To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

I attended the son of a colleague’s wedding, his brother was best man. The best man’s speech started well and elicited a few chuckles, but finished with the most vulgar and explicit sexual joke which left the room in stunned silence. Both families were so angry and upset, it ruined the whole day which finished with the two brothers (groom and best man) having a punch up in the gents.
Absolutely horrible for everyone.

What did you learn?? I am mystified as to what/who it could even refer to

@GenXtricks moderately in love 😳

This is really sad

@EI12 If he wanted her, he would have proposed after 1 month.

🤨🤣 I can assure you, no man worth marrying offers to spend the rest of his life with somebody, commits to them forevermore, after knowing them for 2 bin collections! Ffs

She's wasted twelve years on this jerk?

When my cousin was the groom, he practically wrote the 2 best men's speech himself (a large part of the speech was either reading out the email he sent them when asking them to be his best men, or a list of things he'd specifically asked them to exclude - the list got read out as part of the speech.) About the only bits he didn't write himself were the digs at Best Man #3 for making a mess of arranging the accommodation for the stag party.

I went to a wedding once and the father of the grooms speech was shocking.

I can't remember it all but it started off by saying how he should treat marriage like a football game. Take her from behind... ( really can't remember the rest as I was just so shocked).

We all just sat there in total silence, it was awful .

At my cousin’s wedding, the best man gave a speech about what a terrible life the groom had had, since meeting my cousin.
At another, male cousin’s wedding, the bride was Asian. During the best man’s speech, he made a clanger about the p*ki shop up the road. It was met with silence but no one complained or mentioned it.

I hope the cousin at the second wedding asked him to leave? There is no way on this earth he would have been able to be at my family's wedding (half sister is married to a Pakistani Muslim) and still be walking. I feel very sorry for your cousins wife if your family & friends didn't intervene and at least kick him out after the speeches.

Was he forced into it? Maybe he was and this was his dig. Not nice, for the bride or anyone else

You win!

My father did this. He did it at my 18th birthday party, then again at my wedding. My then new husband (I'm divorced now) mostly talked about his school days and friends.

Realising that has made me sad that at the one time someone could stand up and say something nice about me, they didn't.

I would’ve taken it as a joke. They’ve been together for 12 years, it’s probably how their relationship is.

Just remembered another one when my ex colleagues niece got married who also worked with us at the time.

The groom's best man made reference to the groom sleeping with the made of honour on a lads holiday, the MOH was there on another friend's hen do. The bride had no idea this had happened (the bride and groom were together at the time but she was at home in the UK after just having their baby) the best man made reference to the groom being a lover of toilets as he would drink too much on nights out then put photos of him up on the screen of him looking worse for wear. People were laughing and we thought ok slightly odd humour but it's just the way his mates are. He then mentioned one 'special' time in the toilets of the grooms antics and put up a picture of him coming out of a cubicle with his trousers around his ankles (which is when he cheated on the colleagues niece) the best man had heard him in the toilets shagging away and decided to film it, the video wasn't shown to guests just that picture.

The groomsmens reaction and the face of the MOH gave it away and people knew something wasn't right. It became VERY awkward. The best man was interrupted by another groomsmen and the speeches were moved on. The brides sister put two and two together and got it out of the other groomsmen that knew during the set up for the evening part. The bride spent most of that time in the toilets crying, there was a punch up with the brides brothers and the best man/groom.

We left at that point as could sense the atmosphere turning nasty and a few minutes after we left two police cars went whizzing by down the lane, we knew they were on their way to the venue as that's all that was down the end of it. They split up a few months after the wedding.

I just don't get why someone would do that and reference the 'what goes on tour stays on tour' and then it doesn't. Truly awful situation all round but luckily she got to found out what he was truly like (he used to come in the office to pick her up and flirt with other staff), the best man and groom to this day from what I heard still thinks they did nothing wrong as he was 'drunk'.

Ah no it was about a decade before that!

His speech did seem rather cold and loveless, but maybe he thought he was being 'cool and funny' - I bet he got flack from his bride later for that!

I was at a close relative's 40th wedding anniversary party recently, and the bride gave a really odd and dour speech about 'marriage not being all hearts and flowers (to that effect, can't remember exact words) but lots of hard work'.

We all waited for the counter remarks about how perhaps it was a good marriage, fulfilling perhaps etc, but nothing came, just a brief kiss with her husband and a toast to their marriage. During the course of the speech I even thought she was building up to announce they were separating - that's how depressing it was! But I guess they must have a relatively happy marriage to have lasted that long 😁

My ex husband said in his grooms speech that he hoped everyone appreciated the huge amount of time and money that had gone in to making me look so nice for the wedding!
He then went on to talk extensively about how happy he was to have his life long best friend as his best man. Best man and I did not get on, he usually ignored me as he disliked me so much.
No other mention for me. I was really sad but felt I had to just carry on.

I sadly, can't remember exactly all the speeches of my husband, groom and Dad 23 years ago, but I know I was complimented on my appearance by all of them that day and none of them were derogatory to either myself, family or anyone else, or I would have remembered I'm sure. Actually, I remember on impulse getting up myself to say a few words (egged on by my friends) and can remember giving thanks to everyone for coming and expressing how happy and proud I was that day - I was swept away with the love and warmth in the room 😍- that's how a bride AND groom should feel on their wedding day

When I was newly married my husband entered a competition to win 100 acres on the moon. Apparently he wanted it to get away from me which the judges thought was hilarious and he won. He makes lots of stupid jokes sometimes but I know he loves me deeply and 25 years later we're still married.

It's probably his sense of humour and his way of saying he couldn't live without her. Well...at least let's hope so!

I remember the wedding of a colleague, I hardly knew her but it was local and being held at a beautiful country estate. She was a real go getter, very ambitious, the groom very quiet and wealthy, family money.
The bride looked absolutely beautiful and happy until her father got up and did what I expect he thought was a lovely speech about how proud he was of her as she had failed all her school exams, had spent many years as an office cleaner or on benefits, how she had imaginatively re done her cv to get her current job and found a wealthy man to support her, how proud he was she earned enough to pay for all of this as he would never have paid for such a lavish wedding and free booze, all while her mum who was rat arsed heckled him, I remember her drunkenly shouting she hoped the groom knew what a clitoris was as he looked like a virgin.
It was hideous everyone just sat there in silence, the grooms parents walked out. That was 30 years ago and I still cringe at the memory. She had completely fabricated her background and education [no wonder], our boss was also at the reception, she didn't return to work. I felt so sad for her that her parents were so unaware and dim that they sabotaged her whole day without realizing.

@binkie163 that's awful. Imagine how stressed that girl was.

@Dygger your posts about bride and groom are quite specific and could be outing, be careful. The bride or someone belong to her could read it.

I went to a wedding where the father of the bride spent ten minutes and almost the whole speech detailing how much the lavish venue, cars etc had cost and how rich he was. It was mortifying. I genuinely thought it was a joke until it went on for so long. The groom was our friend and we didn't know the bride well so we were horrified at what our friend had got into, but the good news is that many years later it turns out the bride and the rest of her family are lovely people and the marriage has been great. Still remember how awkward it was though!

Ugh, awful.

I’ve seen these type of weddings on social media only - thank goodnes.

They make me so sad and mad at the same time.

Poor bride.

These are not the actions of someone who is being abused.he’s playing to the gallery (his mates) at the expense of his wife. I’d be much more concerned about her.

What a disgusting comment.

I've never agreed with women claiming more than her FAIR share.

Have some self respect and earn your own money.