To find this H comment annoying

[Ginge88]

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

OP you have a vested interest in separating before he quits his job and presents himself as the ‘main carer’ of your children or tries to request maintenance because he ‘can’t work due to stress’. It feels like he knows his gig is up and is setting a favourable scene.

Rant away, that’s what a bunch of random strangers on the internet are for!

I’m so sorry you’re still stuck in this awful situation. Don’t let him guilt trip you. Could you just file for divorce now? Just serve him with the papers and refuse to discuss it. He’s going to drag it out for as long as possible, you’re going to have to be forceful.

And to be honest, it’s hardly surprising his colleagues don’t like him. Horrible people aren’t just horrible in one area of their life and lovely everywhere else. They might wear a mask a lot of the time, but people do see through it eventually if they spend enough time with them.

Gently, why on earth are you still there?

Good point. Well made.

This was my first thought too. Good luck Op

I agree! He's such a manipulative arsehole, that it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he did this OP. So I honestly think it's time for you to put an end to this charade. Did you stop the counselling, and if so, how did he react to that?

Where else do you expect her to go? She has to keep a roof over her children’s heads. That’s not something most people can fund as an extra on top of paying for the actual family home that they all live in. She can’t leave the kids in his sole care. And if she moves out she jeopardises her claim on the actual house. She needs to force him out, or at least force a sale to split the money.

I'm not surprised that his colleagues don't like him. He is a deeply unlikeable man. No matter how he is behaving, whether he is cockily insulting you to your children, whether he is breaking down in tears or behaving like teacher's pet to your awful therapist, it is all performative and attention seeking. He never gives you a moment's peace.

I've read about some terrible men on Mumsnet over the years, but he is up there with the worst of the worst. That terrible combination of cockiness and glee when he mocks you and puts you down in tandem with his utterly soul destroying neediness and sheer inadequacy make him unbearable to live with. He hates you but he knows that he would be absolutely nothing without you.

Did you go to a solicitor? What did they say?

He’s just ramping up the emotional manipulation. It’s a very clever tactic to make you feel sorry for him, nothing more. This is no different to him crying and screaming back in January, telling you how exhausted he was.

So fucking what?! You are not responsible for his emotional wellbeing @Ginge88. I know you’ve spent years smoothing the way but it’s time to focus on the needs of you and your sons now. Don’t follow in the path of your mother, pandering to a man who only thinks of himself. He’ll be fine after the split, despite all his hysterical behaviour now.

You saved enough money for a solicitor. Have you made an appointment yet? Juggling work pressures and everything else can wait. This really has to be your top priority.

This would really annoy me.

Honestly OP please realise this is a possibility.
Please move on getting you and the boys away.
It is highly likely his colleagues see him for the nasty prick he is.
I know its hard but you really do not want to be kicking yourself that you didn't move on this when you had the chance.

Your marriage is over.
Nothing to be gained for your children by dragging it out.

We are here for you.

Where are you up to with your solicitor lovely? Are you ready to start proceedings?

It is little understood but people like your husband, ginge, will absolutely destroy everything including themselves in order to keep control over their families or rather over their wives.

Such men are dangerous—dangerous to you and to themselves and again to you and the children.

They can collapse and drink and drug themselves into incompetence in order to activate your pity and prevent you leaving. And they can lurch into a destructive rage and annihilate the family.

Get out as fast as you can. Even if you have to go into debt to do it. Please don’t think you can lie flat enough for this man. He is very unstable and very, very, dangerous.

@pikkumyy77 consistently speaks wisdom on such matters.

The men who will kill their entire families and themselves, just to maintain control of their wives.

I'm not suggesting this, but I do believe that he is capable of claiming primary carer.

It's basically bullying, and he's being a total arse 😀

Sorry just realised after I posted that the thread has some history. Wishing you happiness @Ginge88 ... Hope you get sorted.

I meant in the relationship. I’ve been with this OP on the thread since the start.

Don’t take his moods, his muttering etc as genuine. Guys like him spend their lives acting to achieve the result they want and he wants to guilt trip you into staying(edited typo), he wants control and if he thinks he’s won, he will then punish you.

For your sake and the sake of your children, get out. Don’t let him stay in your head. Don’t think of him as a human being..keep your empathy for your children. And yourself.
He does not merit it. Your empathy will trap you and he’s counting on your humanity to believe his act…admittedly, if he does lose you it won’t be entirely an act. There is anger, hatred and contempt. Not love

You have to believe that.
You married a monster so please try to get it together and free yourself for your children. He will turn them against you as they get older…that alone should drive you. He is dangerous. You should be using Women’s Aid and the police.
coercive control is now illegal and you can use this to get help.

IIRC she mentioned an AirBnb for one thing,

Which would mean leaving him in sole possession of the house. Also she can’t afford air bnb indefinitely.

Which is why she needs to get to court and sort it out. When he’s shouting and intimidating, call the police. Get him on record as abusive and start divorce proceedings.

Oof, sorry OP. You’re dealing with a 24/7 toddler tantrum in a man’s body. This is such a hard mountain to climb.

Absolutely she should. But she shouldn’t leave the house and risk reducing her claim to it unless she has not choice because she’s in danger.

She needs a lawyer and to notify the police and Women’s Aid she is a victim of domestic abuse. Leaving the house does not take away her rights to the house in a Domestic abuse situation and just to prove it, I found this. The law recognises the potential danger

‘Be assured that, if you are a victim of abuse, there are legal means of protecting you. One immediate remedy to consider is getting an injunction to stop the abuser contacting the victim or forcing them to leave the house. However, if this feels too much as a first step, be clear that leaving the home does not mean losing rights of ownership. Importantly, children’s needs are never determined based on who remains living in the house. It can of course be more complex, and, to avoid the possible charge of abandonment if moving out, you may need to communicate with your abusive spouse which is where we can help to clarify and protect your rights. However, if you feel you or your children are in danger, don’t think twice about contacting the police and contact your local domestic abuse charity to, literally, seek refuge. The law will protect you.’