To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

This is a good reason to stop all these silly speeches at weddings. I hate them they are either too soppy for words or like this guy who thinks he's amusing but isn't. Maybe just have one person do a speech and the toasts. The speech should be vetted by the bride and groom before hand. It would also take a lot of pressure off the groom best man and father of the bride. This guy made a misjudgement I am sure his wife will make him pay!

The poor bride! How must she be feeling?

We were once a bit open-mouthed at a best man’s speech (incidentally far too long anyway*) - he was supposed to be a close friend of the groom, but from what he said we were all left wondering whether he actually liked him!

Maybe it was intended to be funny, but it certainly didn’t come across like that.
Decidedly embarrassing.

*as my DF used to say re wedding speeches, Stand up, Speak up, Shut up!
IMO there should be a law - 10 minutes max

I've seen this sort of banter at weddings and I hate it. Is it an English thing? In Eastern Europe we don't do jokes like this especially at your wedding! I see loads of Englishmen AND women do these jokes and I find it stupid.

Are they still together?

Yes this happened to me. I have a great career in a top profession and I have achieved a lot, with great friends and finding a truly wonderful man to spend my life with - at my wedding my father thought it would be hilarious to invent a criminal past for me for laughs. He didn’t mention that he loved me or was proud of me at all - he didn’t ask my groom to see to my happiness - the whole thing was for cheap laughs but he was often the only one laughing. He didn’t dance with me at my wedding either. I learned a lot about my father that night and have quietly never forgiven him.

Wow. I am palpably cringing. For him. Was it at least apparent that the whole criminal tale was a 'joke'? What was he thinking?!

My eldest 2 dds decided they couldn't risk their df give a speech at their weddings- he was bad enough at parent's evenings so decided to have a 'sister of the bride' speech instead!

When you have invested 12 years into a relationship it's tempting to just marry even though things are not particularly loving- it's a shame because getting married never solves this problem. I suspect a divorce a couple of years down the pike-she should definitely not consider having children with him, unless he really bucks his ideas up. You would be better off with an arranged marriage , at least love could grow, but after 12 years together that's not going to happen.

Never ever understand why (mainly) blokes make speeches or any other sort of reference to being forced into marrying someone and how much they dont want to get married. Then fucking don't. It's not even funny, just rude and disrespectful.

It is difficult to gauge whether the groom was trying to be funny and didn’t hit the mark, in terms of setting the tone, or whether as a football - loving, ‘lad’, he was trying to show his alpha-male, bravado in front of his mates. Perhaps he may genuinely feel like he’s just relented and agreed to marriage, begrudgingly. Given that they’ve been together for 12 years, it may well be the latter unless they’re very young, or were teenagers when they got together.

I would check in on the bride, in a very gentle and open ‘I’m here’ sort of way. I’d be worried about her wellbeing and safety.

Putting the very best complexion on it it was in extraordinarily bad taste.
It gets worse from there.
Some people are just plain awful.

Ugh 12 years!!

super douche that this was done. But like he said, they know what they are getting into. Sounds like there should’ve been a dumping done long ago, or instead of the marriage.

a little ‘hey, that speech still bothers me. Please know the whole family will support you in a divorce just as much as marriage. Don’t feel trapped’ might go a a long way for her.

I went to a wedding 5 years ago where the groom really let loose on his tightarse behaviour. The wedding was on a Wednesday and there was limited food (we were allowed one piece of meat from the bbq and two wedges only!) - his speech was all about thanking us for coming, he’d banked on lots not turning up on a Wednesday to keep costs down. How the bride only had a certain budget for dress and shoes etc. Then thanked the bridesmaids for buying all their own stuff. It wasn’t as viscerally unpleasant as the scene you describe but it was very bizarre and not a word about loving his bride!

@SweetAmber they lasted 5 years which was a lot longer than anyone expected.

Me and my husband had been together 12 years when we married. We were childhood sweethearts and we’ve known each other since I was 13 and him 15. His speech was lovely and I’d have been heartbroken had he said anything like you’ve described! We have banter, a good sense of humour but there is a time and a place?! I would have been mortified, the one opportunity he had to say something about her in front of all of our family and friends, he chose to be dismissive and disrespectful!

I’m mortified on her behalf. How humiliating. Poor girl Xx

This is why my father had NO speaking part in my wedding. He still brings it up how he was excluded. ..

I hate these speeches - I cringe throughout, even nice, funny and heartfelt ones.
The father of the bride speech I liked best was :
'I'm sure you will all agree it's been a lovely day, the bride is lovely and the bridesmaids are lovely. Thank you for coming.'
Short and sweet!

I really think as a society we are moving away from the whole ‘ball and chain’ jokes. It’s not funny and as part of the younger generation it’s so weird and awkward when older friends and relations make these jokes.
on our first anniversary I was asked how the parole meeting went by a relative. I was so confused what they were on about and then it was revealed it was a joke about you get less ‘time’ for murder than marriage. Ha ha ha, not.
it wasn’t funny and I was just left feeling perplexed.
I’ve even been asked if we’ve had ‘our first domestic’ wtf!!!!
I love my husband to the moon and back, he loves me the same and we have a very happy relationship free from seemingly all this ball and chain drama and nonsense.
older generations- stop joking about serious issues of domestic violence or feeling trapped or imprisoned by marriage or relationships.
if you have concerns that these things are going on seek help or help that person seek help and leave the relationship!

Sounds like he was trying to be funny, & failed! he obviously didn't read the room properly, after the first 'joke' had his footie friends laughing, decided to carry on not thinking of his wife or her family. Hopefully it was all said tongue in cheek & it's not how he really felt.