To find this H comment annoying

[Ginge88]

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

My partner and I take the piss out of each other all the time, but in an affectionate way that we both laugh at. What you're describing just isn't like that, is it? It's just sneering and nasty. It's not an affectionate joke at all.

Also, even if it was a joke, nobody needs to hear the same shit joke over and over again. Your husband sounds incredibly tedious and annoying.

Yeah I’d take the joke out of it. Certainly don’t do it after sex, as funny as that idea is, because you shouldn’t be having sex with someone who doesn’t respect you.

You’ve told him you don’t like it, short of leaving him, all you can do is a scathing put down each time he says it.

“don’t you ever get bored of saying that same line? I’m certainly bored of hearing it” or something.

You are right.
My husband and I don't even take that much piss out of each other.
He is significantly older and more I read about these twats, more grateful I am for the way he is.

The other annoying thing is he starts things by saying "you need to listen to your husband more" or "what you need to do is etc". He doesn't like it when I say "if you know what you're doing, why don't you do it then". Gets in a huff saying I'm sensitive and making unnecessary conflict. I guess I am the one who starts conflict maybe but I'm sticking up foe myself! He doesn't see it like that though.

He's v loving and hands on with kids. But the small "jokes" and lectures are doing my head in. Especially when it's me who has a handle on everything and has the high pressure job and does all life admin and bills!

He's a childish twat. When you say "it's him that needs reminders of everything" would there be negative consequences for him if you stopped issuing these reminders, if so I'd be very tempted to let it happen.

Yeah just kick him square in the gentlemen’s department every time he says it, obviously tell him it was just a joke! But anyway if he loves you, he should want to stop doing something you hate, tell him he has maybe 5 chances to stop or your through, count down each time, 4,3,2,1, then start to leave him, as if he hasn’t stopped something that’s hurtful, he doesn’t care, and leaving is not a ‘joke’.

I got comments like that way back at the beginning of our relationship. It didn't last long. I challenged it straight away.

Taking your example OP:

H: And there's the 355th way fanny has fucked up today...
F: What do you mean?
H: You left the milk out
F: I fucked up by leaving the milk out?
H: Yes, you're always... Blah blah blah
F: So you're saying I fucked up because I left the milk out? Do you realise how stupid that sounds?
H: It's just a joke
F: Am I laughing?
H: It's just a joke, you're too sensitive
F: Nope, no joke here. I'm not fucking laughing nor are you fucking funny so I will ask you again, and I'm absolutely serious, do not say this shit to me ever again.
H: Grumble grumble sensitive, joke, blah
F: Do you understand what I've asked you to do? It's fucking annoying and I will not put up with it. Thank you, I appreciate you respecting me and my wishes.

It took a couple of times because it was like a bad habit he got into but he got it and hasn't said shit like that again.

Loving?
He sounds like a deeply unfunny, unpleasant twat.

It's because you're so capable and doing so much that he wants to bring you down. Horrible horrible behaviour from him. You've told him it's not funny and he keeps doing it, it's not an accident, it's a deliberate move to bring you down at this point.

As others have said, I think I'd be saying "and there we have the 568th time Jim has been an unkind/unsupportive/unloving/mean/disrespectful husband today".

i would just reply every time 'oh its the 356th time husband has made a stupid comment today' every single time

Is this new behaviour or has he always tended to this sort of thing?

You have a high-pressure job - does he? Who earns the most?

Sounds like he’s trying to take you down a peg or two tbh.

Your husband is an arsehole.

I discovered recently that some men are so insecure that they make a choice to constantly neg their long term partners to stop them being confident enough to leave and find someone better.

It's not a joke if he's the only one who's finding it funny. I'd tell him he stops immediately or leaves. I know some on Mumsnet find LTB offered as a solution far too often but in this instance you have told him to stop and he has ignored you. Are you meant to put up with this forever?

It's only a joke if everyone is laughing. Prick.

He sounds vile.

If you had an adult daughter with a partner talking to her like this, how would you feel OP?

God, there seems to be a never ending supply of stupid, offensive husbands who cover their twattery with ‘it’s a joke’.

“And this is the 700th time you’ve been a nasty little jerk today, twat”.

He’s a cunt

Please put a stop to this before he starts on the children. If you tell a child he's stupid everyday, you end up with a child with extremely low self esteem, who will constantly fuck up because of the unstable nature of the egg shells they are forced to walk upon everyday

Does he say it in front of other people? If you have guests over or your parents come to visit will he make a similar comment. Or does he save it for the occasions when no external viewers are present? And why is that?

It’s private behaviour because he is perfectly aware that he would look like a grade A cunt in front of anyone else. So he just shows it to you.

Boosting your ego by trying to belittle someone else at every turn isn't something you do to someone you supposedly love.

However I'm curious does he come from a 'point scoring' family? i.e. when they are together if someone pronounces something wrong or has minor incident like knocking over a glass etc someone will rush to be the one to point it out all he he ha ha and issue the take down comment or try and recruit everyone else into laughing/shaming, so they look like billy big balls in front of everyone else. It's a kind of baked in shaming compulsive meaness. A weird perpetual clawing over each other to get themselves at the top of the pile? They'll call it banter......

You have to call it out, every time.

"You knew exactly what word/shop/item meant to say, so what was the purpose of taking the piss?"
"and exactly what did you get from making that comment?"
"we don't have to be mean to each other in this house to feel better about ourselves"
"you aren't winning anything by this weird nasty petty point scoring behaviour" "does it make your dick feel bigger or something when you try and take me down like that?"
"are you 12? this isn't a dick swinging banter contest with your mates down the park. Fuck off"
"I know growing up in your family you'd make yourself look big by belittling others but its not normal, its nasty, it makes you look pathetic"

I agree with saying that

Yes, respond with that! It’s really nasty of him.

First time is funny, the second time is funny if it's weeks later, third time it's eye rolling time, 4th time he's annoying as fuck, 5th time he just a plain add dick, 6th time is grounds for divorce (well obviously not divorce but you see my point)

Two sides to this coin...

Side 1 - he's a twat, and belittles you
Side 2 - you're making mistakes regularly... and if they're the same mistakes, (and even if they're not), I'd be looking into why these are happening. Over the past week, I can't think of anything my partner has 'messed up', so if milk is being left out, or say, you're not flushing the toilet, or not locking the house, the problem is more 'you', with a side of him being a twat.

Obviously, he's a twat regardless. He shouldn't be saying these things

I recognise this passive aggression from a relationship I was in. He dislikes you and possibly is angry with you. My opinion based on my experience

He doesn't do it in front of other people. Though he does have a weird habit of saying stuff in front of his mum.

We were there recently and DH and I were going for a very rare 'date night' (MIL babysitting the kids) and I came downstairs having made a proper effort - and he started saying 'what is this all over your face' laughing and rubbing my cheeks wher i had put blusher 'you've got dirt all over your face' and laughing and laughing - i felt like a right tit. i told him it made me feel small and he said he didn't mean it like that.

he doesn't do it in front of other people though. only to me, and in front of my MIL - probably because he knows she will always laugh along with him.