To never move out from my parents’ house as I don’t want to live alone?

[AtHomeForever]

I’m 30, and have saved enough to be able to buy a property. I’m single though, and so would be living completely alone. I work remotely too, so I have visions of going multiple days without speaking to anyone. I also don’t really have any friends where I live and I’m single, so it’s not like I’d have a partner coming to spend a few nights, or knowing I have friends coming round at the weekend. I’ve started to view properties and suddenly the excitement of having my own space and be on the property ladder has disappeared and been replaced with complete dread and fear of a life lived alone.

I’m currently living with my parents, but we are a bit on an untypical family as I have a sister who is disabled and will likely never move out, so there is no expectation of everyone fleeing the nest. I contribute to bills, but I have a good quality of life at home. I get on well with my parents, I go and sit with them during my lunch break when working from home, etc. I also have a lot more disposable income being at home, if I moved out things would be quite tight which I would just get on with of course.

I feel really conflicted. I feel like I should move out, and I think turning 30 has made me panic and rush to get my own place. However, viewing the properties has made me see the reality of what my life would actually look like and it doesn’t look like a good life…

Please be kind in the replies as I’m feeling quite vulnerable posting this, but would appreciate any advice.

There's a big difference between being "alone" and "lonely". You can live alone and not be lonely and have an active social life, good family connections and be involved in your community.

You can live with your family and be lonely, have little to no friends and have little involvement with your outer community such as work colleagues etc. It's quite clear the OP is in this category.

I agree we are social beings but this doesn't involve isolating with your immediate nuclear family and relying on them to solely meet all your social and wellbeing needs. In other cultures where there is multi-generation living, there usually a big emphasis on community too. People in these communities don't just live with mum and dad forever on their own with little involvement with others.

It's clear that the OP says she doesn't have much friends or contact with work colleagues and she thinks she'll just slip into full time caring role for her sister.Assuming this role with no other support isn't healthy for her or her sister.

I think moving out would do the world of good for the OP. She'd still maintain her family links and she'd be more motivated to actually make friends, have a social life and engage more in work and get to know her work colleagues and maybe even meet a romantic partner too.

Do you enjoy being outdoors OP? Maybe join young ramblers? Much less intimidating to go for a walk than walk into a gym/yoga class I think.

@Ineffable23
It was a bit like guides for grown ups

There actually is Guiding for Adults, it's called The Trefoil Guild. 🙂

https://www.trefoilguild.co.uk/

Hi OP. I’ve done all three, lived with my mum until I moved in with a partner when I was around 24 that didn’t work out so I lived on my own for a couple years. My landlord then sold my house so I moved back in with my mum - currently saving to buy also and now 35. I really do empathise with you and having experienced all three and I can honestly say I really liked living alone and I adore my mum we’re very close. So don’t write it off completely - it could be that the real issue is it’s a big responsibility being a home owner and maybe that’s making you have a little wobble and it’s masked as being worried about living alone.. who knows. I also worked from home and don’t have a local group of friends but I was still glad of the peace that you can only get by living alone. I did have a dog I’ll admit so maybe look at getting a pet or fostering animals at weekends or something.. dog sitting etc so it’s not a full commitment. Also you’re forgetting your parent and/or sister might like to come and stay with you occasionally for some respite.. change of 4 walls. All in all it’s not as bad as it seems. If you’re really going off the idea I’d suggest looking at buying a buy to let for more of a long term plan. Even if you never plan on living in it yourself and the rent pays over the mortgage you can save that or use it for extra income etc and you’ll have something to fall back on for a pension. You need to think of the long term and you’re finances as you age as well as your short term circumstances. You can always sell it if you meet someone serious.. I’d advise not too given what happened to me due to my ex but that’s another story.

I hope you’ve found comfort from this & good luck :-)