£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

Neither of you is right or wrong but it sounds as if you need to sit down together and work out priorities, probably wasn’t needed before but better to do before you fall out.
You need to try to get onto the same page about what is frivolous treat and what are the small treats that keep you sane.
Think about getting something like a Chase account, you get cash back on transactions and it has ways of breaking down spend so you can see where money is going.

If you pay the debt off in full each month, the fact it's a credit card rather than debit is immaterial. If your husband thinks you're spending too much, that is a separate conversation for the 2 of you. But it includes the weekly shop and is far, far less than we spend.

We are 50+ and have only just started using a credit card. We got it to top up our Virgin points, and we now have so many, I am kicking myself that we didn't do it years ago.

£10.5k over 7 months might be ok or might be too much, but you can’t know without a budget. I saw your comment OP that you have never budgeted because you’ve always been ok financially- being ok or even great financially isn’t a reason not to have a budget. When I was earning £15k a month, I had a budget, my brother is a multi-milluonaire and he has a budget. Even my DC on pocket money have budgets. You can’t pay for today and plan for tomorrow with no budget no matter how much or how little you have. Even the very rich pay for personal wealth managers to set up and do budgets to manage income, outgoings and assets.

I think of you both had a budget, your DH would either know the £10.5 isn’t too much or you would know that it is.

As it is you are just spending on whatever you want, whenever you want which is not a financially responsible way to live.

It's hard to say whether this is excessive or not without a breakdown of what you have got. Is it everything bar mortgage and utilities?

Excessive or not depends on money coming in too.

Presumably there are two of you responsible for this?

Perhaps it is time for a sit-down and think about how and what you are spending on. My DS and BIL gradually overspent, over several years, on (amongst other things) drink, entertainment, going out, takeaways and caused themselves serious financial problems. (There may have been gambling too?)

Maybe it's time to regard walking out coffee and takeaways as a luxury? The cost of these really can add up.

I agree, this seems to be more about the amount of “frivolous” spend and lack of ability to save than the payment method.

OP it sounds like you need to sit down together and agree a budget and a plan to help control things.

£300 in cash back over the year - everything goes on our credit card.

If you need to withdraw cash or transfer balances you’re misusing your card.

What is more virtuous about buying groceries on a debit card than a credit card paid off monthly. You’re judging people for using credit cards for non-larger purchases despite it having absolutely no cost and indeed allowing money to sit in a current account or savings for longer earning interest.

Meals out, takeaways and coffee out are all luxuries, and if you can't manage to save £100 a month I'd ditch all of these.

What is more virtuous about buying groceries on a debit card than a credit card paid off monthly. You’re judging people for using credit cards for non-larger purchases despite it having absolutely no cost
This^^
It's entirely dependent on circumstances. My cash back credit card is about to pay out £340 over 12 months of spending. Absolutely everything goes on it and it gets paid off every month. I absolutely hate paying interest.

@Heyheyheyyou sorry can't delete quoting you!

if you don't know where you money goes then keeping proper records and making up a spreadsheet will help you budget

As per usual the MN competitive under spenders are out in force.

Yes OP sensechecking where your spending goes is sensible but children are expensive and I imagine that much of the £10k will be on stuff that was needed o4 made life pleasanter. I also doubt your DH has a clue what things cost.

I spent £100 on school uniform today, will spend £400 or so on school shoes and more uniform this week. Oddly enough Vinted won’t have the school branded sports kit that is needed.

As per usual the MN competitive under spenders are out in force.

AKA the poor, or people on a tight budget.

I would set a budget and start using a debit card. With a cc I think there is a psychological aspect of it not being seen as ‘real money’. I’ve fallen into this trap myself and have then been shocked with my bill is £600 plus a month, on mostly shit. Cutting it up has saved me thousands.

That is a ludicrous amount of money for a family who can't afford to put £100 a month into savings. You're spending £220 on just spending money. I'd sit down and set a realistic weekly budget that enables you to save and stick to it. You can't just burn through that amount of money and not even know where it went.

£500 a month you can’t explain is a lot. Now that you’re aware start tracking every expense daily and see at the end of each week what’s happening.
id also spend on credit card vs debit provided you’ve researched whether you get good amount of points you can spend on holidays etc or cash back.

If a credit card is paid off every month, without a struggle, it’s ok. If you’re paying interest on things like coffee/takeaways, then that is a poor budget.🤷‍♀️

I am not a competitive underspender.
I am happy to spend on a good coat or shoes or a holiday. I just don't see the point in frittering away my savings on Costa Coffee or usually disappointing takeaways.

Credit card not the issue here. Just wasting money.

Doesn't seem excessive over 7 months as long as you are paying it off every month.

One person's "competitive underspending" is another person's sensible budgeting.

They are not mutually exclusive. It is sad to think people need to spend money to make life "more pleasant" or in order to feel that they are "living life". It is fairly easy to get the same enjoyment whilst cutting back on few things to save an extra 100 a month.

The dcs will thank the OP for it later when their JISAs mature.

It's way more than £500 a month, she spends around £500 on food but £10.5/7= £1.5 so she's blowing around £1k on takeaways and kids activities. We put aside around £1k for activities over the 6 week break, and that includes paying for childcare or going somewhere almost every day. I have no idea how you can spend that every month when they are in school for most of the day.

I agree with this… you’re not really buying ‘one off’ items - are clothes etc not included in your monthly budget?? Why are you buying these on a credit card - ok if you are budgeting whatever amount a month and then paying off the card - or are you allowing it to rack up? If so yes it’s excessive. I would be terrified of this much debt on a credit card… you seem very laid back about it. I share your dh’s view!

I bet a lot of people do tbh.

Seems you need to sit down with your statement and find out where the money is going. Savings are important. Life is unpredictable.

The card is paid off every month. RTFT

It is sad to think people need to spend money to make life "more pleasant" or in order to feel that they are "living life".

Is it? Theatre tickets, a holiday, a lovely meal out with a beautiful bottle of wine. They all cost money and add immeasurably to a pleasanter life.

OP has said that the card is paid off each month, so the current spending is affordable. It is a valid choice to spend money you have on reducing mental load, including by not thinking too much about what you spend on.

To continue using my own situation as an example, I know I currently spend more than I need to because I’m not budgeting carefully. I’ve decided that’s okay for now because I’m still within my income, I have some emergency funds, and I’m using the spare mental energy to focus on and advance my career. Right now it’s better for me to work on increasing earnings rather than reducing spending precisely because I’m not a particularly high earner relative to my qualifications / ability. Lots more to gain by a promotion than saving a few quid on the food shop. Time and energy are limited, that’s how I’ve decided to use mine. I think that’s a perfectly reasonable adult decision, thanks.

But mostly my point was that dh shouldn’t insist on better budgeting, especially on kids stuff, unless he’s willing to share the mental load of doing that and review his own spending as well.