Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

My kids parties cost between £60-£350 each.

i had one with bouncy castle at home that I served Prosecco and the rest were dry, as it’s a kids party, not an adult party. I have 3 kids and only been offered alcohol at 4 or so parties in two decades - most at home and one in a scout hall. Restaurants are not a common or suitable venue for kids parties.

my 40th birthday cost me £1200 in London and that was with a £700 bar bill.

Your friend is asking you to pay for an expensive day out with her friends that her child will get no more enjoyment from than any other party - probably less as many of the parents will be neglecting the kids to focus on having a drink.

a god parent is there to offer guidance to the child as they get older, not as a cash cow for greedy money grabbing parents. I have never asked anyone to pay for my kids parties (and I have been at times on a zero hour contract and benefits). This is just teaching a child to expect an unsustainable lifestyle.

say no. This will never end otherwise

Why on earth would you be drinking alcohol when you have a 4 year old.

None of the kids partis Iv been to have booze. Usually it's a play centre and leisure centre. Couple hundred max for kids party and food

A nice restaurant is a completely inappropriate venue for a child's birthday parry.
No parent is going to want to drink at a child's birthday party, that isn't really normal (maybe a glass of wine if at someone's house and it's walking distance)
It's not awkward, it's hilarious, she has a brass neck alright, if she mentions it again, tell her a normal 4year olds birthday party is soft play or similar.
😂

My 4 years olds was probably £250 all in with party bags, cake, venue hire, food for 20 kids.

What the party costs should be nothing to do with you as in it’s not your responsibility.
Your job is turn up and bring a gift.
If you really want to the ‘right thing’ for this kid set money aside (I wouldn’t open a savings account in their name and alert the mother the CF would spend it!) and let it slowly grow.
I think the mother has Kardashian delusions without the bank balance.
You don’t have to buy a friend.
Let her have a party she can afford!

No parent is going to want to drink at a child's birthday party, that isn't really normal

It very much is normal round here, nearly all the kids' parties I've been to have had wine!

But yeah you could buy a few bottles of prosecco and cans of beer and that'd be totally adequate.

Wow, a ‘nice restaurant!’ Sounds really disappointing for the child and more like a party for the mum. What four year old wants to go anywhere other than McDonald’s or Pizza Hut?!

(If wanting to contribute) I’d insist on sending something tangible for the party that the child will actually benefit from like balloons in their favourite colour.

WTAF!! I used to pay approx £10-15 a head at those party play centres - parents got their own coffee!!
I actually remember my really horrible ex SIL who proceeded to give expensive gifts (hundreds of £'s) to her mum friends ... it was really cringey and unheard some of the mums in the toilets saying how weird it was to go so OTT for a kids birthday party it was more about showing off 'look at me and all my money' ... when in actual fact she had no money ... BIL got it added to his credit card 😵‍💫

This can't be real, who does this?! 😅🫣

If it is, obviously it is completely bananas to request £3k off a godparent to throw a lavish adult champagne piss up for a childs 4th birthday. It would even be CFery to ask for £100 for a small wacky warehouse party with that amount of presumption! I also know which party 4 year old kids would prefer too...

Seriously if she was super hard up and said "OP, listen I am struggling at the mo and DC would really like a bday party like all of her friends, I am asking any family members if they could chip in for a small party at a softplay centre so that she has something to look forward to, could you contribute? No worries if not." That would be far less cheeky than, "hey OP, I need to impress a set of strangers using my daughters birthday, £3k if you will, that sort of money is wasted on you since you don't have kids"

Has she ever asked anything so cheeky before, I can't see this coming out of the blue. If it has don't be stupid enough to set this precedent, what will it be for the 16th or 18th birthday bash!? First class tickets to a party in Dubai? 😅

This has made me so sad for the child

Don't you dare give her a money. Buy the kid a present that's enough. Up to her if she's stupid enough to spend that.

my child's third cost in the region of £50. I would not give a penny. What a pisstake.

And can be done so much cheaper if needed. Honestly last thing a bunch of hyper 4 yrs need is pissed parents pretending to look after them .

Maybe she also wants you to attend the party and not drink so S to be responsible for all the unsupervised 4 year olds and their pissed parents

Do not give her money. If you want to buy some prosecco or wine at the venue. Or pay for a cake. Parents will not expect champagne. She is mad! Tea and coffee is a bonus at a kid's party. Surely if you do anything it should be for the child not her friends parents!

I have teenagers, but fourth birthday parties were in our house, I made lots of cakes and food, we organised games with tiny prizes. The only costs were drinks, food ingredients, game prizes and party bags. I think it probably cost £120 at the very most, and that is including wine for parents !

She sounds crazy! Fancy spending silly money on a 4th birthday party.

offer to get the cake if anything.

Agree with this, champagne is nuts.

id say no more than £350 for a childs party, and thats a good one. ours cost £700 but thats only because we bought a massive bouncy castle so that we could own it

Cheeky mare !!
Try and cost it yourself based on a couple of activities and soft drinks. I'll bet it comes to nowhere near £3k

I would offer to pay for something specific for the kids and phrase it in a way that means the money can only be spent on that.

e.g. I’d love to contribute to god daughter’s birthday as my gift, I’m sure she’ll get lots of presents so it would be great to help make sure her day is extra special. I’m happy to pay for an entertainer like a Disney princess lookalike or magician/cake/bouncy castle. Let me know how much the deposit is and I’ll transfer it over and bring the rest in cash on the day.

If she wants champagne, she can fund it herself!

No £250 tops and you DO NOT serve alcohol at a kids party. I have been to some that have served alcohol and I think its very poor form if you need to be drunk to enjoy a kids party.

She's a CF no kids party costs anywhere near £3k. Nobody should be boozing at a kid's party either. I just don't allow booze. You give them an inch they take a mile.

Are you in fact Jeff Bezos? Is your name HSBC? Are you related to the royal family? There's got to be some reason she thinks you're an ATM.