Someone’s been in my bedroom

[Hakunamatoto]

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

Could neighbour have sent teen/tween round to feed the cat?

I came home early from work once to find my dear friend who was babysitting my son sitting on my bed all comfortable reading my diary. It upset me beyond words and i worried that maybe that wasn't the first time and she dipped in often like a novel. I didn't say anything in that moment but i did the next day her reply was "she hasn't seen anything then don't worry she wouldn't tell anyone what she read" we are no longer friends.

My first house was owned by a couple who had a small business where a lot if money changed hands in two/three locations in a day. They had locks top and bottom on the main bedroom door. Presumably because there was often cash in the house.

Always locked the door if I was away. There's a lot to rifle through in a bedroom and it's a place where money and passports are often kept notwithstanding jewellery even if there isn't much. I have had them fitted ever since.

Could the cat have been on the bed? I can always tell when my cat has been laid on my bed, it looks like someone has been sat there. Are you positive the things in the drawers have been moved around?

How awful if they definitely have
agree sounds like a key holler who is your neighbour? Is there any cameras near by that you could ask to review the footage? I am guessing you don’t? I would be checking my cameras first off as I have them all around so I could soon find out! Ask people opposite about cameras if you don’t have any

Check with your mum first. If she has been round I would imagine it is her. Does neighbour have a partner? Could it be them.

That’s awful! What is wrong with some people!

I can’t find the savernake story!

Some.

It will be your neighbour for sure.

Never ceases to amaze me how nosey people are - something similar happened to me, though it was a friend who was babysitting for me. Such a violation.

Does the neighbour have DC or grandchildren. My mum used to feed her neighbours cat. If she had one of the DGC at the time she couldn't leave them on their own. She wouldn't allow them upstairs but some kids are cheeky/nosey ask if they can go to the toilet and go for a nosey around.

Whether I said anything would depend on how absolutely certain I was. But regardless, I would definitely change the locks for my own peace of mind and not give the key to any neighbours again. And get a ring doorbell/camera.

If you trust your mum entirely then I'd ask her about it, so you can give her the new key.

@Hakunamatoto@Hakunamatoto

I don't think it was your mum as there must have been other opportunities before now to have a nose around.

It was the neighbour.

Honestly, if someone was having a sneaky rifle through your underwear drawer, they’d probably cover their tracks.

I bet you did it just before you left, and the indent could’ve been made by you, or the cat.

Ugh sorry, I don't know how/why I've tagged you!

Yes my thoughts too. It's not like the neighbour would have been approached by anybody arriving in a hurry and needed to leave it like that.

Trace & measure the shape left on the bed by the person sitting on it & check the suspects to see if any fit.

I was thinking this.

I often go to work thinking I've made my bed and then come home and I haven't, because I'm so used to doing it I get a surprise. Or I've left drawers open because I've been rifling through them last minute, especially when I'm going away.

I'm glad I didn't read that in the night!

Could it have been the cat?

@Meadowfinch I said 'some' not most.

And it's true, given opportunity some people will rifle through a drawer, read a diary etc

I'd get the locks changed.

Do you have the sort of relationship with your mum where you could ask her directly and she’d be truthful (or you could tell she was fibbing)? If so, might be better to ask her first. Would be awful if it was her and it ruined the friendship and trust with your neighbour.

Mums should, of course, respect your privacy, but as you’re her child, she might feel there’s less of a boundary and maybe it’s something innocent, like she was looking for painkillers etc. But, why would she come to your home when you’re away?

I find it hard to imagine your neighbour doing it and not covering her tracks. But I’d ask the neighbour directly too. Why not if it’s made you feel creeped out? As long as you don’t sound accusatory. Just casually something like: ‘I don’t suppose you were with the cat in the bedroom?’. So many people have cameras now, they may fess up.

Otherwise, it’s not the end of the world if nothing’s missing or damaged. But you could change the lock barrel to feel more secure. Really easy to do.

Was just coming on to say this.
Our dog never gets on the bed........
Unless we are away or he thinks we are away.
He has also on occasion moved my hairbrush and makeup bag - he is a Labrador and loves to carry things.

She didn't hear you enter the house and walk upstairs?