Someone’s been in my bedroom

[Hakunamatoto]

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

Phrogging ... I had to Google it as it's another stupid word nobody understands! ... is someone living in someone home without their knowledge or permission.

If she's a good neighbour I would simply ask your neighbour if she was only person in the house to feed the cat? When she asks why, simply say that some things in your room have been moved and while it's human nature to be a bit curious, you'd rather people didn't explore.

I was suggesting a way forward for the OP to see if someone had been going through her things in the future. Plus tell others it is there as a deterrent, hence the safety comment. If you suspect someone has been in you play back the recording.

Plenty of people with dogs have similar systems for when they are out at work.

I was going to say this.
I'm guessing she sent one if the kids to do it

Wiltshire, England. Have you heard of the mysterious Skinwalker and Wendigo creatures?

Be warned, it's not the those easily frightened.

We cat-sit for one another, and I’ve fed other people’s pets in my life. I’ve never snooped. I can see a scenario where I’d perhaps go into a bedroom, if I hadn’t seen the animal and it was in there. But I’d be uncomfortable in someone else’s bedroom, and I’d never ever open a drawer! I have things in my bedside drawer that are entirely private and personal. I’d expect that to be respected and would completely respect it in other people. And if they want to know what knickers I own they can just bloody ask!

People can make copies of keys, I would change the locks or get a bedroom lock at the very least.

This happened to us. Also thought someone had broken into the house. It turned out that it was my mum who had quietly made copies of my keys phoning up relatives and telling them to come stay whenever she knew we were away. My sister accidentally let the cat out of the bag a long time later, so they were all in on it and thought it was hilarious. Before the days of ring doorbells or I would have got one then and there.

Confront your Mum. Watch tell tale signs of lies. They are always there.

If you draw a blank, its the neighbour.

Write her a note saying the arrangement is now finished.

Christ. What a way to make someone terrified!

DH has a method of marking doors.

he jams the tiniest bit of paper into the bottom of the hinge side so that he can just about see it. It falls out when the door is opened. (We had some tenants that moved out but during our clean for the next tenants we couldn’t understand things moving, disappearing etc, turns out she’d moved on and he had nowhere to live, they had another set of keys cut and he was sleeping there on the floor, having a shower and leaving early in the morning, a neighbour put us onto it).

keep your bedroom door shut and mark it, personally I think I’d get a camera instead.

I suppose the cat could’ve come in. That would explain the bed and desk (world’s cheapest dressing table!). But unless I have an extremely clever cat it wouldn’t explain the drawers.

My cats used to sleep in my drawers. If they weren’t open they’d open them themselves, cupboards too. So it wouldn’t be too unusual if yours could!

My cats have recently (at 5 years old) taken to opening drawers. However, there is a fair amount of 'cat evidence' towards things, e.g., things out of place mean pulled out and hanging over the edge, dumped on the floor, smooshed untidily so they can burrow under it, etc. They don't rifle...

Woah, WTAF!! What did you do when you found out? Are you still in contact?

Yes, the cat could have been on the bed but as you've said it doesn't explain why the drawers aren't how you left them.

Ultimately you have no proof for this time, but I'd recommend getting a Ring doorbell and some indoor cameras for next time you're away.

We have indoor cameras that we use while we're away to keep an eye on the cats.

Also, we close our bedroom door. It does mean that the cats don't get to sleep on our bed while we're away, but they've plenty of other places to sleep, so they're not too hard done by. That way there's no reason for anyone to go in there.

They have no respect for you whatsoever. I hope you went NC after that .

Does your neighbour have kids they could’ve sent over to feed the cat? If they do, I’d quietly say something like “hey I’m just wondering if you sent Timmy over to feed the cat? Some stuff has been disturbed in my bedroom so could you just have a word with him about how inappropriate that is?” Then even if it was her she can save face.

I’d ask my mum outright, but you’d know if she has form for that sort of behaviour!

Could your ex-DH have given his key to anyone or could someone have taken it without him knowing? Does he have a new (psycho!) partner or any reason to ask someone to look for information/ items in your house?

I would speak to your neighbour & mum and say you want to rule them out before you take this further. Maybe say you are sure the bed had been sat on (and not mention the drawers) to give them an easy explaination 'went upstairs to check on cat as hadn't seen it / heard a noise and went to investigate and found cat sat on the bed'

Your neighbour probably went in to find the cat, sat on the bed next to it and gave it a stroke. Ask her?!

Sorry Op - this is horrid.

I’m afraid I think your neighbour has been snooping.

😂😂😂

I suspect her DH having a snoop to see what knickers or other racy things you might own

Cats absolutely can open drawers - maybe watch for a few days and see if this happens again! Because if you bring this up with your neighbour they will never cat sit for you again (and if your neighbour suspects her husband, might lead to divorce!)

If you really think this call the police, according to a lot on here they have plenty of time on their hands recently

Does you neighbour have a teenage daughter? If so, I think there’s your culprit.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I was a young teen and feeding the neighbours cat, I did a bit of snooping. It was just boredom in the holidays. I tried on the lady’s lovely fancy dresses and jewellery and shoes! I thought I had put everything back properly but reading this now, and being all of 13, I bet I didn’t and she knew or suspected my mum. God how mortifying to think about 😳