Someone’s been in my bedroom

[Hakunamatoto]

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

It's horrible OP but unless you're going to confront him, then I agree with just getting a lock put on and chucking the vibrator! I'd probably buy new underwear too. I once had a creepy builder in who'd rifled through my drawers and obviously seen my lingerie, sex toys and everyday underwear. I fired him and reported it, but had to chuck everything as I couldn't bear the thought of every using stuff his pervy hands (or anything else) might have touched

It would be an expensive do replacing all my underwear! I’m pretty sure that any disturbance in my knicker drawer was fairly minimal (the advantage of my neatness obsession!). I’m not really thinking of needing to replace any. And I can’t see that any are missing although (perhaps surprisingly…) I didn’t catalogue them!

The vibrator barely got used anyway so maybe this’ll be an excuse to upgrade, ha!

if it was him, what a disgusting perv.

Sorry if this has been suggested, I haven’t read all the replies.

Dont put a lock on the door but next time you’re away put a motion detected camera hidden in your bedroom so you’ll know if anyone goes in. In your private drawer, leave a note saying, ‘fuck off xx, I know you’re a creepy perv’.

@Hakunamatoto would be great if could you wrap up the now unwanted vibrator, hand it to him and ask him if this is what he was looking for? 😂

Thanks for the suggestion (and thanks to everyone for their suggestions!). I am a bit freaked out by the thought of cameras in my bedroom, even if it’s me who installed them!

And really, whilst obviously any pervy element to his probable behaviour is disgusting, the main problem is the other stuff. His wife may well have a vibrator in her bedside drawer. Plenty of people do. I don’t massively care that he knows I have one. I’d have shown him if he’d have asked, the dirty perv! But his wife won’t have my personal financial information, old photos, treasures and pictures of my family!

Unless things are far worse than I think, anyway!!

Could you ask neighbour if her DH came in, say there was a big shoe print on the floor and if it's not him then you're worried it was a burglar. She would casually say oh yes we both went over at different times or whatever.

Or go round with some flowers/something to thank her for popping over and say "Should I thank your DH too or was it just you that fed cat?"

Every cloud… 😂. Happy shopping.

How do they manage that? Loo, food, etc

How old are their children? Could a parent have taken them and they ran up the stairs?

I would be incredibly upset and hurt at this, OP. It's an appalling breach of privacy. I thought straightaway it was the guy rather than his wife as soon as you mentioned your underwear. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye - not out of shame or embarrassment but because I would hate him so much.

Thanks. Yes - I was briefly a bit embarrassed but it’s more anger now. Luckily my interaction with him is pretty minimal.

They wait until you go out. Think about it. If you are a household where everyone works outside the home then there will be a chunk of the day where everyone is out, often for a long time and at a regular time.

My landlord cocked up the annual gas inspection and told me it HAD to be done one the one day I couldn’t be there or he’d be breaking the law letting me live there. Reluctantly agreed his wife could be there for inspection. Came home to find a drawer I never used left open. No doubt she had a good look through all of them. Creepy bitch.

I’m pleased you have got to the bottom of it OP. If it makes you feel any better (didn’t make ne feel better though) l once had 2 pairs of knickers disappear from a bedside drawer in a quite expensive hotel.

I also left a waterproof vibey on the bathside when some unexpected guests came. And they used the bathroom!

I'd be amazed if the number of actual people living in someone's left in England can't be counted on the fingers of one hand

It's obviously not something that actually happens

I would quietly say to the husband "I saw you helped with the cat on the internal cameras" and then give a hard stare. His face will say it all!

I didn’t say it happened. I said that’s what the term phrogging refers to.

See the post I linked to earlier where it happened in a school in the U.K.

Well you strongly implied that it was a possibility that it could happen to people who went out to work.

I suppose if they were all deaf or the person never moved when they were in and they had a loft that only locked from the inside and the person was able to source food and essentials without ever leaving the house and never leaving the slightest clue that they were there during the day there's a tiny chance it might haopen

A suspected person in a school which according to your article was never proved isn't quite the same thing

What do they do at weekends when people are in? or when people are on annual leave from work for a week or two?

I'm sure it has happened in the past (almost every weird thing has) but its astonishingly rare and not something people should be concerned about in their daily life

Sorry if I've missed this but are you going to change the lock to the door that your neighbour has a key for?

Rather than ask for the key back as the neighbours husband could have duplicated it

Just another thought , they have children? Is there any chance it was a child that came with them?

It’s possible, which is why I’m not 100% sure it’s not the husband. But it’s pretty unlikely that of all the drawers a child would go for, it would be those ones and no others.

I would also change my locks if I were you. No guarantee that he has not made any copies of the keys

I would probably get over the intimate stuff, and maybe even photos eventually.

But the biggest concern would be that he's rifled through your financial paperwork and maybe you need to talk to your bank or whoever to see if you can change or secure your accounts or put a flag on any attempt of fraud.

So whatever paperwork he may have looked at (or taken photos of!) gets changed or is secured. Change your locks as well, he could have easily made a copy. Lock your internal doors to the bedroom if you are away from now on with the windows shut so you know the cat can't get in.

A Hard Stare at him every fucking time you bump into him and never ask them to feed the cat again.