeper connection with his bride, even if the intro was misjudged.