Partner shoves me whilst I sleep!

[Muddlethroughmam]

Partner is not a good sleeper, I am as long as I sleep before him (snoring).
However he quite frequently wakes me up by pushing/shoving me. Sometimes on my back and sometimes on my shoulders/collar bone area. He's a big guy and I'm very petite, It does hurt and quite often I wake up in pain from it.
He has apologised before but it's I'm sorry but you're in my way, or your hand is on my side of the bed preventing me from sleeping.
This morning he shoved me with both hands on my collar bones and it did hurt quite a bit. We got up and I said I expected an apology, he said I'll apologise when you apologize.
I've explained to him that he's hurting me and it's not right to continue to do it when this has been explained to him, I've asked him to wake me up if I'm in his way and ask me to move but he doesn't, he continues to shove me.
He also remembers doing it every time so he's awake but is continuing to do it.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable as to not apologise? As I am not purposely annoying him/getting in his way. He is purposely hurting me.

It is not for nothing that aristos have separate bedrooms.

Wow? Really? That's what you're asking her? So, say she's rolled over IN HER SLEEP, and he carefully tries to gently move her over, or a little tap "honey, can you move over a bit please?", like I might have to do to a snoring partner, then yeah, that's annoying but ok! THIS IS CLEARLY NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE! Did you read the bit about her telling him it hurts and him blaming her? The fact he continues to do it night after night. Ffs, what is wrong with some people?? I assume you're perfectly ok with your (much bigger and stronger) partner shoving you, or painfully pushing you every time he decides you're in his way or his personal space? And it hurts every single time. And maybe he's even coming up behind you so you're not aware and then gives you a shove?? That's all ok with you, is it? Fucking appalling 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

This is abuse and the only acceptable solution here is to leave him.

Do not try and find an amicable solution. It will not change the fact he is an abuser and has made his issues yours to solve, has not been remorseful about causing you pain, and has repeatedly hurt you.

Once could be an accident but if someone is truly sorry they don't do it again.

There's no such thing as a single issue abuser, if this issue was resolved the next problem he has would also become your problem.

Love yourself. Love yourself enough to know this is not normal.

I think you mean "single lives are the way to go".

He is awake and pushing/ shoving her!!

What is the matter with some posters?!

Agree, his actions have vibes of, "How dare you take up space!"

He's awake ffs. He is shoving you, wants you to apologise are you really ok with this?

But he isnt asleep!!

He is fully aware and want her to apologise for something that she does when asleep.

How can it be sleep apnoea when he is awake??

Victim blaming at its finest

I'm sorry you're experiencing this OP, it sounds horrible.
I agree with previous responses- he's abusive.
It may not seem like abuse but the very first thing that came to mind after reading your post was domestic violence. You can be unaware of a lot when sleeping, but shoving someone full force with both hands isn't something you could do without being awake. How does he know you're even on his side of the bed if he's 'sleeping'?
Regardless of whether people would label it as abuse or not, I wouldn't want to stay with a man who shows no empathy or remorse when you've actively told him it hurts you.

It's not a punch doesn't mean it's not abuse. He is hitting you and doing at a time you are vulnerable. That is abuse.

i would put a pillow between us

100% leave. He hits you when he knows you have no way of protecting yourself and he's likely to get away with it. It's not a behaviour that's going to go away over time. It's a behaviour that is going to get worse. He will start shoving you during arguments once you've taught him that he can get away with it. He doesn't even apologise, he blames you. You made him do it, it's not his fault. If you can make someone hit you while you're asleep It's going to be very easy to make him hit you while you're awake isn't it.

I've been struggling with my sleep lately and very much affecting DPs sleep in my effort to get comfortable. Last night I woke to him sleeping along the bottom of the bed like a dog, bexuase I had laid across all the pillows in my sleep and he didn't want to wake me. Granted, I'm heavily pregnant with his child so I get a bit of extra princess treatment.

Something I recognise as a stark difference with him and my ex. I always knew that my ex could hit me. Long before things started going wrong, I knew I could make him hit me, I knew he had that in him. And it should have been enough to make me leave. If you know a man has it in him to put his hands on you in anger, leave.
DP, I know there's nothing in the world I could do to make him hurt me, he would never have the desire to put his hands on me in anger.

Separate beds is the obvious answer - if you really want to stay married.

Don't be so stupid and victim-blaming. OP's h is AWAKE and knows what he's doing. He's a violent abuser.

Can you move in another room. That way you will both get a good nights sleep.

When I sleep, I sleep deep!
my husband has to literally shake me to wake me up!
I was asleep on a plane last month and the man next to me wanted to get past me, he was talking to me and tried to wake me 🤣 my husband was sat across the aisle from me and has to shake me 🤣 my husband said that the man looked very concerned because he couldn’t wake me 🤣

My abusive ex used to do this. Say he was sleeping when he kicked hard at me, pushed me or accidentally threw a fist into my head. He was just a coward who enjoyed hurting me slyly. He enjoyed hurting me but always pretended it was by accident. Like shoving past me so hard I fell, pulling me up by my hand whilst crushing my hand. Throwing himself onto sofa and half landing on me. Pushing himself up with a hand on my thigh. He weighed 18 stone and was 12 inches taller than me. He also used his size to intimate me. Some men just enjoy hurting women. Leave him.

My son sleep walks and he apoears to be completely awake so i dont think you can assune he is fully conscious without duscussing it.

You need your own bed to sleep in. Even better, your own room. Bliss.

Isn’t it due to your snoring? I shove my partner up make them rollover. They snore like a wart hog when they are lying on their back

Is he absolutely 100% awake? If there was any chance he was asleep, semi-asleep or dozing, this sounds similar to REM Sleep Behaviour Disorder. My dad had this and would shove, punch, and thrash out at my mum, and once even rugby tackled her out of bed. Sometimes he'd remember it and sometimes he wouldn't. It's rare but not THAT rare. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352920

Appreciate it's unlikely to be this if he's clearly wide awake and just agressively wants you to get out of the way. But just thought I'd mention.

The only pillow he deserves is over his nasty, abusive face! Seriously?! What are some of you not getting?? And of course a pillow in the middle of the bed, that takes up a hundred times more space than her hand creeping over his imaginary centre line down the bed is going to sort this out. Thanks. Why tf did she not try this? The rest of us can leave now, this genius has solved the whole problem. Now, if it's ok with you I'm just going to push you out of my way 'cos you're stood in front of the door and i am a nasty, violent arsehole who didn't have a pillow at hand to use and I didn't want to use my words.

I know I'm repeating myself here, but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE?! I'm not usually riled at threads on here, but for some reason this is doing my head in and some of you need to look at what's happening in your own lives that's causing you to victim blame or not see what is clearly in front of your faces! I'm sorry to those of you who haven't worked out yet that you're in a similar situation, but the rest of you?? Jfc. I just can't fathom how low your standards and your IQ and comprehension must be. THIS IS INTENTIONAL, SHE IS DOING NOTHING WRONG. HE'S AN ARSEHOLE. Got it? Or do you need it in 6 inch text underneath a coloured drawing?

Hi.
Is he doing it for any reason? Like does he want to have a chat in the night or something? Is he having nightmares before he does it? Is it cos you snore?
If it's totally out of the blue and random, two handed - I'd bite his head off the next time he does it. Stand your ground and tell him it's not acceptable - he can move to the bottom of the bed or sleep separately. If someone disturbed my sleep like that, I'd be furious and that's ignoring the strength he's putting into it!

Thanks for that completely hilarious and irrelevant anecdote. Woo. Go you 👍🏻👍🏻 Here's your gold medal in sleeping 🥇I'm sure op has found it just so funny 🤣🤣🤣 and it's made her see just how trivial her silly little issue is! Congrats!

Well, I don't know what's wrong with me this morning, but I'm sure my brain is going to explode if I keep reading these.

Honestly don't think OP should give a shiny fuck if he is awake or has a rare sleep disorder, which lets be real, he won't have.

Again, his health is his problem to fix and not OPs job to find a solution or an answer as to why he hits her as though she should just take it.

Let's empower OP to leave rather than wrack her brain looking for answers that aren't there in the wrong place

So many people on here and other threads.. are very quick to tell the Op's to leave their partners .. over 1 thing .. that can probably be resolved.
When their partner is great in every other way.