Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

3k for a child’s birthday party is obscene. This is not normal.

‘Let me know if you want to contribute!’

‘LOL, no thanks!’

wtf is she thinking??

Do not give her more than £100. Even that is generous.

I am sure you can find celebs and very rich people who will pay thousands, but it is totally unnecessary.

I could see £1,200 at a really big push (£150 for bespoke cake, £20/child for food/soft drink/party bags and 12 bottles of champagne for all the adults). However, that is totally unnecessary and OTT.

Ultimately, you should only host a party you can afford (fairly obviously!) and that would be supermarket cake, Prosecco and children’s food, max cost £400 or so.

Asking you for money is beyond cheeky. Does she expect you to do it every year?!

Bring a bottle to the party ( although for a 4 th birthday the idea of pissed parents worries me)
Pop a tenner or maybe twenty into a card and enjoy the cake

Your friend has been watching too much reality tv if she thinks this is the norm

I would be considering this friendship and what your role as godparent was based on ( my brother only asked rich people to be godparents)

My kids are now adults and I have absolutely no idea how much they pay for DGSs birthday parties. Why would I know?
Meanwhile the friend wanting to spend £3k of other people's money on her 4 year olds party needs her head examining.

Where is the party...expensive venue with hotel bar prices. That's a crazy amount of money.

I’d reply, I’ll bring little Arabella her birthday present, and I’ll bring a bottle for the hosts.

It’s not up to you to find her birthday party. If she can’t afford 3k, then she shouldn’t be arranging that party.

Adding to the chorus - your friend is being outrageously cheeky.

I'm of the "throw money at it" school and outsourced everything for my dd's 3rd birthday party, (because I was going thru a difficult pregnancy at the time and couldn't face doing it DIY). Catering, cake, soft play, invited the whole class. In London. With lots of booze, more than we needed.

Still came to £350-400. I'm honestly not sure how you can possibly spend more.

I'm spending less for her 4th, I'll never spend that much on a birthday party again lol!

Depends what you do. Some food, a game of pass the parcel etc. and you could do it for less than £100 if you're not having to hire a venue.

At the same time, I remember (wasn't a guest) a six uear old's birthday which probably cost a six figure sum. That kid had his own bodyguard detail.

Most four year old birthday parties would lean more towards the former than the latter. I don't think that my parents ever spent more than £300 (early 2000s prices), and a good time was had by all.

Just send her a row of shocked face 😲 emojis and nothing else. and don't engage further. because this sort of nonsense shouldn't even be dignified with a response

I can promise you that you don't need the texts to make this outing because there's no way there's many people asking others for thousand's to pay for their child's birthday party.
Anyone who knows this woman is not going to read your post and go hmm, I know a similar person, what a coincidence.

They're going to read your post and go HA! she's on about that bloody cheeky cow Sarah.

The mind boggles. I'd just laugh at her

Soft play for 15 kids is under £70 , being your own food but I expect alcohol wouldn't be expected

Kids party at home - cake and napkins and sweets to hand out - virtually nothing

I SO wish I was making this up. Happy to post the texts - but I feel that is too 'outing'

How is it more outing posting the texts than posting the thread. The person involved will easily recognise herself from the details you have given.

Would expect this party to be held at home, any venue wouldn't permit entitled mum bringing alcohol to the party and if she did have entertainers booked she might find herself reported to Social Services, drunk around children is a safeguarding issue.

I'm struggling to get anywhere near £3K.

Say it's an all class party with a set party cost per child. Lots are around £25 a head with food. 30 x £25 is £750. If you then allow £20 a head for the adults and all kids bring two adults that's £1,200. So the total is still under £2K.

Fuck me that's taking the absolute piss!

Did she make you a godmother because she felt you were a genuinely good person she wanted in her child's life? Or because she sees you as an easy source of funds to tap up?

Are you actually invited to this party, or just expected to cough up so that she and her friends can get pissed?

Pre-children, I didn't have a clue, couldn't have care less either. I only started to research soft plays/ entertainer/ laser tags/ disco etc when I had my own kids!

A few sandwiches (which don't get eaten), crisps and bits. Biscuits, squash and the cake

Maybe balloons.

Where is she holding it? The Ritz?

She just wants you to fund a booze-up.

Be unavailable

Where we live, birthday parties are quite lavish (whole classes, champagne and buffet for adults, fancy venues and lots of entertainment) but I doubt they'd get anywhere near 1k, let alone over 3k!

(I think it's ridiculous and DS has a mid-August birthday so we're always on holiday thus negating the need at the moment for a party)

If I was you, I'd open a savings account for the child and put in money there for birthdays. That way this ridiculous woman cannot get her paws on it and the child, when 18 may have enough to buy her first cheap car or driving lessons. Or buy her premium bonds. Do not pay any money towards this party. I would even back away - you are being used as a cash cow.

I did a 4 year old twin party for £350 and that was inviting 20 kids 🤷‍♀️ it's unusual to provide alcohol at a party for this age, at most I'd do tea and cake for the adults.

But why is it your responsibility?
Has she explained this at all?