Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

I would be so angry If I were you. She's using you as a cash cow to impress her other friends who will all say how generous she is!

Same. She's such a cheeky fucker.

So I’m a party maximalist and live in the south east, my daughter’s 5th we did hall rental, bouncy castle rental, face painter and an entertainer, buffet for 30 kids (we invited the whole class), and paid for soft drinks from the bar for parents as it was boiling hot. It came to £600 ish.

£3k is mad. And no one should be leaving a kids party in a state to be hungover.

I spent £280 on a 25th anniversary including 5 bottles of decent chamapgne

Ask if your GD has a Child Trust Fund which is encouraged by govt.to save for the child to have some money when they are 18. Hargreaves Landsdown do them as do others. Say you would rather put some money into that. Why should you fund a lux. do for mothers you don't know and at a restaurant young children will be out of place? No one does that.

Nice restaurants don't host pre school birthday parties or does she mean some kind of private function area?

Yep the only circles where I can imagine a 4th birthday party being held in a “nice” restaurant are Saudi sheikhs and Russian oligarchs in Chelsea.

I live in Dulwich and have friends with kids at JAGS/Alleyns etc, and soft play or party at home is totally normal. I have been to parties where there has been beer and Prosecco available, but they are usually held in pub function rooms or at home, so it is more a case of “alcohol in the fridge, help yourself” than a bottle of champagne in a restaurant. And as you say, nobody has more than half a glass full because you are testing off to stop your toddler pulling the tablecloth off, or getting to the cake.

They've been discontinued, it's a JISA you can get now.

Either ignore your leech "friend's" message or reply "haha, no"

The absolute most I have ever spent on my kids birthday parties was £250 and that was for a horse riding party (8 kids each on a pony with some grooming, schooling and a short hack and sandwiches & cake after). Your friend is on another planet.

Ah sorry I have already got her a gift 🎁, is what I'd be saying ! Cheeky mare

Unless she has form for outrageous requests I would probably assume it was a flippant aside that landed badly - doesn’t that seem more probably than an actual request for you to bankroll her chums champagne drinking?

If you think she’s genuinely asking and you want to help with something I would probably say something like ‘hey - you mentioned x’s birthday party is expensive - I’d be super happy to choose some balloons or buy a birthday cake for her - but I’m not paying for your mom-friends drinks!’

Offer to pay for the birthday cake and take your goddaughter to choose it. So you have contributed plenty- taking the child out, choosing and paying for her cake - the centrepiece of the party. A very important and symbolic contribution. Don’t hand over any financial contribution to the party piss up.

OP, are you by any chance the childless godmother whose friend wanted her to buy them a new house and pay for their prep school fees?

I usually spend around £50 hall hire, £100 bouncy castle hire and another £50 on sandwiches/crisps/juice and maybe £20 on party bags. I usually invite around 20 kids plus parents and there’s always enough food and cake for everyone to have lunch plus a bit leftover that we eat through the week. £3k is crazy money.

Well her friends would have hated the parties DS and his friends had at that age.

They/ I did Soft Play, trampolines, round someone's house maybe in a hall if it's an all class do and possibly a bouncy castle if it's a summer birthday. Pizza, crisps, chicken nuggets, carrot sticks. Birthday cake for the kids, cup cakes and another pizza or two for the adults who stayed. No booze. I have never been to a party for a kid with booze - apart from a Christening. Cup of tea or coffee and that's it. Parents are there to accompany kids, wipe backsides if necessary and stop little Johnny beating up little George and a bit of gossip.

She’d be an ex-friend to me.

I’m so aghast at everything in this post that’s all I can muster.

I’m sorry you’ve been put in this ridiculous position. Don’t give this CF a penny,

I was also thinking that 😂😂 I was going to say the same thing.

I’d respond to her invitation to contribute with a 😂.

If she mentions it again, tell her you thought that she was joking, you’re her DD’s Godmother, not hers, and you think she’s getting confused between Godmother and Fairy Godmother if she thinks you’ll be giving her 3k to spend on champagne for her mates.

She is taking advantage of you, does she get you to pay for other things for her child? Small children do not like to spend prolonged time in nice restaurants where they have to sit still - that is bonkers. The idea of taking a large group of 4 year olds to a nice restaurant fills me dread and horror!!!

Kids like soft play, bouncing castles and that kind of thing. Anyone I know who does something outside their home usually brings them to something like soft play or another play place which can cost 200/300.

To me it sounds like she wants you to pay for an extravagant meal for her and her friend group - do you pay for other things for her? In my family God Parents just give you a slightly more generous gift than other friends.

Is it at Soho House by any chance?

The friend is batshit. I've never spent more than £500 on a kids party and I thought that was extravagant ( but it was for 30 kids & their adults, entertainer, hall hire and a mountain of food and drink)

There must be a backstory here. Is the friend a wannabe influencer?

A child's 4th birthday is sandwiches, crisps and cake, a few games, and cups of tea for the parents. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Absolute madness!

I live in the middle of the country. At that age we would usually hire a soft play, or hall with bouncy castle. Paper plates and kids food, maybe a face painter. Because that is what 4 year olds like. As pp have said, £100 perhaps, up to about £250. All in. Sometimes parents with birthdays near each other band together to lower the cost to each.

£3000... your friend is not a friend.

As a Godmother, ahem you are supposed to guide your Godchild spiritually and show them the way. It's not about money or funding the parents and boozy friends' enjoyment. Money shouldn't come into it at all really. Oh I sound so superior don't I lol.

Anyway, as a childless Godmother myself, I have always taken said GC out for the day somewhere (not the day of his party obv) and indulged him a bit for his birthday. I have left him a sum in my will. That's it really. He is one of several niblings and they are all very special to me.