Partner shoves me whilst I sleep!

[Muddlethroughmam]

Partner is not a good sleeper, I am as long as I sleep before him (snoring).
However he quite frequently wakes me up by pushing/shoving me. Sometimes on my back and sometimes on my shoulders/collar bone area. He's a big guy and I'm very petite, It does hurt and quite often I wake up in pain from it.
He has apologised before but it's I'm sorry but you're in my way, or your hand is on my side of the bed preventing me from sleeping.
This morning he shoved me with both hands on my collar bones and it did hurt quite a bit. We got up and I said I expected an apology, he said I'll apologise when you apologize.
I've explained to him that he's hurting me and it's not right to continue to do it when this has been explained to him, I've asked him to wake me up if I'm in his way and ask me to move but he doesn't, he continues to shove me.
He also remembers doing it every time so he's awake but is continuing to do it.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable as to not apologise? As I am not purposely annoying him/getting in his way. He is purposely hurting me.

Yup. Another clever little sod has forgotten how to read. Or think. Yes, it's her fault for snoring. I hope some of you don't have daughters. In fact I also hope you're not bringing up boys either.

Why does he want you to apologise for the way you've moved in your sleep? And why are you accepting this?

Do you live together?

Ask him why he does something that he knows hurts you.

This is what I have. But it is very evident that I am not awake as I make absolutely zero sense.

Can you get a bolster to put between you when you sleep? He can push that. Failing that twin beds.

Too many men hurt women.

It takes a woman on average 9 attempts to leave their abusive partners because of stupid stupid advice from those in the women's circle usually telling her it's normal it's fine it's love, as well as a complete lack of resource immediately available.

So I won't be kind or courteous to you, you can fuck off telling a group of primarily women that their abusive partners are probably great in many ways because THAT'S WHY WOMEN DONT LEAVE.

Many of us have been through the abuse. My partner was hugely selfless with money and time and very charismatic and funny except every so often he liked to put his hands round my neck. Should I have stayed?

Honestly, get to fuck.

That's good, my late to husband had it, was a great snorer, and really needed to lose weight. I bought something from the chemist to spray at the back of his throat which was quite effective. He didn't move around in bed much though.

Is there another room in which you could sleep? I often did if the snoring re-commenced.

Here we go, solved!! He wants to have a little fucking chat!! Oh dear god almighty. I'm going to have a coronary soon 🤬🤬🤬🤯🤯🤯

I would dump him. He doesn’t care that he is physically hurting you.

Get a bunk bed with a double at the bottom where you can make love but when you sleep you go in the top bunk as you're petite and he can sprawl out in the double below.

@Muddlethroughmam when you're both awake and, let's say for example you're in his way when he's trying to get to the sink in the kitchen, would he just shove you out the way?

I'm sure he doesn't... shoving you out of the way when you're both awake is unacceptable, so how does you being asleep and not in control of where you are make it acceptable??

At the very least he'd be getting a sarcastic "oh yes, I'm terribly sorry for encroaching two inches into your space when I'm fast asleep and not in control of my actions" from me, then telling him to either stop doing it or he's not allowed to sleep in the same bed as you any more.

DH and I used to have bed hogging issues that we've eliminated by buying a super kind size bed. Most of the time we actually have separate beds as we both snore. If DH is snoring I'll put my hand on his side and gently rock him until he stirs. If I'm snoring DH is sometimes less gentle, but that's just because he's like a bull in a china shop about everything! He does apologise when I point out that he either hurt me or scared the shit out of me.

It just feels to me like there is a bit missing, with some creative editing. She mentions she snores and he shoves her. My ex husband moaned l poked him to make him roll over, missing the part where he snored to excess to the extent he woke me up and rolling over cut down on the snoring. It’s not my fault snorers are super defensive most of the time

You are not being dramatic. To do this he is lifting himself and positioning himself above you. It's a choice. He's not got to the point where he no longer apologies. If you don't want your leave, you need single beds

no its the man who snores

what is the matter with you @Whatwaswrongwiththatusername - so much aggression here, you are being very dramatic,
have you read the ops posts or are you just running away with your own imagination? it is Not helpful

Maybe @Whatwaswrongwiththatusername is angry because the OP is being abused and some people are minimising it?

@Whatwaswrongwiththatusername knows it isn't OP snoring

He’s handling you roughly enough to hurt you, so badly that you can feel pain when you wake up. THAT IS ASSAULT. And he wants YOU to apologise for something as trivial as moving your hand on to his side of the bed while you’re asleep.

Can’t you see how abusive he is?

My apologies to @Muddlethroughmam for getting annoyed on your thread, I hope you have taken some of the really good advice you have had from the majority who have replied. And I hope you are able to step back and see what's happening and please don't minimise his behaviour anymore. You are not overreacting, his behaviour is wrong. Full stop. Please find a way through this that is right for you, and any children you have. Only you know what that will be, or how long it may take, but you posted because you did know that is not right and have listened to yourself. Whatever next step you take may be hard, but long term safety for you and any children you have in the aim here. Be careful and safe and I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do next, none of this is your fault and it definitely is a reason to finish a relationship. Where or when the abuse happens, no matter what excuse they use, it is still abuse, clear and simple.

thank you so much @Whatwaswrongwiththatusername

If he's fully awake and deliberately doing it to hurt you then it's a LTB from me.

If the hurt is accidental (you reference difference in size) in an otherwise good relationship - separate beds?

Separate beds - you are not compatible sleeping buddies - it does not mean you are not compatible overall.

I sleep in a separate room from my other half. If I slept beside him I would get very little sleep.

He’s hurting you, on purpose, and blaming you. That’s awful. Separate beds as a minimum but be prepared for him to start taking his frustrations out on you in other ways.

He's awake and shoving you forcefully that's not sleep apnea, my DD has apnea and is unaware of anything.
Would you tolerate this from him if he was standing in front of you?
He's using this as an excuse to assault you.

Also OP, IDAS are fantastic at helping you if you need housing support. Its not fast but they risk assess you and take your needs to a MARAC where you may be placed higher priority on council housing or they may be able to help you find emergency accomodation.

Women's aid are fantastic at finding you links to possible financial support or charities, as well as helping you make an exit plan, talk about how you feel and can signpost to other contact lines for other necessary services.

I think this is important to know because they're likely to be a reliable source of support for you that won't minimise the abuse you're going through.

You need to sleep separately from tonight as you deserve a decent night’s sleep away from him. Don’t apologise to him and think about whether you should stay with someone who deliberately hurts you. He sounds horrid.