£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

Take it out a fixed amount monthly as cash using your debit card, and then once you've spent it it's gone. Leave the cards at home.

Spoken like my spendthrift friends who feel like they are entitled to a certain lifestyle.

All do-able within a budget. And if not, they cannot afford it or need to ration it.

Take it out a fixed amount monthly as cash using your debit card, and then once you've spent it it's gone. Leave the cards at home.

This doesn't really work anymore. I bet a lot of op's purchases are online.

Also, cash makes it much, much harder to figure out where your money is going and can also be lost or stolen much more easily.

But If they can afford it, who are you to judge, which you do.

Well you have thought about it and budgeted for it. OP has not and she is being subsidised by her dh because her salary does not cover her expenditure. It could be that maybe she is subsidising her dh by putting joint expenses such as the food shop and children's expenses on her tab. Nobody knows at this point.

OP works pt. She has the mental space to come to grips with budgeting. I agree her dh needs to do the same. I also agree she could increase her hours and earn more if she did not want the day-to-day mental load of budgeting.

Earning more is the best budget there is.

The problem is that they put it on their credit card and owe thousands, so they cannot afford it.

This is not the same as the OP, who is paying off her CC bill with her husband's help. But I suspect the pleasantries you listed as given will push her severely over budget. Not everyone can afford it.

Absolutely
The thing I always find odd about those who spend regularly on coffees and meal deals etc is that you aren't even getting anything very exciting.
It's such a waste on bog standard coffee and mediocre sandwiches

Except we do know as the food shop goes on the card as do the children’s expenses. Unless you think the DH is being himself separate food each week?

The fact OP is part time also means she’s saving her DH a shedload of childcare costs.

I dread to think what mine has been since January however I pay it off in full every month and still allocate a certain amount to savings… so I’m not worried… which makes me think it’s probably not being paid off

Their credit card bill.

Totally depends on the total family income - if you’re bringing in a million a year between us it’s nothing, if you’re bringing in £20k it’s a disaster. How much do you make between you?

The OP has said it’s paid off in full each month

Are you time travelling? January 2025 is not yet here.

10.5k => ~£345/ week
£120 food
£225 on what?

I spend £50/week on petrol to go to/from work & general family stuff so I'd say that £25/week on other stuff is OK

I suggest analysing what you've been spending on

• food, main & top up shops
• travel, petrol &/or bus/train fares
• children's school.lunches
• children's after school activities /friends parties /school trips & events
• children's clothes & shoes
• your clothes, make up, etc
• meals out

etc

Once you know where your money is going then you can decide what (if any) expenditure is high & what to do about it

In the interests of fairness I'd suggest both of you do it; why should only one of you be held accountable for how family money is spent?

because she hasn't mentioned educational enrichment activities, but HAS (twice) mentioned takeaways, coffees, "£5 here, £10 here"...all of which do suggest frivolous (i.e. unnecessary) spending.
What YOU do with YOUR money is irrelevant - people can only respond to what the OP actually says, not what they think she might have meant or what she might do if she were them.

Coats raincoats and wellies don't last longer than a year when they're regularly used. Even our 12 year old ended up with a rip from a branch on her coat sleeve last year, and they end up generally scruffy and thin after needing mud washing out etc.
For kids who are mostly indoors or walking along paths that might work but definitely not for regular use.

I dread to think what mine has been since January however I pay it off in full every month and still allocate a certain amount to savings… so I’m not worried… which makes me think it’s probably not being paid off

Crikey

Just read the thread @ApplesOrangesBananas

This is exactly what a budget is for.

TBH I did originally go at 10.5k but if that's seven full months of spending and includes everything aside from bills, it's 1.5k per month.

I bet £120 for the food shop doesn't cover top up shops, toiletries or cleaning products bought somewhere else like B&M//Savers, and random popping into the corner shop etc. So this will be more than the £500ish - I'd probably guess closer to £600/700 monthly. Because our food shop "normally costs" around €120, but our average monthly spend on food is actually €730. Which is more than 4.33x €120. You also probably forget to account for things like when it's school holidays and the children are at home, food costs increase.

So food shopping could easily be half of it or nearly. Then there are various essentials like kids' clothes, shoes, coats, petrol, stationery supplies for homework, printer etc, any home items that need replacing because they have broken or run out. If any of the kids have had a birthday, birthday presents, maybe party costs.

Then you mentioned fun spending as well like days out, takeaways, "general stuff".

I would go on the moneysavingexpert site and have a look at their free budget tool. It's easy to use and you can look at spending in different categories. I use YNAB now but it's not free. It might actually not be a bad idea to let DH have a go with something like this, or do it jointly - try it out over say a three month period and see how it goes, then discuss.

I think it can be easy to fritter money without thinking and if you're spending £500 without really knowing on exactly what, then it might well be possible to cut that down by 20% in order to give you back (as a family) the £100 monthly you were previously saving, which seems like a reasonable goal.

By looking at it like this then you can balance OK, how much fun money spending is reasonable vs preparing for the future. I don't think it's helpful or realistic to eschew all possible luxuries in the short term in pursuit of long term goals most of the time. But it does make sense to try and work out a good balance.

I use the credit card for house keeping and all internet purchases for protection. I go through it, work out my costs which I pay, and housekeeping which he pays.

I buy all birthday Christmas presents, clothes , my car out of my own money, he pays rates, utilities and food. His income is six times mine.

I save for myself, hair, dental and private healthcare. I treat grandchildren, and still save monthly to pay for my car and health insurance.

My savings account in January £1700 after pay out. I've got it back up to 5k. It'll all disappear again next January 🙈

But I keep a close eye on it.

Re takeaways both of us carry cash so take it in turns to pay.

If a lot of it is takeout coffees and takeaways etc then yes of course it’s a waste.

Its a huge amount of money that isn’t going on household bills.

I think you need to get rid of the credit card and use your debit card instead.

If the goal is to save money, then this is an easier way to do it than using a credit card and not keeping track of it.

You are just spending money like it’s nothing and there needs to be some sort of restrictions.

It's about making intentional spending decisions.

If you decide not to save any money and instead buy coffees and take away, then fine. It's not a decision I would make but everyone makes their own choices.

If you vaguely want to save and vaguely want a coffee and don't know where your money is going, then you're not making any intentional decisions.

Several decades on you could be left with no proper savings for your retirement and nothing to show for it, not even memories of fun spending on a special holiday or whatever.

If you don't notice the money being spent then you're not particularly fussed about what you're spending it on, surely, and could make some planned changes. Your future self would thank you.

I use pen and paper which is probably old fashioned
Am on a much tighter budget but it's easy to apply
First I write down all my direct debits for bills
Then food shop cost (240pm)
Netball fee £16pm
Then I look at what's left and anything I need to buy that month and separate that
As the month goes by I cross out the direct debits that come out and note down what I have bought
My budget isn't flexible, if there's nothing left then that's it

Your future self would thank you.

Amen to that.

We are busy people with busy lives and who has time to worry about pensions and house deposits. But you would be very pleasantly surprised how a chance decision decades ago has blossomed into a nest egg. This includes a standing order to invest in your dcs' JISA per month or a AVC into a pension.

The key is the earlier you start saving, the less you need to save per month to get to that nest egg 20-30 years' later, due to the wonders of compounding.

Unfortunately this tends to coincide with dcs' early years where expenses are high. So long as get you get into the habit of salting a little of what you can afford a month away, you can increase it as expenses ease up during the primary school years. They start to increase again when the dcs hit their teens but you won't regret the time you put something aside for their future.

Every little counts.

Your spending is insane, I would never share a bank account with you.

True if you get cashback on it, or to build up a credit rating - but the latter isn't important for you as you have a mortgage. so make sure it is a cashback card.