£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

It's possible to buy a 'normal' underwired bra for a lot less than £50 unless you need a special size and go to Bravissimo in which case it's not a 'normal' bra as you can get one of those for under £20.

On balance, I'm inclined to think that as the OP is extravagant with many things, the clothes may be an overspend too.

But anyway, who knows unless she comes back and explains.

All these people saying the credit card is not debt. It's interest-free as long as it's paid off by the deadline but it's still debt.
This from Money Savings Expert:
The term 'credit card' is therefore not very helpful, and instead is better understood when called a 'debt card' or 'borrowing card'. Any spending on the card is actually running up a debt that you need to pay back, not using credit that has been given to you.

I think many people put everything on a credit card, it's just one bill to pay each month then.

It is very short term debt that doesn’t incur interest. Calling it debt is not helpful for this discussion, as it ignores the key issue of the OP not knowing what her money is being spent on. Credit cards can be an extremely useful tool for money management.

Isn't the argument about using a CC one of consumer protection?
You can ask the CC company to withhold payment if you have a quality issue with something you've bought, or it simply doesn't turn up.
The bank is unlikely to refund you if you've paid by direct debit.

We avoid using a debit card for security reasons as it means your card details are in circulation , as data. This can be hacked and at least with a CC they are on the ball to let you know of unusual purchases. It's a far riskier way of making purchases compared to a CC.

If it wasn’t being paid off in full every month then absolutely, the discussion around debt would be relevant here.

I spend about £1500 a month on mine - but I put everything on it bar bills and mortgage
Pay balance in full and rarely use cash
Seems like the issue is lack of savings so I would look back at those bills and see where you could economise - 1/2 takeaways a month and a few coffees less could take you back to your previous levels of saving
I disagree with your DH taking control though, if you both agree to economise and do it - then it should remain equal

Not excessive at all if paid off every month. Mine is way more than that, again paid off at the end of every month
There's NO WAY I would be giving control of my finances to a man.
It reminds me of one of the few benefits of being a single parent, total say-so around your own finances, savings, financial planning etc.

Many credit card companies now have a function on their websites where you can break down your expenses into different categories. Years ago, before kids, I did a detailed analysis of spending, and found that my biggest modifiable expense was eating out. I would put "getting a coffee" in this same category.

Before you start cutting expenses you need to think about what you CAN cut. Do you eat out with the kids because you are taking them to an activity? What is the solution? Can you take sandwiches with you for them to eat? Or is that not feasible? Do you have to cut that activity altogether? Are there free activities you can substitute? Your dh may propose as a solution that you cook dinner in the early afternoon and feed your kids dinner before you take them to an activity. Do you have time for that? Or is he planning to be very generous with your time, but completely unrealistic as to how to pull that off? Is he willing to cook those dinners so you don't have to get takeout for you and the kids?

I would argue that having kids is simply expensive. It's ok if you cut back on kid activities, which are probably the root cause of most of your discretionary spending (petrol to drive to/from soccer, money spent on soccer cleats and uniform, quick stop for takeout on your way home from soccer game, coffee from local coffee shop to stay warm at the game, etc.) You might be able to modify it a little bit by, for example, bringing a thermos of coffee with you from home, but I think you'll find that "moving the needle" substantially on your spending involves changing ALL of the things by reducing the out-of-pocket cost of each thing, which usually involves more legwork for you. At some point you'll run out of legs to do that legwork. It's unlikely your husband will take on more of the legwork to reduce the cost, but you can ask him.

Another way is to work more hours. Since you're the one with less worktime and more out-of-pocket "discretionary" spending, it's on you to review your lifestyle and decide which is the best way to re-deploy your internal resources. Is it to making dinner in the early afternoon so you can cart it with you to practice? Or is it better for you to work more hours to fund the eating out when you take the kids to activities? That's up to you.

I don’t draw out cash so ATM fees are irrelevant (also many credit cards start the interest the minute cash is withdrawn so cash advances are a bad idea) and I don’t need to transfer a non-existent balance since I pay it off in full so no balance transfer fees.

My fee-free credit card company pays me for having a card (cash back). It may not be much but I wouldn’t throw £10 notes in the bin and using my debit card for the things I currently use my credit card for would be doing exactly that.

If she could afford it then she wouldn’t be buying on credit presumably.
Spending 10k of your own money is one thing but wracking up that amount in debt over the course of 6 months is just silly

Read the thread before commenting. Or least OPs updates. Credit cards are paid in full every month. No debt.

Spending money on a credit card for general everyday expenses is not better than using a debit card, especially in your situation as you’ve lost reality on what you’re spending and therefore the value of money.

you get extra protection on a credit card if you spend more than £100 on goods or services, so if you are conned and the goods or services are faulty and the company you bought from does not rightfully make you whole, you can claim the money back from the credit card company.

in your case, I recommend using a debit card for your shopping and everyday bits and keep an eye on your bank account and it may make you realise the true cost of things and you may cut down on frivolous purchases. Cutting out one takeaway a week would save over £100 per month, for example. Don’t buy soft drinks or coffees etc when out in town for shopping, as this often racks up to £100+ per month if done regularly.

we were doing similar to you and did our suggestions and it makes you think twice and you can easily find £200-£300 per month spare in your situation. A credit card can often make spending invisible.

good luck op!

That would be 20,000 a year so yes, that's excessive. Average person would spend 2500 on food out of that 10grand for the half year which means you've spent 7500 on clothes, eating out and stuff you don't need.
I'm with your husband. Separate bank accounts needed here and you spend whatever is in your own account. Your husband is sensible wanting to save for his kids future and not throw it all away on expensive clothes etc that's unfashionable and replaced in a few months.

Sensible suggestions from @aloris and for taking the time to post that.

When dcs were young and money was tight, I did all of the above. Like OP, I worked pt. Having more time means I could use some of that time to save money such as eating before leaving the house, packing meals/drinks, finding free or cheaper activities and buying second hand or in sales. The savings all add up.

Why are you paying for “almost all” the food?

What is your household income? How much of that is yours?

oh ok. Why use a credit card though? You must have to pay quite a bit in interest if you’re spending £1000+ a month.

She’s said she’s paying off in full each month so no interest is due on the credit card.

Answering a thread without reading the OPs posts is ‘just silly’, too.

If you pay it off in full every month you don’t pay interest, that comes with what is carried over to the next month

I would say I am (although I also have some savings and a good private pension that I save into as well as my work one). You do have to cut your cloth according to what you can afford, but you can also spend so much time worrying about the future that you don't enjoy the present. I am also a single parent so in charge of my own finances. I think that alignment over financial priorities is essential in a relationship.

The slight problem with these threads, although there are some great suggestions, is that they do tend to descend into competitive frugality.

No. A basic principle of credit cards is that you don’t pay interest if you clear the balance in full every month.

Seems ok then. Is it that the husband thinks she’s spending too much in general? The credit card starting to look like a bit of a red herring.

I wish mumsnet had some kind of function where key posts could be 'pinned' to avoid endless irrelevant replies that have been addressed at least 20 times already.

Not as silly tbf