£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

I'd think 700 for food, 200 for clothes, 100 for petrol and 250 for extras like days out, kids things, coffees etc is reasonable per month.
That totals about what you've spent. Have you broken down how much things cost for him to understand?

It really depends what you’re spending it on. It sounds a lot but if virtually everything goes on the card then some big things like car servicing and home maintenance could bump that up.

I would have a separate budget for takeaways and coffees because it’s easy to overspend on those. Keep the credit card for purchases you can identify.

The word ‘credit card’ is a red herring here. Essentially you’re spending £1,500 a month and your husband isn’t happy about it. Whether £1,500 is too much obvi depends on if your family income is £150,000 or £20,000.

Although I actually don’t think it’s that much - it’s easy for the person not buying the food shop, school clothes, kids’ shoes and days out etc to think ‘blimey that added up’. I think your husband is harsh threatening to cut you off, however you’re not helping your cause by saying you don’t know where the money goes each month.

Rather than him going nuclear, you need to both sit down and agree a maximum amount to spend in each category then track it. There is fab budgeting software out there these days.

Agreed, but eating fresh, high quality food results in a lower food bill. Takeaways cost a fortune. Vegetables cost pennies.

Ah I see. I didn’t think it was that clear but that’s different then

Try the Good budget app - it’s free.
goodbudget.com
You make up to 10 envelopes- I call them things like Bills, children, house, groceries, eating out, hobbies for him, hobbies for her etc - then note down every single purchase/ spend.
You can nominate an amount to put in each envelope.
Tracks your spend and gives you % or pie chart.
Then you will know what it is going on, and whether your expenditure is the same as your household income.

I'd be really angry if I'd been really trying hard to put £100 away a month for our child, had to stop because we didn't have enough money and then it turned out my other half was spending this much just on food, petrol and treats.

What?

Who needs £200 of clothes a month? Even growing kids don't need that many clothes. For 3 people (excluding her H) that's £70 per person per month.

Coffees out are not essential.

Obviously it’s excessive if you can’t afford it.

Do you want constructive advice @Heyheyheyyou or is this a marital row and you want posters to say you're 'right'?

The first thing to do is to go through your CC statement each month from now and circle all the 'extras' - your coffees out, takeaways, and whatever else it's been spent on.

If, as you say, they come to £500 a month (phew! £100+ a week on odds and sods) you could decide to reduce that to maybe £200 and save £300.

You've got to get your head around every purchase instead of just buying stuff, willy nilly on a whim.

'Do I need to spend £3.50 on a coffee now'?
Do I need that magazine?
Should I spend £8 on a bunch of flowers?
Do the kids really need another XYZ?

You need to start actively thinking about everything you buy.
a) what's essential b) what are treats and not necessary.

There is a difference between being able to afford it but as a household not being able to save £100 a month because of what she's spending.

She's explained they are not in debt but that's not the point.

Her H wants to be able to save for their future.

If you are not able to save even £100 a month then it does look as if meals out, takeaways and new clothes on a regular basis are a bit extravagant. Are you paying this off monthly? If not, are you aware of the APR on your credit card? You could end up paying interest on interest.
Why are you using a credit card rather than a debit card so the money comes directly from the current account - overdraft interest may be lower than that on a credit card.

With 2 children, factoring in them growing out of and ruining clothes, needing winter coats, raincoats, shoes, wellies, adult clothing being more expensive than children's, bras and shoes being expensive, little things like new socks and underwear adding up, school uniform. Maybe it could be done a bit cheaper but not by much unless the adults never replace any old clothing and have holes in their shoes, or the children are dressed in all hand me downs.

It is really dangerous not to have savings. Save if you possibly can. It's worth sacrificing a few coffees and take away meals if it means you have an extra 50 pounds in the bank every month.

i don’t know where the money goes: its £5 here, £10 here, £40 for the odd takeaway and it’s adds up to a £500 a month, that I can’t explain.

Easy to explain

2/3 coffees @£10/day 5 days a week (20 days/month average) =£200/month.

Over 7 months thats £1700 on approx 350 coffees.

That is your opinion and mine differs.

My children are now adults and have children themselves.

I am fully aware of the cost of clothes and it doesn't have to come to £200 a month.

That's £2400 a year. That would buy an awful lot of coats, socks and shoes.

I've spent similar when I rack it up since Christmas. On similar. We have a credit card that gives rewards points which we then use for treats. We pay it off every month. We manage to save around £500 per month which I used for holidays and Christmas mainly. No life long savings as such. But I also would like to save more. I don't think it's horrendous but I would try to make cuts to save more. I think using the credit card does make me spend more than if I was using actual cash. This post has made me think OP!

I'm sure up isn't buying 20-30 coffees a week 😂

@magicmushrooms

Sorry, I just realised my maths is off there (I blame Covid).

But still, I doubt she's having that many coffees.

You’re right, it’s free because the husband pays 🤦‍♀️

Coats lasted two years after age 4 or 6. Things like coats, raincoats, wellies handed down, wellies often between friends or family. Vinted is great for kids clothes, loads barely worn. I buy most of my own on there too. Socks and underwear new but hardly a frequent expense.

Who on earth buys multiple coffees a day? I'd buy one if meeting a friend or if I'd got up unusually early to get a train or something.

Well you've asked so you clearly want an honest answer...

I think £1500pcm is a LOT!

If your husband is struggling to save £100pcm a month and you're frittering money on coffees and treats out then I'd say a total rewrite of the household finances would be a very good idea.

I think combining finances can be great - to be on the same page and to work together as a team.

My husband and I have:

1. The main joint account (groceries, toiletries etc, petrol, coffee, lightbulbs etc etc etc)
2. The bills account (not just utilities but ALL expected bills in a year including MOT, tax disc, the cat's annual boosters etc etc). Do a spreadsheet for the whole year and divide the total by 12 for the required monthly contribution needed.
3. His discretionary spending account (his clothes, boys' nights etc)
4. My discretionary spending account (nails, my clothes, coffees out etc)
5. A miscellaneous account (dishwasher repair, railcard, private GP appt, prune a tree etc)

You could also have a kids' account for their clothes and activities

We save by standing order into what we call 'Soft Savings'- sinking funds for Christmas, holidays, birthdays, 'Fun' (meal out, cinema tickets etc).

Also into 'Hard Savings' which is just us saving to have a proper nest egg. We don't touch this - it's in a stocks and shares ISA so it grows and compounds.

^ All of these accounts are in joint names - even the his n hers discretionary spending. Total trust, total transparency.

I watch lots of YouTube videos by Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze and George Kamel and I highly, highly recommend them to you. Immerse yourself in their world a bit to give you some perspective on couples' finance.

Good luck with it all! Budgeting is great fun...

£50 per person per month isn't excessive. Just a pair of shoes and some new underwear or a swimming costume will use up one months. A child's coat and raincoat another month. School shoes either 1 month or a few cheaper pairs, again 1 month or more worth.
Pe kit and uniform around 2 months worth. Wellies and a second pair of shoes another month.
That's half the budget used without even adding any normal clothes, pyjamas or extras like clothing for sports they may do.

How do you go about saving for holidays?

Sounds like you're buying clothes, shoes and food for the kids from that money. Kids generally need food outside of the food shop... often buying mine snacks on the go. People can stay cooped up, lunches out add up.

I don't think it sounds excessive if you pick up the household feed. Does DH pay for things?

Mine isn't too much more. Are there any unforeseen big ticket items on there. In example our tyre blew and I paid for a new one a couple months ago, then a month later our dishwasher packed up and wasn't in warranty, and another month I paid for the garden fence to be fixed...