To never move out from my parents’ house as I don’t want to live alone?

[AtHomeForever]

I’m 30, and have saved enough to be able to buy a property. I’m single though, and so would be living completely alone. I work remotely too, so I have visions of going multiple days without speaking to anyone. I also don’t really have any friends where I live and I’m single, so it’s not like I’d have a partner coming to spend a few nights, or knowing I have friends coming round at the weekend. I’ve started to view properties and suddenly the excitement of having my own space and be on the property ladder has disappeared and been replaced with complete dread and fear of a life lived alone.

I’m currently living with my parents, but we are a bit on an untypical family as I have a sister who is disabled and will likely never move out, so there is no expectation of everyone fleeing the nest. I contribute to bills, but I have a good quality of life at home. I get on well with my parents, I go and sit with them during my lunch break when working from home, etc. I also have a lot more disposable income being at home, if I moved out things would be quite tight which I would just get on with of course.

I feel really conflicted. I feel like I should move out, and I think turning 30 has made me panic and rush to get my own place. However, viewing the properties has made me see the reality of what my life would actually look like and it doesn’t look like a good life…

Please be kind in the replies as I’m feeling quite vulnerable posting this, but would appreciate any advice.

If I were you. I'd live at home and just buy that property, rent it out and get passive income.

It sounds like you NEED to move out. Be independent, build a life for yourself, meet people, perhaps have a boyfriend.
You can always rent a second room if you're worried about being on your own.

Somebody must have mentioned this already OP, but how about renting for a year and giving yourself time to work out how you feel about living on your own? You might surprise yourself! And if you decide that it’s really not for you then you could move back?

Hi op!

hope you are keeping happy :)

I can think of a few options here as ideas for you:

• what about leaving « very closeby » so that you can still go for lunch and even dinner. Doesn’t seem they wiuld say no and you could still start to build your house?
• what about you have your house and your office is at theirs? Then you soend the day with them and return for evenings home so you take your time in building home?
• what about you rent a room at yours while following 1st point or 2nd. That would pay some of the bills so keep extra money for you and there would still « be life » in your new home?
• what about you take on a pet dog? If you are home a lot, that would make you go out…plus a pet dog Facilitate a lot convo and so to start making your own friends and life.

Be kind with yourself, work at your goal 1 step at a time. I remember the first few weeks at my own place and the silence was arrrgggghhh but then…I needed that silence after a while when I was out a lot. Things change, in your own time 🌺

Good luck.

Oh that sounds pretty good too! Yeah for that! At 30 to start on passive income is pretty great 🥳

If you're happy stay put and save more

Have you asked your parents what they think..? Are you going to be living that far away from them. Do you like your job working remotely? Have you tried extending your social network. ? Would you like to meet someone. ? Like others have said, your parents won't be around for ever & property does tend to increase in value. You could try living alone, see how you like it, and if not, maybe move back home and rent it out for the future & if you need it.
I say this as a mum with a son approaching 40, who is waiting also to complete on a house, who works from home, and I think about how he will like living solo. He was in London and wasn't , happy , he came home broke. So I think you need to have a good think ..ask your parents for advice ..you obv get on with them, and go from there..
Join Meetup UK as they have loads of stuff to do and help you create a social life.
Best wishes.

Just go for it and see!

Why not get a car and keep
saving? build up a social life, loosen the reliance on family. You can live there with your family but have your own life.

this ^

and i also highly reccomend putting your feet on the property ladder, even renting it out or air b and b (safer!). invest in your future - make it work for you and don't always just be at home because its the safer option (i do understand!)

I would focus on a couple of things and not try and rush to move out.

The main thing is to try and widen your horizons as much as possible. Join meet up and see what there is going on in your area - bite the bullet and just go. Could you fit in any volunteering? That can be a great way to meet people.

Secondly, keep saving until you can afford something you actually want to live in.

Live in a small block of flats / apartments. I liked this when I was single as I felt quite safe knowing there were other people around, and like I wasn’t really that alone.

I found I absolutely loved having my own space. When your single it’s great….you can date who you want, watch what you want on tv, be your own person. If you’re worried about being lonely you could get a lodger or maybe try a house share as a stepping stone to being in independent?

If you leave it too much longer life might pass you by.

The only problem is that you have a very small circle of friends and activities that you may feel happy with now, however when your parents are gone, your world will be much smaller. Lack of socialization may become an issue. Good luck. 💕

I think renting somewhere would just be throwing your money away. As previously suggested, invest in a property with a view to renting it out/living in at a later date. Don’t rent if you don’t have to. Also maybe look into ways to broaden your social links while at home?

I think I'm agreeing with the consensus that while you do need to find ways to expand your horizons and make your world bigger that moving into an area where you would be potentially very isolated might not help.

Don’t move out if you really don’t want to and don’t like the idea of having your own space.

Obviously you get on well with and enjoy your family life, so make the most of it.

If this is more cold feet/anxiety, perhaps you could explore with a few sessions of counselling?

As you’ve saved up, what about exploring a buy to let property as an investment?

I did shared ownership in a not great place. Couldn't afford a car. That was 8 years ago. Got a car and realised to get anywhere it's 30-40 mins drive and I CBA in the week. I'm now selling next year and moving to a town with a more vibrant community on the doorstep where I know some people already.

Wish I could have afforded it sooner but needed to get to a point where I can WFH 3 days a week which I now can.

Worth a look at Property Guardianship for cheap renting.

If your are happy living with your family & your parents are being honest about what they want, ie they're happy for you too stay, then don't feel you have to conform to society's expectations of single living.. there are many cultures where multi generational families live together.

It's about what works for you and your family.

I had a meeting today with a mortgage advisor and unfortunately it's not going to be affordable for me after all after calculating everything. That said, I think I could change a lot in my life to try and round it out better even whilst living at home. You have all given me lots of ideas of things to try, which I am really grateful for. Anymore tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I think I will start by going into the office more often. I'm going to try and get back in contact with one of my old school friends (she's pretty much the only one left still living here - most people have moved all over the place!) I might try and find a hobby/class to join. I've never really had a hobby before - I'm terrible at sports so the idea of even a yoga class is intimidating. I'll have a think.

So you can’t even rent?

OP do you aspire to a relationship and a friendship group or are you happy as you are? I first and foremost agree with others that you would likely do well to move out to widen your own horizons.

However as well as that, or a consequence of that, I think you are likely to become more engaging and more likely to attract others (both friends and romantic partners) if not still living at home. I absolutely mean this kindly and with no snide, but I do think you are most likely to meet someone who is attracted to you, and attracted to the prospect of the life they might have with you, if you are not living with your parents significantly into adulthood have when you have the choice not to.

What life do you see for yourself? If it is one involving a romantic partner and friendship groups, then i do think you would be most likely to achieve that living away from thr family home into adulthood.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Are you creative rather than sporty? Or volunteer somewhere @AtHomeForever

This is such a good post.

I have just seen your recent post that came in as I was typing my earlier post.

If you cannot move out then you can't and so be it.

But if there is any way that you can, in a way that someone might and not think anything of it (not the perfect flat but good enough for a few years for example) then I do think flying the family home is such a positive step for independence, wellbeing etc, that it would be worth it