£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

*cant stay cooped up

If they're moaning to you about how their friends can afford to buy a house due to their parents saving for them, how well is 'yes but remember all those times I bought you that spidey and friends comic when you were 4 and that £6 toastie at pret that you only had two bites of' going to go down?

OP's dh is sensible to rein in discretionary spending in favour of long term savings for the dcs. The advantage that parents can give to their dcs in terms of a house deposit arising out of extra 100 a month saved into a JISA over 20 years far outweighs that fleeting joy of a Pret or convenience of a takeaway.

In these days of sky high property prices, it is a game changer, sometimes over and above what dcs can save over half a lifetime. I speak as a parent with dcs of uni age who will be looking buy their own property soon.

Doesn't sound excessive at all, although the puritans on here will state otherwise. £200 a week on the various things you end up spending on when you've got kids sounds really normal.

We put everything on a credit card each month and pay it in full. This is because we get points towards stays at Hilton hotels. I think it depends on your card, is it a rewards one or giving cashback? You do get some consumer protection on your card and it can build or maintain your credit rating

I just picked up on the it's better to pay by credit card than debit card comment. This is true if you're using the 4 weeks free credit to get interest on your money. But you clearly aren't.

Therefore what you have is debt. You couldn't pay your monthly expenses on your debit card now because you can't afford that as well as paying off your credit card.

You need to come up with a plan to get things on track but that has to be you both working as a team not just one taking over.

You seem to have made a few things up there.

Yes, really excessive, especially if it doesn't include the weekly shop. When you say food, do you meant dining out/ buying lunches or do you mean groceries? Buy a thermos and take homemade coffee with you. Who are you buying clothes for? It just all seems too much. I can see why he's worried.

It sounds as if the problem is actually that your DH has a much more frugal attitude to spending than you. You don't sound excessive to me, but I don't consider buying new clothes or a takeaway coffee to be Kardashian-esque luxuries. Life is for living. But your DH clearly doesn't take that point of view. People do essentially split into spenders and savers, and it can be really difficult being in a relationship if you're opposites in this respect.

This.

He sounds like he is sensible looking at spending. Who earns what? Who sounds most?

I presume you are a spender.

Life is for the living but you must also cut your coat according to your cloth, particularly if you have dcs.

She might not be drinking that much coffee (I do but I make my own) but if she is buying for herself & kids drinks (water, cokes etc), snacks etc it will be about that amount.

You can construct a clothes budget if you want to, but it's not realistic.

No one is buying those items every single month.

No one needs new underwear every month - not even growing kids.
They might need one coat a year , two max.
A swimming costume would last for a good while.

You shouldn't, IMO, live miserably spending as little as possible just to benefit your children. Theres a balance - the occasional treat rather than constantly frittering it away.

Your food shop is something like £3.5k in 7 months. Take off petrol - say £2k. So £5k in 7 months on discretionary treats.

IMO, your family should be able to put aside £100 for DC savings without impinging too much on your lifestyle. Can you agree a sensible, manadeable budget instead?

I put money away into my savings account as soon as I am paid & before doing anything else, then forget the money is even there. I call it 'paying myself first'. You should try to save something every month even if it is a really small amount, it really does build up over time.

There are always savings to be made - how about walking some distances rather than taking the car? That's just one idea that may not work for you, but you may have to think outside the box in looking for savings.

So your salary isn’t covering the full bill each month, so your DHs earnings or your savings are bailing you out from making you budget properly like an adult. Given your DH isn’t able to save the £100 pm for your children’s future as desired yet needs to potentially cover your shortfall because of you not understanding how you are spending what you are, you really need to get a handle on this!

He only wanted to save £100 a month for his kid’s future, not £1000, I hardly think that means he views as life not for living!

So you work and your wage covers the food shop and then you just spend whatever you want on whatever you want. Non of which you can recall.

Does your husband get the equivalent to just spend? How much money does he decide to just spend on him or him and the kids and not worry about?

I put everything on CC apart from bills and DDs and it’s paid off monthly. I find it easier that way, but I check the statement each month and if it’s over the usual amount I look to see why. Usually it’s car or vet fees which are unavoidable and I always chat to DH about why it’s higher that month.

But we don’t buy coffees or other bits and bobs regularly and like many others we’ve had to cut down on brands and I price check our regulars and stock up when there are offers. We take water bottles with us so unless it’s a treat don’t buy drinks out.

An easy way to see what you’re spending on non essential extras is to use another card just for that. You should be able to save £100 a month easily if not more on that expenditure and need to cut down on those extras. We spend double what we used to on food etc compared to before the COL so had to cut down like most people.

We do this. And I'd be very happy with approx 1300 a month. Our spends average out more than that and we only have one child at home.
How do you account for your own "spending money" each month? Des your DH never anything spend on coffees etc?

I have no credit cards or debts at all. All my spare money goes into savings, about £600 a month and I live extremely frugally.
I was once inundated with debt and it took me years to pay off. It was quite terrifying.
Having a decent amount of savings and no debt feels amazing. When I was in debt I was scared every day and didn't sleep well.
Things like coffee and takeaways are trivia I'd never spend money on.
I'm a single mum and having no debt means I could afford to help my DS buy a house and ensure his security. It was well worth the sacrifice.

The OP has said they don’t have any debt either.

How is this at all relevant?
OP has no debt.

One bra for me could easily be more than a month's budget of £50... Just a "normal" underwired bra... Kids' school shoes more than £50 too. If you also need to replace trainers, wellies and anything else lifestyle related such as walking boots, probably getting on for £100 per shoe size although variety of sizing between trainers and wellies/might make that not quite every size increase... Some kids are hard on clothes, I'm robust about holes in knees for sports kit but not for school and there were phases when we lost tights/leggings/joggies every school day which even with Lidl/Asda uniform adds up

If you're paying it off each month the fact it's on your credit card is irrelevant. Does he just have an issue with how much you're spending generally?

But you DO know where the money goes - you can look at your statements and see EXACTLY where the money is going.

Sit down with your statements and tot up what is going where. What is the total going to supermarkets, what is the total going to cafes, petrol stations, clothing shops, etc.? You may well find you can remember exactly what particular sums were spent on (e.g. school shoes, or a birthday, or extra petrol for a particular trip). When you've got your totals, then start to dissect it a bit.

Once you know where your money is going - and it is absolutely possible for you to know that - then you can decide if it is worth it to your family for that amount of money to be spent on [whatever it is being spent on]. It may be that you can make savings, it may be that it can't (it does sound as if minor savings at least are going to be possible). But KNOWING more clearly how much you are spending on what will make you feel less helpless, more in control of your money.