Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone’s been in my bedroom

287 replies

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 00:13

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

OP posts:
creamofroses · 06/08/2024 02:09

If it was your mother, it probably would have happened before now - so chances are it is the neighbour. Or possibly someone connected to her who she sent over to see to the cat... Most probably her, being nosy.

Badgertime · 06/08/2024 02:10

Could your neighbour have forgotten to lock the lock after her ?

CrikeyMajikey · 06/08/2024 02:45

Were they camping in the forest? I’m camping in a forest, I’m now terrified. I can’t read it until I get home.

Nightowl1234 · 06/08/2024 04:19

Argh why did I do it. I’m up with the baby and read the savernake forest story. I won’t be going back to sleep now…

SheldonsMom · 06/08/2024 04:28

I would definitely set up a camera next time you go away, but the bed and the desk could be the cat, couldn't it? And the drawers, could it have been the kids? Or were you packing in a last minute frenzy and rummaging through drawers?

It just seems like a more palatable scenario than a neighbour deliberately snooping through your private stuff and brazenly leaving evidence 😱

velvetcoat · 06/08/2024 05:09

Occams razor applies here, the simplest explanation is that it was someone with a key- so either your mum or your neighbour. If your ex is definitely abroad then it MUST be one of them regardless of how unlikely you think it is.

I wouldnt just take keys back, I'd be changing the locks. Oh, and stop trying to find an innocent explanation- there isnt one. My guess is the neighbour. There is no "accidental" way to sit on someone's bed and go through their private stuff in their knicker drawer. This is deliberate.

Firefly1987 · 06/08/2024 05:21

Hope you find out who it is, I can't imagine how sick someone would have to be just to do that for kicks?! Is neighbour male?

I had to have my belongings riffled through by police years ago during a raid of my parents house thanks to my idiot criminal brother (who I will never forgive) and it still upsets me now. It's a really horrible feeling. I'm a very private person and it's one of the most humiliating things to have ever happened to me so I know exactly how you feel. I imagine with it being someone you know it's even worse, how dare they do that. It's odd they would make it so obvious, are you sure you haven't been burgled?

NewMe2024 · 06/08/2024 05:31

velvetcoat · 06/08/2024 05:09

Occams razor applies here, the simplest explanation is that it was someone with a key- so either your mum or your neighbour. If your ex is definitely abroad then it MUST be one of them regardless of how unlikely you think it is.

I wouldnt just take keys back, I'd be changing the locks. Oh, and stop trying to find an innocent explanation- there isnt one. My guess is the neighbour. There is no "accidental" way to sit on someone's bed and go through their private stuff in their knicker drawer. This is deliberate.

Edited

Agreed. And if your mum has always had a key it’s more likely to be your neighbour, unless there’s some way your cat could get in the drawer.

allbymysel · 06/08/2024 05:36

I'd assume the neighbour had a nosy. Some people are like that. I would be upset too. You have two options , ask them or let it drop.

EI12 · 06/08/2024 05:53

I highly recommend 'The Unknown Visitor' by Francoise Sagan, sheds light.

missdeamenor · 06/08/2024 06:00

This kind of behaviour is more common than we think. I would tell her that a camera was in the bedroom and you are still shocked by what you saw. Don't say any more, just let her sweat.

Zanatdy · 06/08/2024 06:03

I’d suspect it’s your neighbour, some people think they will have a cheeky look around other people’s houses when pet sitting. Don’t ask her again.

Airtentmamma23 · 06/08/2024 06:03

Probably neighbour. Weird question, is your house nicer and they might have had a party or have teenagers that got hold of the key (they might not have thought about checking your room wasn't touched). I just think if your neighbour did look in your drawers, they'd be more careful to shut them? Sounds more like kids?

Sure you didn't rush upstairs for a pair of socks for the plane and to grab a travel plug or something and it was you (I've done this and given myself a shock).

blackcatsarethebestcats · 06/08/2024 06:05

loropianalover · 06/08/2024 00:25

Double check that your mums not been round (does it sound like something she’d do?), then text neighbour thanks so much for feeding the cat and add ‘by the way what happened upstairs?!’ No context, no explanation. They’ll reply ‘what do you mean?’. Don’t reply, let them sweat over it. They’ll confess or they’ll avoid you, either way it gives you an answer. I’d bet money it was the neighbour, highly unlikely to be an intruder or something more nefarious.

Do this!

OutOfChargeNow · 06/08/2024 06:07

I would conceived getting the locks changed and a new key in case the neighbour made a copy…

PortiasBiscuit · 06/08/2024 06:10

The neighbour has had a nosy. You cannot prove anything and they will deny everything.
Just don’t give them the key again.

GRex · 06/08/2024 06:14

I would assume it's the neighbour, change the locks and get a new cat sitter in future. I wouldn't run around accusing anyone as it's impossible to prove, and I wouldn't overly stress either. Yes it isn't nice, but it's just stuff that's been touched, no drama.

Delphiniumandlupins · 06/08/2024 06:14

This must feel horrible. Is it possible you or DC were grabbing things last minute to pack and the drawers weren't left quite as you remember? Cat getting into places they don't normally? (When my neighbour left me to cat sit I often had to chase them out of bedrooms they were meant to be excluded from.)

LiterallyOnFire · 06/08/2024 06:16

EI12 · 06/08/2024 05:53

I highly recommend 'The Unknown Visitor' by Francoise Sagan, sheds light.

You think OP is going to pause to buy and read a book? With no idea what in it?

Westfacing · 06/08/2024 06:25

Sure you didn't rush upstairs for a pair of socks for the plane and to grab a travel plug or something and it was you (I've done this and given myself a shock).

I was thinking along these lines - surely a sneaky neighbour would straighten the bed.

A previous next door neighbour once asked if I'd keep her spare keys as she'd once locked herself out and couldn't get hold of her son who usually had them. I declined on the grounds that I'm often away, but really I didn't want the responsibility and also what if she thought as the OP did that someone had been in her bedroom.

My best friend of 40 years and I have each other's keys and I occasionally need to water her plants if she's away - I always feel very strange being in her place when she's not there.

PollyPeachum · 06/08/2024 06:54

I would not challenge on this (slim) evidence. I might ask neighbour if she had seen Mum.

Meadowfinch · 06/08/2024 07:04

allbymysel · 06/08/2024 05:36

I'd assume the neighbour had a nosy. Some people are like that. I would be upset too. You have two options , ask them or let it drop.

@allbymysel 'Most people are like that.'

What a horrible thought.

Cheeesus · 06/08/2024 07:05

I’d really want to know which one of them it was. I don’t know how you find out though. There’s no guarantee they’d do it again.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/08/2024 07:11

Change the locks.

SummerTimeIsTheBest · 06/08/2024 07:13

I saw on Reddit that someone rigged up a camera to find that their sister had been going into their bedroom to use their vibrator.