Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

madness - a 4 year old is going to want a soft play party or something like a bouncy castle not loads of mums sipping champagne !

Get the child a fun cake if you really want to contribute

We're Midlands, for DTwins we've hired a hall, £20 an hour. Plus a bouncy castle, £20 and electricity, £20. Free disco else I'd have used my phone. Food will be home made sandwiches, pizza, snacks. Decorations brought in sale, about £20. Drinks for kids, cordial. That's it. No one needs to be pissed at my kids party

Just reply haha, you almost had me there. 3k lol. Let me know what she wants as gift and I'll bring it along to the party.

WTAF? Obviously do not give a penny to this nonsense. I could not be friends with someone who threw a party like that for a 4 year old but asked someone else to pay.

Don’t give her anything, she’s a CF.

Soft play party about £18 a head

We just had my 4 year olds party. It was £50
to hire the village hall, £85 to hire a bouncy castle, £100ish for a big celebration cake and food and decorations. About £20-30 for party bags. This felt quite extravagant but we couldn’t have it at home so about £250 all in.

I just held a 5th birthday party. It was at home and cost €230 for the entertainment (magician show), about €70 for food & the cake (Tesco) and drinks. I put on coffee and muffins for the parents who stayed as well as fed the 13 guests and my own 3 kids. Another €50-60 on party bags and decorations.
I feel like I spent too much to be honest when I include his gifts and we are a very comfortable, two full time working parents, family. It's all got out of hand.

Kids parties are not cheap but the party your friend is planning is not for the benefit of her child. You'd be absolutely stone mad to have any part in it. Don't be a doormat. The absolute cheek of her.

I wasn’t even thinking about any of that fancy stuff, I was just thinking about balloons and cake and some sausage rolls 😂
everyone knows that doesn’t cost £3k

Is she an influencer by any chance? or has notions of being one ie, very social media and image concious?

It's madness to spend that amount on a 4 year olds birthday party. It doesn't even sound like the party is for the child. As a mum of 3 (oldest nearly a teenager I have never been to a kids party and given booze nor have I ever offered it). It's my child's party not a drunken day out. I do know someone who hosts kids parties like that. It just seems the kids birthday is an excuse for the parents to get drunk. It's very sad.

Parties can cost as much or as little as you want. DC1 had a huge birthday party (40 kids) with 3 bouncy castles loads od food etc and a big hall hire and it cost £350. This was a one off as he is nuerodivergent and had never wanted a party till his 8th birthday and the party needed to meet his needs which added a lot of extra expense.

Dc2 had a soft play party for his 6th birthday that cost about £170 including food and cake for 27 kids.

Dc3 hasn't had a birthday party yet but will have next year when he turns 6. I imagine it will be about £200 to £250.

If your friend wants to host a "kids birthday party" with champagne etc she can pay for it. I would never dream of asking for anyone else to pay for my kids parties. I can't afford parties this year due to other properties so the kids haven't had any.

Whether your friend wants a £3k 4th birthday party or a £30 one, it’s not your job to fund it. She’s barmy.

Let me know if you want to contribute

Well you don't want to contribute so you don't need to "let her know" anything.

Her use of the word "contribute" suggests that she is not, in fact, asking you for £3k which is what your title says.

Don’t give her a penny - parents pay for their DC’s party. You cut your cloth - and party - according to what you can afford. She’s a massive CFer.

50 room hire
200 entertainment
200 food max

Please buy a lovely pressie for the child but don’t get involved in funding her party.

Parties should be planned according to the budget. At 4 years old she should be able to do a fab party without spending £1K let alone more!

What?! No that's not normal at all.

I'm planning a birthday party soon and I probably will spend less than £100. I can see how you could spend more than that easily, but not that much more. Certainly not for the 4 year old's benefit.

has she been on the champagne today? This is mental.

She's nuts. Even the hire of a venue or a bouncy castle for the whole nursery class would only cost a couple of hundred quid.

Sandwiches, pizza, crisps, cake from supermarket, party bag of tat. Job done.
No one drinks much, if at all at kids' parties. Tea, coffee, soft drinks, most will be driving surely?
I have been to all my godson's parties and never contributed a penny. She's dreadful 😫

We're not short of money and we didn't spend that on my son's 18th (which was room hire in a hotel, food and drink and a dj), or even close to half on my 50th. The most I think we spent on a party at that age was about £100.

Even if she's short of cash you can have a party at home with cake and party games for about £50, £3k is INSANE! And there is absolutely no expectation for godparents to find extravagant parties, she's being bloody cheeky.

I'd reply "that sounds nice, I'll bring a bottle" and leave it at that

I would presume she was joking and simply laugh back. £100-£200 for a 4 year olds party I reckon, but then I have never been to one where the parents get alcohol.

Tell her you will buy your God child's cake and that Lidl has some cracking Cremant at £10 a bottle.

Madness. If the parents want to spend silly money on a party for a 4-year-old that's their prerogative and fine if they can afford it. Otherwise they need to cut their cloth accordngly and scale back their plans. Asking guests for a financial contribution is sheer CF.

By all means buy the child a nice gift and turn up for the party with a couple of bottles of wine or similar, but nothing more. Normal people wouldn't expect anything else of their guests.

Literally unbelievable.

Well I needed a good laugh today. 🤣🤣🤣 You are joking ..yes????.
For starters no kids birthday I ever heard of cost that. It would buy a very pleasant family week in the sun no problem.
In the second place only some one with more front than Blackpool would ever dare suggest a God parent should pay for a child's party .. even if that child's party only cost £100. It is a parents responsibility to provide a party if they can afford it. If not then they don't have a party. Simple.
Kids parties can be done very cheaply .. especially for a four year old. Strangely they have no expectation at that age for alcohol for all adults guests. Buy your God Child a nice gift £50 would definitely get something a four year old would like ..then step back. If you feel like making a contribution to the party offer to buy the cake ...but don't go mad on it or you will set yourself up for hinting and down right outrageous asking for years to come. . Seems they saw you coming. Back slowly away before they ask you to be God parent to child number 2 and onwards. 😁💐