To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

Take them with a pinch of salt !

Christ stop over thinking it, he’s an arse who thought he was being funny. Just your average dickhead.

Sound like a case of bad nerves.

Because he made a misogynistic speech, you want to make him a victim?! There is absolutely nothing to imply he is being abused for god sake, if he was, he wouldn’t be embarrassing his wife publicly, for fear of the backlash later.

My cousins grooms speach was so grim I had to take one of my kids out as I was cringing so much. All about their sex life and her wiping his arse when he had been ill. I'm sure some people loved it but not for me.

Bils brother also gave a horrific speech at sisters wedding. He turned out to be a right horrifically repulsive perv so no wonder Benny Hill humour appealed to him. Like kids finding poo and bum jokes hilarious. Sign of their intelligence and maturity.

However thank god cousin has got much better since kids. He actually has done amazing speeches since god live him.

Of course he will have a Shakespeare sonnet for the right person, he does not see her as worthy of a sonnet. Same goes for people who 'will never marry' - the moment they meet the right person, they will. Or the ones 'let us live for each other, children are a scourge' - as soon as they really fall in love, they will want to have children with that person.

Goodness talk about over thinking and over investing, to move to psycho analyzing this man based on a few lines is so off.

I've been to two weddings where the speeches made me cringe. In one the groom referenced the fact that they had split up before the wedding, but got back together and carried on with the wedding plans. The other one the groom apologised in front of everyone for cheating on the bride. Both are now divorced.

I’ve never seen someone project quite as much as you do.

Clearly you wanted marriages and kids with someone who didn’t want you, they’ve moved on with someone else and you’re stuck with this anger. Get therapy and move on.

Stalking! What

Oh dear....I don't think that marriage will last long. Trouble is, once all the preparations are under way and everything is organised, it can be difficult to say, 'Sorry, I don't want to go through with this'.

I speak from experience!

Could be dry humour. Maybe you didn't get it? In any case, no one really knows what a couple is like when they are by themselves. My job has taken me to many weddings and I have seen all sorts.

Really? Ive been married for 15 years, still madly in love. We married when we were both 20 and never wanted kids. Are you saying we aren't and never have been really in love?

‘ be grateful to her for keeping him out of the dating pool.‘

Not necessarily, unfortunately.

I think speeches say a lot about a person. They can come across quite toxic. It seems he wanted to impress his friends more than his bride. My dad’s speech was short and he was uncomfortable doing it. But I felt he tried to laugh at me rather than with me. I didn’t find it funny. Plus we had a difficult relationship. In hindsight I wouldn’t have bothered with speeches. They seem more for laughs than love.

What a stupid post. My partner is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, but I still don’t want to get married or have kids. Making huge sweeping generalisations is really lazy thinking. Some women, and some men for that matter, just don’t want children, I’m sorry you find something simple, so difficult to understand.

Most people are just not good at making speeches, he probably thought it was funny.

The last wedding I went to the best man clearly thought he was hilarious but he came across as very nervous and most of the ‘jokes’ fell flat. We still have him a good round of applause because it’s hard to stand up in front of a room full of people.

The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back.

As they say, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

She needs to get out of that but I wouldn't worry, he'll probably do it for her.

What an arsehole.

My BIL made an appalling best man’s speech at our wedding. I found his printout of it when clearing the house during the divorce, and got upset all over again. I hadn’t realized or had blotted out how rude and horrific it actually was. He insulted me, my family, where I am from. So so grim.

Poor bride, how sad and humiliating for her.

I don't think I've ever heard a bad groom's speech - they are usually safe and bland. Have witnessed some shit best men's speeches though these weren't directly insulting to the bride but went on and on about tedious drinking exploits.

I'm sadly in the company of some of the other posters who's dad made a disparaging speech about them. Mine started off OK with a funny story from when I was little and I thought this will be ok. But it quickly morphed into thanking my husband for "taking me on" (I'd not lived with or been supported by my parents for years by this point) followed by things like "good luck to him, that's not an easy task". There was just no need for it. I wasn't expecting him to sing my praises (that would never happen!) but congratulations to you both on this happy day wouldn't have pained him too much!

My cousin got married less than a year later and her dad made such a lovely speech, pitched just right and not too long. It made me feel really emotional. I was happy for her but it also made me think I must be such a horrible person that even my own dad couldn't find a single nice thing to say about me on my wedding day.

I'm still married 24 years later so my poor husband didn't find taking me on too awful after all.

I used to work in wedding world and once stood at speeches where the groom’s speech was 25 minutes of him talking about his squaddie mates, how tight they all were as mates, how much he loved them and would “take a bullet” for them …. He didn’t mention his new wife once.

This made me laugh too! I think it's quite a stretch!!

Having been to many weddings in the 1950s that is nothing like the 1950s I knew. For a start it would be unlikely that they'd have been living together for 12 years. You got married when you were young and in love. The ball and chain stuff started a few years down the line.

She has said she wants to be married before getting pregnant

That's fair enough - many feel exactly the same - but hopefully she'll think again before actually bringing children into this ugly mess

Unless of course she wants to be the butt of more "jokes" about forcing him into fatherhood ...

He sounds jaded after a few hours of marriage. God knows how miserable he’s going to be from now on. How embarrassing to drag all of the guests into it by making such a miserable wedding speech.

This sort of thing only works when everyone in the room knows the groom has married a woman he’s besotted with - all the guests know that he’s joking about having his arm twisted into marrying her. A bit like a guy looking dreamily at his lovely, clever, funny wife and saying, “She’s clearly incredibly grateful that I agreed to marry her.”

When the room is silent, strained and uncomfortable, it shows that everyone is concerned that he really is doing this half-willingly.