Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Well, this one tops my list of Things That Never Happened today.

Is this her? Did the christening ever actually happen? Did you end up buying them a bigger house? 🤣

Not on your Nelly! £300 ish for a basic full class affair.

She’ll regret this foolishness by the time the child is an older teen. The words ‘rod’ and ‘back’ come to mind. Just make sure it isn’t your back!

Nobody has kids' parties in "a nice restaurant". She wants a jolly for her Mum mates and is using your godchild's birthday as a hook to hang it on.

She'd get damn all from me towards it.

BTW my grandson's 10th birthday party (video games, Macdonalds and then football in the park - 8 boys) came to £100.

@parkyn

Ask her for an itemized list of all the costs and a complete guest list. Because basically she's asking you to finance a fancy dinner and drinks for her and her 'mum friends'. She's throwing you a bone by including you.

Wait a bit, then say no.

Anyone that cheeky deserves to be on tenterhooks for a day or two thinking their patsy is falling for it.

Also, realize that this is probably the first in a long line of cheeky requests. You may be asked to stump up for private school, Disney holidays, Uni fees. Unless you're willing to be importuned for the next 15+ years, nip this in the bud right now.

My kids are older now but I’d say £300- £500 was the norm 15 years ago - hall hire, entertainer plus food. But you could equally have a party at home and it be much cheaper. At 4 we definitely had home parties with entertainers.

This is unbelievably cheeky of her. Also find it kind of weird there’s so much booze. Where I am a kid’s party is about the kids 🙄 if it’s in a hall it may be a couple of hundred to hire and then it’s kids food and some toys/entertainment.

£3000 on a 4 year olds birthday party?! Shit, I didn't spend that on my wedding!!

I agree. Not great fun for a 4 year old. She sounds really selfish tbh.

@parkyn

No kid has a party at a "nice restaurant". They go to MacDonald's, KFC or similar. If the parents were really pushing the boat out they might pay for soft play or a children's entertainer.

And parties are usually so early in the day that alcohol just isn't on the agenda. Maybe tea or coffee for parents that stay, but that's it.

This is an adult party pretending to be a kid's party and your friend is a CF of the highest order.

Like PP say just buy your godchild a nice present and ignore this madness.

Your "D"F is taking the piss, no way does a child's party cost £3k, if you don't say no you'll be setting yourself to be rinsed of money the next time she gets a crazy idea in her head.
Does she have form for suggesting lavish gifts or money?
As a God parent you should be buying her DC a nice present, put some money in an account or take her out for the day.
It's not your job to be funding the insta lifestyle your "D"F clearly aspires to.
Say no!

Just no. She just wants expensive booze for the adults. This is serious cheeky fuckery.

And adults at a 4 year old’s birthday party, which will be full of young children, shouldn’t be drinking alcohol in any case - certainly not enough to generate a £3k bill!!!

FWIW I spent about £1500 on my elder DD’s 18th birthday party. Probably spent about £400 on her 4th (hire of hall/entertainer/food and cake/gift bags; am in London).

4 year old party . Ther would be NO Alcohol and if there was you wouldn't send your kid. There's no if or nuts around that. You at most are booking a hall with a bouncy castle and some sandwiches for around £300 if it's london or cheaper elsewhere . She's testing the waters and throwing a party for herself don't fall for it otherwise you'll be forever handing out money. Buy a nice gift and be done with this.

please say you’re not sending this thieving CF money?

wish I could edit my post as obviously it’s not clear but I meant people know how much some sandwiches and bottles of coke cost, I wasn’t talking about budgeting anything elsE

Are any children invited to the 'nice restaurant' where she doesn't want 'crap booze' served? Party bags? Pass the parcel?Soft Play? Sounds like a shit 4 year old birthday's party. More like an adults party.

I think I’d reply along the lines of
“I’d love to contribute to the celebration! The most important part of if for a 4yr old is the cake, so as her godmother I’d love to spend some quality time with her choosing a cake she’d like and contributing it to her party”

I have plenty of my own money and I have never spent that much on my child’s birthday party. I have thrown some really nice parties. They do not cost nearly that much if they are child focused.

regardless, it’s not your job to pay. You bring a present for the child and that is all.

For the love of god op, do not give this CF any money. The absolute cheek of some people.

Dear OP.
Please wise up quickly. Kids parties cost 150 quid including hire of an entertainer.
By the way I'm having a 30th for my DD. If you feel inclined then 2K would be appreciated 😅😉

I have a 3 & 4 year old and live in a ‘naice’ area with the suv driving everyone lives in 5 bed houses with names not numbers and a decent kids party costs £500 and we have had 30+ kids at both ours this year.
some of the expensive venues where you pay per head might go to £700 at absolute most with a big guest list but honestly £3k is INSANE

And who is going to be responsible for the birthday child and her friends if CF friend and her mates are all off their tits necking champagne?

I think I paid £200 for a soft play party and the food was included in that

That party would cost more than my wedding did!

To answer your question op my son's 4th birthday party came to under £500. Private hire of a local softplay with hot food for the kids and some little party bags. Simple and my son loved it.

Your friend is insane!!

No, you don't contribute to other people's kid's parties. You bring a gift and a card