17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

[Joanfromnextdoor]

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

I don't think it's for you to overrule the decision the Op and her family, including her daughter have come to regarding the holiday.

@Starlingexpress she didn’t feel comfortable seeing the extended family and she is not going to see anyone apart from my parents so we reached a compromise. For the holiday in Normandy, I told her it was going to do her good and a change of scenery which she needs - she doesn’t need more time stuck in her bedroom doing nothing. It’s not healthy.

@Joanfromnextdoor Good to hear that the GP was so helpful. Did you mention traveling or ask whether it would be a good idea?

It doesn’t sound as if your DD could cope with a holiday or Reading festival until she’s had some help.

Armchair diagnosis.

The op has taken her daughter to the GP and is now going to book her in with a private psychiatrist. She quite obviously cares.

It’s a change of scenery for a week, fresh air, nice food, her parents who adore her and her big sister.

I have acted as soon as she admitted how she felt - 7.30 this morning called the gp and saw him fast.

When my 17 year-old refused to come away with us, I made arrangements for him to stay at one of his buddies. I wasn't missing the time away or wanting to deal with a stroppy teen.

What a vicious, nasty comment. You should be ashamed of yourself for that little outburst!!

It’s a change of scenery for all of us !

@Joanfromnextdoor Has she been attending school/college this year, or literally just staying in her room?

I’m asking because I’m wondering whether she can cope with being out and about generally, or really can’t right now.

Are you a GP???!

Well France has good hospitals. What is it to you?

She attends 6th form yes.

You sound deranged. You are haranguing this woman who you have never met, and crucially have never met the daughter. Leave it be.

Why don't you just back right off? Don't you think the OP has enough on her plate without your vitriolic comments?

I’m going away for a week in a fortnight and leaving my 19 and 17 yo home. My 19yo is mature thankfully so I know everything will be ok. Can you leave her home and get someone to check in every couple of days?

Your daughter needs stability and the safety and security of her home. Stop pretending this is for your daughter.

Christ....

I just want my daughter to be elsewhere than the 4 walls in her bedroom, that’s all..to be all together in a cute part of France.